Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
when i think i am not doing enough...
Warning.. this will be a jumbled mess ... but I have a request that is important to me if you stick with it.
Sometimes I think I am not doing enough. Sometimes I think I am doing to much. Then I start writing a blog post about how it is harder to be a parent with special needs kids then a parent with "normal" kids. And then I start to get angry, or sound mean towards others, or sound bitter about my situation. And I just want people to understand. And sometimes I just want them to not say things like " I don't know how you do it", or " I'm sorry" or " will he be able to live on his own when he gets older?".. I know most all of those comments are innocent and meant with good intentions and curiosity. Sometimes i would rather not listen to advice from friends who have NO idea my day in day out struggles... yes they hear about them but they do not fully understand. (I have been blessed with a friend who does not have kiddos yet who really listens, understands and offers wonderful support and advice.. as well as a few friends who know the path i walk because they walk it as well) Sometimes I just want acknowledgment on how hard it is. And then I read the post I write and then I delete it all because I really do love my children and my life and I don't want it to sound like I don't.
Sometimes I dream... I want to be an encouragement. I want to be a light for the special needs community... I don't want to be a voice of negativity. I have learned so much, I still have so much to learn. Sometimes I offend people and sometime I am offended. My life is different, my path has been walked by many, my life is exceptional, my life is ordinary.
And I read... oh how I read.. I read about therapies, I study, and I wonder... what IF.. WHAT IF I DID....
and then I think I am not doing enough.
Because doing everything isn't enough. But it is... but it isn't, or so I've read. Because there is always something MORE.
But maybe I just need to do less. But what would people think of me? And I guess I am busy. I don't feel busy.. but I am.
And this season will pass.. just as the last season did. And I will feel confident again, and I will feel like things are awesome, and I will forget about the differences in my children that I face each day because they are normal to me.. and they are normal to them.
But I know every once in a while i'll forget again and want to write a blog post about how hard life is and i'll want some support and encouragement again.
Can you, my meager amount of readers do me a favor? I'm asking for some encouragement... not " God doesn't give you more then you can handle" encouragement... just encouragement about how awesome my kids are and an acknowledgement of how hard I am working with them to make their lives beautiful for THEM, and how hard they are working. Does that sound self centered or pushy or needy? Well sorry if you think so, but honestly.. if you know me, and my heart and my day in day out life.. you know it's truth (about how awesome they are and how hard we are all working to make a beautiful life)... I don't ask for much.. but when I ask, please know that I really mean it, because truthfully I could use some encouraging words right now.
Sometimes I think I am not doing enough. Sometimes I think I am doing to much. Then I start writing a blog post about how it is harder to be a parent with special needs kids then a parent with "normal" kids. And then I start to get angry, or sound mean towards others, or sound bitter about my situation. And I just want people to understand. And sometimes I just want them to not say things like " I don't know how you do it", or " I'm sorry" or " will he be able to live on his own when he gets older?".. I know most all of those comments are innocent and meant with good intentions and curiosity. Sometimes i would rather not listen to advice from friends who have NO idea my day in day out struggles... yes they hear about them but they do not fully understand. (I have been blessed with a friend who does not have kiddos yet who really listens, understands and offers wonderful support and advice.. as well as a few friends who know the path i walk because they walk it as well) Sometimes I just want acknowledgment on how hard it is. And then I read the post I write and then I delete it all because I really do love my children and my life and I don't want it to sound like I don't.
Sometimes I dream... I want to be an encouragement. I want to be a light for the special needs community... I don't want to be a voice of negativity. I have learned so much, I still have so much to learn. Sometimes I offend people and sometime I am offended. My life is different, my path has been walked by many, my life is exceptional, my life is ordinary.
And I read... oh how I read.. I read about therapies, I study, and I wonder... what IF.. WHAT IF I DID....
and then I think I am not doing enough.
Because doing everything isn't enough. But it is... but it isn't, or so I've read. Because there is always something MORE.
But maybe I just need to do less. But what would people think of me? And I guess I am busy. I don't feel busy.. but I am.
And this season will pass.. just as the last season did. And I will feel confident again, and I will feel like things are awesome, and I will forget about the differences in my children that I face each day because they are normal to me.. and they are normal to them.
But I know every once in a while i'll forget again and want to write a blog post about how hard life is and i'll want some support and encouragement again.
Can you, my meager amount of readers do me a favor? I'm asking for some encouragement... not " God doesn't give you more then you can handle" encouragement... just encouragement about how awesome my kids are and an acknowledgement of how hard I am working with them to make their lives beautiful for THEM, and how hard they are working. Does that sound self centered or pushy or needy? Well sorry if you think so, but honestly.. if you know me, and my heart and my day in day out life.. you know it's truth (about how awesome they are and how hard we are all working to make a beautiful life)... I don't ask for much.. but when I ask, please know that I really mean it, because truthfully I could use some encouraging words right now.
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