Goodbye

I can safely say that 2011 will not be a year that I will forget. This year has been the most stretching year yet. With various diagnosis for children, the loss of a beloved father, the caring of a younger sister and experiencing the birth and first few weeks of my precious nephew's life... Among other things.... I will not forget.
I'm looking forward.
Mostly with hope, but it is mixed with uncertainty.
So much more to share, and even though it's 10 pm, the house is sleeping and so should I.
So goodnight my fellow travelers on this journey of life. May you close the old year with new wisdom and begin the new year with a sense of HOPE!

Happy birthday Jesus cake...




This Christmas was different for me. My little sister has now been living with us for the past week. It is not a permanent situation, but she will be here another week. It is not easy for me to share my house. I mean i LOVE guests for a few days, but this is a little different as she is one of those high needs people. I think i have a touch of OCD as well... really seriously. I like things certain ways and i am use to my schedule, so with all this newness and getting my sister hooked into the community and the resources that she needs here, i'm getting all thrown off. And with any new mom the movement is a bit slower then i am use to. Add a new mom and then a baby and three little boys to the mix it is not easy to get things done. I just need to focus on the important things and to go with the flow right now. I am making sure that i get sleep at night so that's been good for my general mood, though i still feel like a little bit of a bear.

I was thinking about how much God loves us. To be brought down so low into infant status, to be born in a stable with animals and raised by a teenager in a scandalous situation in appearance sake. He went from glory to one of the lowliest states. So much suffering he went through for us.. and how did we repay him, we tacked our sins to him and nailed him on a cross. That's gratitude for you. I think that this holiday season has just been one that has been filled with so much faith stretching patience and obedience it has brought me closer to the heart of Christ and just how undeserving I really am of grace and mercy and how OH SO THANKFUL i am. I am so desperately in need of His mercy and grace in my life. I could not press on without the knowledge of how deeply he loves me and how so very much i do not deserve a single thing. Not one.

Anyway... please, if you think of me, continue to pray for strength, patience, and grace in this current season.

Dear friends. I would appreciate prayers right now. I know what God has called me to do, but I'm just feeling plain selfish right now. I know that it will pass as a meditate on the Lord and focus on his desires for me... But I just need that extra strength knowing I'm backed by friends who care.

Twas the Night before Christmas

'Twas the night befor Christmas,And all through the dark Not a candle was glowing,not even a spark As the wold lay in sorrow,Sickness and grief It was longing for someone,to bring it relief: And the hearts that were weary,Sinsick and sore, Cried out for deliverance, Long promised before! When low on a mountian,A wonderful light Shone out through the darkness And scattered... the night When,hark! From the heavens A wonderful song Brought peace to the hearts That had waited so long! And this the glad tiding That greet the new morn, "Unto you,unto you A great Saviour is born" Twas the night before Christmas And my heart was dark. There was no light within me Not even a spark When I heard of a Saviour Who cleanses from sin, And I opened my heart And prayed Him come in. Then the light! Then the song! Then the darkness was passed! And into my heart There came Christmas at last Came the gladness and peace,CAME THE RADIANCE FAIR! For Christmas is always WHEN JESUS IS THERE! (author unknown)

Special thanks to renee for sharing...

a Martin Update...

I don't have much time but i wanted to update you all on how things are going with my sweet new nephew.

-his name is Martin Conrad Ezekiel Kuhn... Kayla named him after our Dad to honor him and to give him a legacy (there is a really cool story behind that that maybe i will share sometime with everyone.) Kayla added Ezekiel in there because it means strong and it's a name from the Bible... because dad was a man of God.

-He seriously is super easy going and snugly

- Kayla is really taking on to caring for him. She is even breast feeding!!!! And both of them are getting down a system. I'm praying that this will last and that Kayla will keep herself healthy to keep breastfeeding... so far she is 100 percent committed to learning how to care for a child.

- I got to be there for the birth and i even cut the cord!!!! Mom was able to watch the whole thing via-skype as well... so it was exciting for all and it helped kalya through labor to be able to see mom and talk to her.

-I left her yesterday down in tillamook so i could move all of her stuff up here and get things settled for her to stay with us for a few weeks. I'm picking her up this evening and she will be staying with us until we get an apartment set up for her and Martin. We are praying that she really is able to care for him like she desires to and we are trying our best to give her every opportunity to do that.

I have a few prayer requests...

That Matt and I will remain patient with her and the Lord will fill us with wisdom in every situation with her.

Most of all please pray that God would speak to her heart and that she would choose to come back to Him. She excepted Christ when she was young but when she became a teenager she decided that she wanted to have "fun". I really feel like her turning from the Lord is the root of a lot of her issues.


THANK YOU, i appreciate prayers so much! Lots to do, may you have a blessed week before Christmas and I will talk to you soon!!!!

And i know you want to see more pictures... here is a few of him and of Kayla.

Martin

Welcome to our world

My nephew was born today at 3:30pm. He weighs 6 pounds 9 ounces and he is 20 inches long. Everyone is doing well! Prayers are GREATLY appreciated.

December 19th 2003

He has been my husband for 8 years...











And he is the most precious gift the Lord has ever given me.

At the hospital with my little sister. She is in labor, please pray for us right now.....

I ordered a book on apraxia because i am convinced that is what Daniel's disability is. I am 4 chapters in and i am now 100 percent sure that is that it is.
"Becoming Verbal with Childhood Apraxia" by Pam Marshalla.
Great book! It has ideas and tips on how to get your apraxic child to vocalize and imitate.
I feel relief.
I feel an overwhelming sense of burden for him and the task of getting him to vocalize.

but overall...
I KNOW I'M RIGHT!

Not sure why the "specialist" over here won't diagnose it.. they tell me he is to young to tell, BUT all of the people i have been in touch with who have apraxic children just like daniel, well their children where diagnosed at 2-3 years of age. hmm... maybe it's just the west coast? Because all of these people i am talking to are either on the east coast, or in Australia or Europe.

Because i feel like talking about me...

I didn't start drinking coffee regularly until i was pregnant with Joshua. Everyday at 3pm i would go to the "oasis" (my colleges old deli type restaurant on the other side of the cafeteria at the time) and get a small coffee and sit and read readers digest or whatever i could get my hands on and wait for Matt to get off of work. It's hard to believe that was a little over 7 years ago. When we moved back down to the states and i had Joshua i didn't really start back up drinking coffee, everyday again until Elijah was born. Now i love having my coffee everyday. And i'm a little bit of a snob now when it comes to coffee... more specifically i like coffee from costa rica. Either that or anywhere from central america. i can taste the difference....

I love the color blue. I also appreciate a very deep purple. Besides that i'm a neutrals girl.

I HATE JEANS WITH A PASSION. Hate them... loath them.... but I LOVE JEAN SKIRTS. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM! Which is terrible because i home school, and i love Jesus which comes with this strange stigma that if i love Jesus and i homeschool then i'm one of THOSE moms who wears jean skirts, or even homeschool mom dresses. You know the ones i am talking about.... does the name debbie mum pop up any pictures in your head?



Not that i don't think her stuff is cute, especially when i was 12, but now, i can't imagine bringing myself to wear a jumper dress with a fabric designed by debbie mum all over me. And i am so sorry if i have offended anyone who does dress this way! Okay... i explain to much! My point is that I love jean skirts, but the type that are not from back in the early 90's... well at least i would like to think my jean skirt is stylish.
Which brings me to another point... i've worn holes in my jean skirt so i am now on to find another!

Which bring me to another skirt rant... you see the skirt i am wearing in this picture.

It's shameful really. It's downright horrid. Actually i don't really like this picture but whatever, i'm holding a REALLY HEAVY turkey and it's HOT. okay so anyway... this skirt, is really not a skirt. It's really a dress... a maternity dress pulled down to skirt level. And you aren't imagining those spots. No those spots are bleach stains. Many a family member and friend have tried oh so hard to get me to get rid of this skirt, but it's SO COMFY and lovely that i just can't part with it. I know it looks terrible.. but... i just can't get rid of it piece of clothing.

I cannot wear socks the right way. Like i have to wear them inside out.. the seams and the fuzzy drives me CRAZY.... which brings me to another confession that you probably wish you never knew but hey, i'm gonna tell you. you ready for it.. i feel the same way about my underwear. inside out is the best. yep... i'm crazy, not my bras of course, but my underwear. HELLO WORLD, I AM POSTING THIS FOR ALL TO SEE ON THE INTERNET.

I think it is confirmed, i am crazy.

I love the smell of cinnamon. Fall and winter time always bring out my favorite candle smells.

i started reading a book a few days before my dad was diagnose with bone cancer. I brought it with me on my trips back home and read while i was there. I still haven't finished it. I'm not sure if i will finish it. Every time i pick it up i can only read a paragraph or two. It's a good book, but i just can't read much at a time. It's a fictional book, you may have heard of it. It is called "Inkheart". I picked it up when i saw it at the goodwill, i knew our boys would probably enjoy reading it someday. Matt has already gone through all three books of the series. I wonder if i'll ever be able to finish the first book.

I cry randomly sometimes... out of nowhere. Matt will catch me and he will ask me if i am thinking about mom. I just say yeah and change the subject. Sometimes i am thinking about her and her loss, but it seems like the times that matt sees me crying and he asks if i am thinking about mom, i am really thinking about my pain and hurt over Marty's passing.

I stayed in bed today until 10am! It was GLORIOUS! and it's 11:15 and i am still in my p.j.'s! Wonderful... i should really get dressed and pick up my two boys from grandma's house.... because she picked Joshua and Elijah up for a sleepover last night! And the really amazing part... she said that she hopes that Daniel will want to sleep over someday too! :) I have been dreaming of this for the past 7 years... THANK YOU JESUS! Grandma Crume now asks for the boys to come sleepover! yayayayayayayayaaaayyyyyyy

If i had to pick i would say "Return to me" is my favorite movie. Next to that i would say that "while you where sleeping" and "father goose" are right up there. Speaking of father goose, which you MUST SEE if you have never seen before, cary grant is one of my favorite actors. I was on this cary grant kick when i was pregnant with Joshua and borrowed all of the cary grant movies that the library had on stock. Another of my favorite cary grant movies are "north by northwest" and another one with Audry Hepburn... charade.

favorite season... hands down is fall... next winter (but only where it snows) and then spring and then summer. In that order. Here in the northwest i would put winter as the last season because we get so much rain and not very much sun at all.

Bacon over sausage any day. But i do love sausage... with real maple syrup.

Give me a lake or a river over an ocean any day. Except a warm tropical ocean... :)

I love hospitality and having anybody and everybody come and stay with us. Matt, not so much. I mean he doesn't mind family and very close friends, but if it's friends that aren't that close he would rather not.

I am very particular about how my groceries are packed.. for instance i DO NOT like when the bread is put on the bottom of the bag... no joke, that happened to me tonight.

There are two "christian" artists.. actually make it three, that i cannot stand and have to change the station whenever i hear them...
1. Micheal W. Smith...
2. Point of Grace (or any girl group like them. )
3. Rebecca ST.James...

I complain WAY TO MUCH...

I dislike when people try to mix friendship and business. I appreciate some friends like missy who have a business, but do not push it on thier friends. I have a friend who is currently startign a new business and it's getting to the point of being offending. I'm not to sure how to confront this person because she isn't that close of friend, so i'm just not sure how to go about it. But she obviously is crossing some lines.

So there are some randoms for you about me. I've probably shared some before, and there are probably some you never knew.

Giving

Okay i just had to jump in on all this talk about gifts and Christmas and the hoopla that surrounds it.
I shared before how i feel about giving and money spending. I want to share again. So if you can stomach another post about gifts and money spending, here you are.


If you know me very well you have heard me say many times that I would rather spend money on starving children in Africa then buy something, like a new couch. Not that getting a brand new couch is a sin, but for our family it is a very strong conviction to have as little as possible and to get second (third or fourth) hand things. I think that as Americans we generally spend money terribly and tend to mistake our wants with our needs and not look at the bigger picture. On the flip side, as great as always wanting to feed the poor and sick and needy sounds, I think, there can actually be a danger in it. I think Jesus really lays out a great example of the way that we spend our money and the heart behind it.
For example, the story of the woman who anointed the Lord with expensive perfume. It's not only a great story of the compassion and love of our lord, but also a great example of spending. For those of you who may not know the story or are a bit rusty I've included the passage at the bottom for you to read. My favorite part of the story is Jesus' reaction to the people present when they where commenting on how the money could of been put to better use.
"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me.
This woman came before the lord and loved on him and showed him her love the best way she could think how, by pouring expensive perfume on him and anointing him! I personally think that He felt blessed by such love and thoughtfulness. I take that passage to heart and think about how it blesses people to love on them. Yes it cost money to bring people out to dinner, it cost money to put together care packages and to send them, and that money that you spent on that one meal or care package could keep a child alive and healthy for a whole month... BUT the fact is that by spending that money and loving that person in a way you know will bless them, it's as equally a blessing as feeding a starving child in Africa. I think there needs to be a perspective, it's OKAY to spend money on people to love on them because you are being a blessing and doing something beautiful for them. Of course I'm still all for feeding starving children in Africa... but maybe the next time you have a bit of extra cash and you really want to be a blessing and serve the Lord with your finances, send an encouraging note and a small package to a friend. That is sharing Jesus love just as much as buying a meal for a hungry child. It's all in our heart and how we perceive it.

Mark 14:1-9
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
1Now the Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread were only two days away, and the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some sly way to arrest Jesus and kill him. 2"But not during the Feast," they said, "or the people may riot."
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages[a] and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

Contradictions

I am feeling empowered.
I am feeling like I don't have the strength.
I feel like I don't really care.
I feel like I care too much.
I feel like I don't care enough.
I feel like I am doing to much.
I feel like I am not doing enough.
I want to give everybody everything that they want.
I want to just give up.
I want to press on.
I want to stay in bed, ignore my children and watch movies all day.
What I just said that? Yep... Because a part of me does.
I love my kids.
I can't stand being away from them.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
I wish more people would talk to me
I bet people who read this are going to think I'm crazy.
Especially my mother, who happens to read my blog every once in a while.
Man I love my mom, but it's like she is still reading my diary.
That's right mom, you know you are a snoop...
I just wrote a very not to loving letter to an old friend, I was frustrated that it wasn't sending and now I'm thankful it didn't send.
No it wasn't to you... Trust me.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like things are actually going pretty well.
I warned you... Contradictions....
Are you having fun yet?
I promise you I'm not crazy... Well I don't think I am...
Maybe I should go to bed...
GOODNIGHT!

we were playing a game tonight of stop and go. I was jumping around the house with Daniel saying "jump jump jump" and then i would say "stop". We do games like this quite often to hopefully get Daniel to imitate us in speech. The other boys joined in and Joshua decided to draw a picture to help Daniel even more.. he drew a stop light of sorts for Daniel...





jump , do not jump


Oh how i love my children :)

guess what...

i'm excited...




you know why????







BECAUSE...






JOSHUA

CAN

READ!!!!!!!!!

I heard this song and i started bawling... love it... It's called "She's With Me" by collin raye. But i am going to change up the lyrics a bit to "he's with me" so it fits our family a little better. SO here is the song.


he's with me

I proudly tell the maitre de as we arrive
He seems surprised
In a clumsy moment as he looks for room,
A table stares, and their eyes show only pity
as they try to sympathize
Oh, how difficult that must be, look away
Day after day, they'll never see, the joy you bring
Only happy at the times I know that he's with me

I wear it like a badge of honor at the mall
I hear him call, the only way that he is able with a cry
Time to go bye bye, he can't say why
Maybe tired, maybe hurting, god I wish that I could tell
Do I ever make him happy for awhile
To see him smile, makes my week,
Though he can't speak,
he let's me know he feels my love when he's with me

I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a mom
How could I be the one you chose to care for our boy
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share his light
Though it's such a painful road we walk each day
Lord you have your ways, this I pray
On the day I stand before you, he'll stand right by my side
When you look upon me, head hung down in shame
I'll feel the blame, he'll look at me,
And then he'll speak, in that precious voice
Don't worry 'bout her my lord, cuz you see,
she's with me

He doesn't enjoy shooting the deer, but it fills the freezer. And I'm just so proud of him for bringing home the bacon.. err i mean the venison.




Joshua was pretty excited about the deer asking all sorts of questions and making observations about the deer. I think one day he will go hunting with Matt, though i tell him now how it's not fun to kill an animal and it's sad, but they provide us with food to fill our tummies and that is why we hunt. Hopefully as he gets older he will keep that spirit and understanding that it's not for fun to hunt, it's for food.

3 years later...

I was at a garage sale over three years ago and I saw this.....



For 20 dollars. Now at the time Joshua was only 3, but I was pregnant with Elijah and I knew someday... I would regret passing up on this amazing deal. Lagos are EXPENSIVE and this was a whole garbage bag FULL of them!( they were soon transferred into this tub...it is one of those very large tubs and the lego's are actually about a foot deep, you can't tell in this picture.) For 20 measly dollars! So this is the year... I dug them out, Joshua is now ready and this Christmas he is going to be showered with Lego's... I just found a transformer in the bin.. It's like digging through buried boy treasure.

So the moral of this story... If you see a garbage bag full of Lego's and you have three sons, BUY IT. 20 dollars well spent even though it's been in storage for 3 years!