Over

We're breaking up...

 

I learned so much about myself, what i can and cannot handle and what i want for myself and my family...

I am ready to move on..

so we're done.

Goodbye...

I will cherish the good memories and try to learn from the bad ones...

But I will move on.

Goodbye 2012, you have taught me much.

 

 

On this last day of 2012 God sent snow. Now for some, snow is no big deal, but for us it's a rarity. Since i was young i always loved snow. I always felt so special when it would snow on my birthday ( which growing up in Minnesota happened about 90 percent of the time in the winter.. but still i felt special). So today it snowed, and whenever it snows it's a special message from God for me. He whispers

 

*You are loved*

*I will make you new*

*I am here*

*everything will be alright*

 

 

This past year i've learned many lessons and i have traveled paths i never intended to travel..

But today... tonight..

i rest, and feel peace and hope for the coming year.

I know He is here.

And i hope that this year I will continue to keep my heart and hands open to all that God has planned for my life.

 

 

 

...

and maybe..

hope for a little more snow this winter.

:)

more pictures

For Christmas we went over to matt's parents house and we got to see my little nephew.. he is walking now which is just so weird.. we haven't seen him for over a month so it was strange! 

 

 

 

 

 

These were pictures that my mom took. Despite the situation that is going on with my sister it was not a christmas full of drama which was good. Mom wanted her girls to be together for christmas and it  worked out okay. There is a lot to the story but Matt and I still feel released from the situation. It was very nice to see Martin, but we no longer feel responsible for him, which is so freeing.
Anyway... that's all i want to go into it... maybe i'll scrounge up some more pictures over the next few days!
In other news...
My husband blessed me with a new GAS EFFICIENT car... YAY... so it will be much nicer on the pocket book to drive little blue (that's what i call our new car) around then our big suv ( we are still keeping because we need it to haul llamas and do mountain driving)! Maybe i'll take a picture for you!
Anyway,, Happy Thursday!

Just a few pictures

My mom is here out west visiting from the Midwest for Christmas! I actually haven't taken many pictures at all but we have a few, so at the request of a friend i am posting them! Maybe i will take more this week! :)

I hope everyone had a beautiful holiday celebration and I hope that this year is ending well for you all!

 

 

 

Me and Elijah in our jammies! Thanks to a close friend for such AWESOME footed pj's! LOVE THEM! :)

 

The Boys all wrapped up in a blanket that my older sister made for us... I LOVE it... it is so soft!!!!

We don't tell our boys that santa brings them presents.We tell them that we buy presents for each other to celebrate Jesus' birthday because it makes Him happy to love on others.  When they ask about Santa we tell them the story of St.Nicolas.. and that is where the story of santa comes from... but santa isn't real. I don't feel like i am damaging them in any way shape or form by just being truthful with them about santa... that goes along with the easter bunny and the tooth fairy... no such things here.. the kids know of them, but they know it's pretend.

I was browsing around once and found this explanation on why Jesus is better then santa... it's one of my favorite comparisons... what they don't mention is that santa is pretend, but Jesus is real!


WHY JESUS IS BETTER THAN SANTA CLAUS

(author unknown)

Santa lives at the North Pole ...
JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh ...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year.
JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies ...
JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ...
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and enters your heart.

You have to wait in line to see Santa ...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap ...
JESUS lets you rest in His Arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is
"Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?" ...
JESUS knew our name before we did.
Not only does He know our name,
He knows our history and future, and
He even knows our hearts & how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ...
JESUS has a heart full of love, grace, mercy & forgiveness.

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...
JESUS says "Cast your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers make toys ...
JESUS makes a new life, mends wounded hearts,
repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but ...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree,
For you & for me.

Yes, JESUS is better,
He is even better than Santa Claus.

Honestly this may be hard to read but may give some perspective...

My heart breaks for the families that lost children and teachers in the shooting last week. It's so terrible...  the world is a terrible place... I personally don't think gun control is the answer...  and I think we need to stop heaping the blame on different people ( school officials, mental health community, government, media, ect...) 

Did you know that there have been multiple attacks in China over the past few years on kindergardeners and preschoolers? China has very strict gun laws... yet their children are still getting attacked... not with guns.. with Knives, Machetes, axes, hammers... ect....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_attacks_in_China_(2010%E2%80%932012)

Do your own research and look it up.

 Actually the same day that the innocents lost their life in Connecticut there was an attack in china on little children... did you hear about that?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-attacks-22-kids-knife-china-school-article-1.1220230

So to say the answer is to get rid of all guns... well i think that is a bit ignorant because you can't fix peoples hearts by taking away a gun... they just find different weapons...

 Obviously this kind of sicking child killing is not just happening in the North America ( i am an American and i firmly believe that  North Americans are super self centered and have a problem thinking that the world revolves around themselves... North Americans are such a SMALL PERCENT OF THE POPULATION  people.. and don't get me started on the evils that are done to children all over the world this very minute)... it's happening EVERYWHERE. We live in a world that is becoming more and more wicked...

Open you eyes please... Don't live in fear, but also realize that we are living in some pretty scary times and it is important to be aware of that. Morals are at an all time low... everything goes... there is no sanctity of life... the best we can do is raise up a generation that has MORALS.. RESPECT FOR OTHERS and RESPECT FOR LIFE! 

Sigh

 Sorry for rambling... just had to get those thought out there!

9 years

 

This was our first kiss...

 

 

 

Matt has given me the best years of my life so far, and i hope that we can spend MANY more together. Love you babe!

just had to share

We live about 300 feet above sea level near the ocean. So it is not very often that it is cold enough to snow here... we get it maybe twice a year and it doesn't stay for long.

 But when it does snow, it makes it even more special!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LOVE snow... it make me want to move higher up in the hills just so we can see it more... but if i am am missing it to much.. it is only about a 45 minute drive to be surrounded by MANY feet of snow in the mountains...  :)

Sad

I miss him today...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And i know that he is happier in heaven with Jesus, but i wish he was here to see his grandsons... i wish he was coming for Christmas this year with mom. I wish he was here so that Mom wouldn't be so sad... and I just wish he was here because i miss him...

Africa

We have stockings hung around our wood burning stove.

 Jesus has the biggest one... it's purple.

I like purple and i do not think Jesus would feel offended that his stocking is purple because after all he is a King....

And what better color to represent THE King then purple!





So every year since we've hung Jesus' purple stocking we ask the kids what we should give Jesus for Christmas ( it is the day we celebrate his birthday after all... so i think he should get a present too). This year we asked Joshua what we should give Jesus for his birthday. Joshua thought for a little bit and then said " AFRICA". Joshua wanted to give Jesus Africa for Christmas... which is a sweet thought... so i told him that it would be pretty hard to give Jesus Africa for Christmas ( as it is a continent after all) . I did tell him though that we can help a child who lives in Africa and be friends with them. He thought that was a cool idea. So we went online and found a little boy through world vision ( i prefer gospel for Asia when supporting kids. but gospel for Asia doesn't operate in Africa, so we take what we get!)... His name is Bikila and he is from Ethiopia and he is Joshua's age. Joshua picked him... and he is super exited to have a friend in Africa to write to. He said the first thing he is going to do is write him and ask if Bikila has seen elephants. Joshua is already planning his trip to go to Africa to visit him. Maybe one day he will go.. maybe one day we will be my little traveler... Right now the two things he wants to do when he gets older is be a teacher and  go to Africa. Maybe he will go to Africa someday and be a teacher there!

Do you believe that Christmas is Jesus' birthday? I know it isn't literally, but do you celebrate it that way? I want to encourage you this year, if you do celebrate Christmas as Jesus' Birthday, ask yourself what can i give Jesus this year? Maybe it's just a simple thank you, maybe it's a gift of a few dollars to the man that stands at the corner at the grocery store, or whatever you feel in your heart...


 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ - Matthew 25:40

Labor of Love

A good friend of mine shared this song with me today. So beautiful! Listen please if you have the time!

"Make us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half-truth when the whole can be won."

- from the Cadet's prayer

I love this quote!

Goodbye November, Hello December.
I feel like every year I am in a stage of growing and learning...
 that basically has been the theme of my life for the past 10 or so years.
Moving away to college, marriage, children, autism, vocational life plan changes, house buying, Apraxia and other special needs, death of a loved parent, birth of a nephew (which i know seems like it would be a great life event... but the story is just so steeped in pain) , learning boundaries and how my much my heart can take... that's just the past 10 years... that doesn't include the years before that and there are events in there that aren't huge but have a big effect. And a lot of those events have left me wondering, shaken, questioning and lost in who i am.

Maybe this next year... Maybe.. just maybe it won't be so eventful. Maybe i can just report no major events. Maybe i can just focus on loving those closest to me and growing. Maybe i can have a day where there isn't an overwhelming emotion...  I don't expect that i will sail through rest of life without more *adventures, just because, Lord knows I've had a fair share (or unfair.. depending on what day you talk to me and what mood i am in!)... But i am hoping that maybe i can embrace each adventure with a bit of grace, with a bit of wisdom, and truthfully stick to who i am and not let my worth in Christ shake when the winds of this adventure blow hard and fierce.  Maybe... so goodbye November... you taught me much, Hello December.. here's to Hope.

Our house this week...

Just another week at our house.  

 

 

Playing with Dreeko (i think i still look like a teenager in this picture! HA!!! wish i still had the energy of a teenager!)

 

 

Chickens curious about what's going on inside

 

 

Husband napping totally oblivious of the work (folding laundry) right next to him! Though i don't mind folding cloths... i actually prefer to do it.

 

 

Elijah doing his best.

 

 

 

 

Friends over for cookie decorating.

 

 

Daniel working on learning numbers

 

 

Currently Reading

 

Here is a list of the books i am currently reading. Can you figure out the theme?

 

 

Daniel has a sensory disorder... i have found this book very helpful with ideas to help him feel more grounded, connected, and safe.

 

 

 

Daniel also has speech and eating issues... i haven't started this book yet, but i am excited to read about new ways i can possibly help him. I am a huge advocate of expanding ones knowledge in helping their children be their best, and also understanding their children's specific needs.

 

 

 

 

 

This is a book i have started as part of a study with a group... so far I've read the beginning of it and i already love it.

 

 

 

 

I actually never have read an advent devotional... so we'll see how this one goes and if it is any good. I started going over key events from creation leading up to Christ's birth at Christmas with the kids for a few years now and i love doing that... maybe this will get added in later on.

 

 

 

And last but not least another special needs book. This one is a very simple read with clear ideas on how to minimize family stress, focus on self care and focus on what is important to you and your family.

And there you have it. Once i get through all of the books i will let you know if they are a must read or not!

What books are you reading?

4 years

This sweet, blessed child is 4 years old today!

 

 

 

Thank you son for the fresh breath of normal in this house. Your little neuro-typical mind holds all of us together. You truly are the glue between your brothers and we are SO blessed to have you in our family. I know that it hasn't been easy at times when your brothers demand time and attention and you have to sit back while their needs are being taken care of.... But you will grow into such a man of empathy and character, able to see others special qualities.  I love you, thank you for all that you have brought into this family.

in our house...

 

We're ready for anything....

 

Dress up is NOT just for girls...

And lizards sleep in the bathtub!

 

 

*  don't worry... we actually do not use this bathtub because.. *cough cough* ... i broke it a while ago... which is a hilarious story within itself.. seriously boosts the self esteem when you step into a bathtub and it cracks... didn't expect that from my 140 pound body! Anyway.. the point to this rant is that this bathtub is and has been out of commission for a few years and now it has a use until we build our new dragon a home. :)

REAL LIFE DRAGONS

 

Bearded Dragons that is.....

 

 

 

 

Why yes, that is a lizard on my head....

 

 

 

 

Meet our new bearded dragon... including the length of his tail he is a 2 foot long, interesting, easy going, super cool lizard. And his name is " DREEKO". Joshua insisted that is what he was to be called...

 

 

Because i have to.....

 

He works full time as a dispatcher for an oil company.

He has his own business.

He developed a patent for a water augmented jet engine.

He is an entrepreneur.

He is building an airplane. Yep... AN AIRPLANE IN OUR SHOP... from scratch.. like his own design he came up with and he decided that he was going to build it.

He gives me back rubs every night. Seriously.. Spoiled....

He engages and plays with the kids during the day.

He helps with homeschooling the kids.

He encourages and motivates us and loves us in ways that grow us and challenge us.

HE BLESSES ME. He works so hard! and i can't imagine this family without him!

Because i love them....

because i like this song....

"Whole Wide World"

I’m gonna walk a hundred miles
I’m gonna whistle all the while
If that’s what it takes to make me smile
I’m gonna walk a hundred miles

I’m gonna run right up this hill
Summer sky or winter chill
If I gotta take a break I will
But I’m gonna run right up this hill

I wanna hold the whole wide world
Right here in my open hands
Maybe I’m just a little girl
A little girl with great big plans

I’m gonna go and take a chance
I’m gonna learn to ballet dance
Learn a little something ‘bout romance
I’m gonna go and take a chance

I’m gonna live a crazy dream
Impossible as it may seem
Doesn’t matter what the future brings
I’m gonna live a crazy dream

[Chorus]

You tell me, “don’t try it”
I’m warning you that I won’t buy it
All failure is fleeting
I trust it always has its meaning

[Chorus]

me- " Joshua, can you get me some water please"

Joshua- "Okay mom"

Joshua goes and gets a cup of water and brings it to me.

Joshua - " Here you go mom, now only a little bit so you don't wet the bed tonight"


Thank you son for making me smile! Hahahaha Oh how i love him.... :)

Because i like qoutes for inspiration...

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be – Marcel Pagnol.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Lao Tzu.

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like – Will Rogers.

Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security – John Allen Paulos.

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us – Alexander Graham Bell

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

- Erica Jong

 

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
Cherokee Expression

 

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem."
David Carradine

 

 

Because i struggle....

I am a pleaser. I want to make everybody happy and I tend to over commit myself. No wait, i do over commit myself and take to much on. It's like i'm still trying to live like life is normal. Because i should be able to do more because i don't work, Can't i help everyone?
About 5 years ago i attended a bible study at our old church and the one thing that resonated from the older women was that they wish they would have been there for their families more... they were stay at home moms, but they were making meals for everyone else, and helping everyone else when it was their family they should have focused on. There is this mindset in the christian community that if you are a stay at home mom you have so much free time and ability to do things for others. Set aside the fact that you have your own family, go make this meal for a new mom.Those things are all well and good, but if you are making a 5 course roast dinner for a family who just had a baby, but you are feeding your family mac and cheese because you spent all your energy on the other families meal.. there is something wrong there. I see it so much, woman putting all this energy into loving others and giving their crappy seconds to their own family. I don't want to be that woman. I don't want to give love and energy to others when i can't give it to my husband and the ones that i brought into this world! I hit a hard learning curve this past year. I devoted time and energy into basically what feels like a black hole. There is so much to the story, but at the end of the day what i was seeing was a VERY stressed out and cranky me, and a very hurt family who wasn't getting my best. I was letting my family struggle for something that i thought that i could handle. I gained 20 pounds, stressed myself out to the point of developing migraines and lack of sleep. I tried doing it all and i failed and didn't give anybody my best. And so i'm slowly learning to simplify, reevaluate what's best for me, for my family. Because if i'm running myself into the ground trying to care to much or try to hard for something that i shouldn't, then i am doing no good. You know what.... even though i have seen my fault in the area of depriving my family in my quest to make everyone happy... I STILL STRUGGLE. Seriously struggle. And second guess myself. And i pull back and start feeling better and start thinking that i can handle more... and then the cycle begins again.. take on more = take on more stress = get cranky with the ones i love. BAD COMBO.
Sigh.. i ordered a book... because that's what i do when i try to figure out how to balance or work with a certain issue. This book is called "Overwhelmed no more; The complete system for balanced living for parents with special needs children" hmmmmm i have flipped through it and it looks good.

I always get comments that I have my hands full, or that things are really busy and i have a lot going on. And i use to say " well it's not that much, and we're good". Today a specialist called me up because someone we know gave her our number. I get a lot of people recommending what to do with my kiddos and what to listen to or watch or what product to give them. And it's nice but sometimes super annoying. Anyway rabbit trail. So the Lady asked me about my kids and i told her about the autism and the apraxia and the sensory issues... she said that was a lot, and for the first time i said  "YES IT IS!" Because it is... it is A LOT. And by golly I AM BUSY!!!!!! And it felt great to be honest. MY LIFE IS A LOT. And some days I wake up and just pray to God that he can keep me on my feet for that day. Some days i feel wonderful and great and think things are so easy and i totally got this. And i just need to get over the stupidity of taking on more then i can handle... and the thought that i am letting people down. You know what... I NEED TO BE OKAY WITH DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE. Because at the end of the day those that i need to love on are within a 50 foot radius of me most of the time. All others outside that radius should be the ones getting my seconds, not my first. Though i love friends and other family members dearly, my core needs to be taken care of. ESPECIALLY in this tender season. So much growth, so much development is required in my little ones minds.. this is prime time and i can't waste it feeling like i haven't been good enough for everyone else. But i still struggle, and i think with my personality i will always struggle with not taking on more then i handle...

Qoutes that i wanted to put on the last post, but good enough for thier own!

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." (Mother Teresa)

"There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties or you alter the way you meet them." (Phyllis Bottome)

"What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears." (Ellen Goodman)


"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -- Robert Brault


"You've developed the strength of a draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil ... you are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability." -Lori Borgman

Sometimes...

Sometimes i just want to stay home....
Sometimes i just don't want to explain why he is not talking...

You see what is frustrating is that we do not have a normal situation. Not only one kid has special needs, but two of my kids have special needs.
Sometimes I forget how things are. Sometimes i forget what normal life is. I mean life is normal for us... but i forget what "normal" kids are like. Usually when we spend a lot of time at home I tend to forget that our life isn't normal. So when we have friends over with "normal" kids, or when we go to places with "normal" kids... we see again how hard things are, and it honestly depresses us..
So I'm just having one of those depressed days. Yep.. I'm feeling sorry for myself that my life is different. I'm feeling sorry for myself that my kids are different. I'm feeling sorry for my kids that they will someday realize this... that they are different.. that they will see that. And it makes me not want to leave my house. It makes me want to stay home and protect my children from the world that i have to deal with for them. They may not have realized it yet, but life will not always be loving and friendly to them. And i know it's my job to do my best to teach them and LOVE them the way they are and teach them how to use their gifts... but sometimes i just want to stay home... i just want to protect them a little longer...

I never wanted to be cinderella...

 

 

When i was a little girl i didn't like Cinderella, snow white, or sleeping beauty. It seemed to me they were just pretty faces that were just dreaming about the man they would marry. That's it... nothing else. No ambition in life but to find their prince charming. Oh Disney...

I had my first movie theater experience when i was 7 years old. My mom brought me and a friend to see Beauty and the Beast. To this day it is hands down my favorite movie. I loved how the main character wanted "adventure in the great wide somewhere". She was Intelligent, strong-willed, outspoken and brave, everything i thought a woman should be. Not like the stupid air headed princess types of before. I loved how belle lost herself in books and dreamed of far off places. I also loved how she went in search of her father when he went missing and when she found him locked up, she sacrificed herself. TRUE BEAUTY.

 

 

 

 

 

When I was a freshman in high school the movie Mulan came out. Mulan plays a close second to Belle in my opinion. She refuses to be labeled and she wants to do something great... was the something great, find a price charming? NOPE. it was to take her fathers place in a fierce war and to defend her families honor and her country. TRUE BEAUTY.

 

 

 

 

In the process of these girls/women finding themselves there happened to be a man, and the man fell in love with her not because of her beauty, not because of her fabulous singing voice or the way that she danced. NO.. they fell in love because of the strength, courage and character that the woman possessed.

 

Maybe that's why i never liked or wanted to be Cinderella or any of those other frilly princesses. Because even from a young age i could see that i had worth, that i had courage, determination and i wanted to make a difference.

 

My mom never expected me to be the adventurous type that would go to college far away from where i grew up, marry a man and intend on living overseas. We did not move overseas, but i do live half a country away from my family. It's funny.. she thought i would be the one who would stay home and be a momma's girl forever. Nope.. this girl had a dream in her heart and a longing to see the world. Adventure, excitement, things I've never seen or experienced before. Of course i am cautious and do these things within reason. :) My mom things driving to Seattle to visit a friend and then driving back in the middle of the night is adventurous ( Seattle is about 2 hours from where we live). I just consider that a nice break! HA

 

I always thought i would teach my daughters not to be the Cinderella type. Well turns out we didn't end up with daughters so now i have a new task. Teach my sons how to find and love a woman NOT like Cinderella... more like belle or mulan. A woman with strong conviction, a woman with adventure in her heart and a dream.Not just a pretty face.

 

What do you think about the disney princesses? Do you feel like they have done an injustice to reality?

 

Pumpkin Picking time

Every year we head to Portland's famous, Sauvie Island to go on a hay ride and pick our own pumpkins (as well as indulge in their fabulous produce). Here are some pictures from this year.

 

 

This is a REAL LIFE family picture... :)

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel loves the hayride!

 

This one will do mom!

 

 

We went with some friends.. so here is the gang of kids!

 

 

 

:)

my life as a song...

If i could squish a bunch of songs together right now to make a life song.. the lyrics to that song would go something like this...

I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can





My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...
Some terrible lies...





All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You






When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Para- para- paradise
Every time she closed her eyes





Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever I'm with you
Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Moats and boats and Waterfalls, Alleyways and payphone calls
I been everywhere with you (that's true)

Laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night
never could be sweeter than with you

And in the streets you run afree,
Like it's only you and me,
Geeze, you're something to see.

Don't you worry there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills

Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean

Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did you know that you could be wrong
And swear you’re right
Some people been known to do it
All their lives
Now I’m right here, and I’m right now
And I’m hoping, knowing somehow
That my shadow days are over
My shadow days are over now

 

 

 

 

 

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

I see Your face, I see Your face
I see Your face, You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful

I made my mistakes
I seen my heart cave in
I got my scars
I been to hell and back again

Born for the blue skies
We’ll survive the rain
Born for the sunrise
We’ll survive the pain

We’re singing…
Hey, you can’t count us out
We’ve been running up against the crowd
Yeah, we are the dark horses
We’re singing…
Wait! It’s not over now
We’ve been down but we’ve never been out
Yeah, we are the dark horses

We found the way out
The city takes everything it can
But outside the crowds
I can feel my lungs again

Born for the blue skies
We’ll survive the rain
Born for the sunrise
We’ll survive the pain

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love, this is hate...
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Oh, no!

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

*leanne rimes- What i cannot change, * Fun -Some nights, *Gungor- beautiful things, * coldplay- paradise, *Edward Sharpe,  Home *Ingrid Michelson- You and I, *John Mayer- Shadow Days, *Phil Wickham, You're Beautiful, *switchfoot- dark horses, *Losing, tenth avenue north

Ben

If you are interested in following Ben's story you can keep up to date yourself here...

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjaminisaac

You will have to put in your e-mail address and make a password so you can access the page. Jana is very good about updating how Ben is doing and how things are going and they have many pictures posted. They will be making a map for Ben and pinpointing all of the people around the world that are praying for him and thinking of him. They would love some encouragement or a quick note if you have time!

Thank you friends!

another update

Here is the latest from Ben's mom...
Our brave boy Benjamin's glucose is high and he has a post-op fever. Please pray for wisdom for the nurses and doctors as they get this under control.
Ben is having some pain now and is becoming more restless....please pray.

Update on Ben

Surgery is complete ...Dr. Nathaniel explained that the mass was the size of a football.!!!!!!!!!! 3 lbs. !!!!!!!!!!! All out and lost a kidney. Benjamin is stable with a tube in his nose. He is resting now and his family is able to visit him and decorate his hospital room.
Thank you friends for caring enough for a fmaily that i care for to say at least a quick prayer... a quick sharing of the burden, a quick tear shed and thanking God that tonight it's not your child.

Breaking hearts and prayers needed

When i was in high school i babysat for a wonderful family. They were the very picture of parenthood and marriage i knew i wanted in my life when i someday had my own family. I just found out last night that their precious baby... their only son, who is 5 years old, was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He will be undergoing surgery today to get one of his kidney's removed and a internal line put in for chemotherapy. If you would please keep this precious little boy and his family in your prayers!
Benjamin is his name, and his mom (jana) and dad (dave) have 3 other daughters as well.

Thank you friends!

my world today...

We were blessed with FREE new windows and a sliding glass door for our home. Our old windows had mold growing on them and they were basically destroying our house. BOO... now i feel like our home is so much safer health wise!


Our babysitter/aid for our boys, who was up in Alaska for a few months, is back home in Washington and it so lovely to see her! Not only is she fabulous with my boys, i also enjoy her company! Many years ago when i was a youth leader at our old church she was one of the girls in my group. So it's been so much fun watching her become a woman! Oh i am just happy she is back! And she brought me flowers.    :)

 

 

This morning i was helping Elijah out of his shirt to put a new one on and as i lifted his shirt i noticed non other then the tell tale sign on CHICKEN POX! That's right... chicken pox has taken up residence in one of our kiddos. He is the youngest and non-vaccinated so i am not surprised... just not sure where he got it from. I am anticipating Daniel will catch it as he is not vaccinated either, not sure about Joshua. Joshua actually did receive the vaccine when he was 1, so according to the CDC he should be immune to it. We shall see! I am very skeptical when it comes to vaccines.

 

We are also dealing with cancer again. Matt's grandma just got diagnosed with colon cancer and the doctors are pretty sure that it has metastasised, they are just not sure where to.

 

And that is what is going on here today.. and it's sounds strange, but today I'm just so HAPPY.

 

weird huh?

 

 It must be the Holy Sprit or something great like that working on my heart to keep it at peace right now.

To Daniel

 

 

6 years ago you entered the world, your dad thought you looked like a gnome, a hairy gnome... I thought you where the most beautiful child i ever set eyes on. Yep... even more handsome then your big brother. The doctors commented on how you where so big at 8 pounds 3 oz. We thought you were tiny! Of all of your brothers you where the smallest.. though i think you will end up to be the tallest.  You have taught me the most about myself. You have enriched my life for the better. You challenge me, you make me cry, you make me laugh. Your dad and i have spent a lot of time figuring out how to "fix you". And now we know after 5 years of wondering, what specific struggles you face, and it makes us love you more, and it makes us see that we are the ones that need to grow and learn. We love you son. We love everything about you and we are BLESSED to be entrusted as your parents. I only pray that we can be your voice and your advocate until you have the strength to step out on your own... and i know you will.. you are such a strong boy.. you have so much brilliance.. so much light. You my son, where born for great things, and we know you will touch many hearts through your journey of life.

 

 

sometimes taking on too much...

I was driving through town yesterday and i saw a little boy trying to ride a bike. What caught my attention was that the little boy was so very little and the bike was so very big. The child obviously thought that he could handle such a big bike, and maybe he even was proud of himself for propelling such an object that was so much larger then himself... but to me, it was so very obvious at how much he was struggling.
 And then i thought about life (as i do often). I thought about how we look at things and how we want things... but sometimes those things are too big for us. And when we try to take on those big things, we struggle and try not to fall. We try to make it seem to others that we can handle whatever the big thing is in our life. But in reality we may need to grow first before the "bigger bike" fits us. We need to ride the smaller bike and gain skills and let time pass before we take on the bigger bikes. We are surrounded by a society that thinks that the bigger bikes are more desirable.. but in the end, we end up just looking silly trying to ride these over sized bikes, and it gets so EXHAUSTING!
Do you have any "bigger bikes" that you are trying to take on when it's just not the right fit?