Goodbye

I can safely say that 2011 will not be a year that I will forget. This year has been the most stretching year yet. With various diagnosis for children, the loss of a beloved father, the caring of a younger sister and experiencing the birth and first few weeks of my precious nephew's life... Among other things.... I will not forget.
I'm looking forward.
Mostly with hope, but it is mixed with uncertainty.
So much more to share, and even though it's 10 pm, the house is sleeping and so should I.
So goodnight my fellow travelers on this journey of life. May you close the old year with new wisdom and begin the new year with a sense of HOPE!

Happy birthday Jesus cake...




This Christmas was different for me. My little sister has now been living with us for the past week. It is not a permanent situation, but she will be here another week. It is not easy for me to share my house. I mean i LOVE guests for a few days, but this is a little different as she is one of those high needs people. I think i have a touch of OCD as well... really seriously. I like things certain ways and i am use to my schedule, so with all this newness and getting my sister hooked into the community and the resources that she needs here, i'm getting all thrown off. And with any new mom the movement is a bit slower then i am use to. Add a new mom and then a baby and three little boys to the mix it is not easy to get things done. I just need to focus on the important things and to go with the flow right now. I am making sure that i get sleep at night so that's been good for my general mood, though i still feel like a little bit of a bear.

I was thinking about how much God loves us. To be brought down so low into infant status, to be born in a stable with animals and raised by a teenager in a scandalous situation in appearance sake. He went from glory to one of the lowliest states. So much suffering he went through for us.. and how did we repay him, we tacked our sins to him and nailed him on a cross. That's gratitude for you. I think that this holiday season has just been one that has been filled with so much faith stretching patience and obedience it has brought me closer to the heart of Christ and just how undeserving I really am of grace and mercy and how OH SO THANKFUL i am. I am so desperately in need of His mercy and grace in my life. I could not press on without the knowledge of how deeply he loves me and how so very much i do not deserve a single thing. Not one.

Anyway... please, if you think of me, continue to pray for strength, patience, and grace in this current season.

Dear friends. I would appreciate prayers right now. I know what God has called me to do, but I'm just feeling plain selfish right now. I know that it will pass as a meditate on the Lord and focus on his desires for me... But I just need that extra strength knowing I'm backed by friends who care.

Twas the Night before Christmas

'Twas the night befor Christmas,And all through the dark Not a candle was glowing,not even a spark As the wold lay in sorrow,Sickness and grief It was longing for someone,to bring it relief: And the hearts that were weary,Sinsick and sore, Cried out for deliverance, Long promised before! When low on a mountian,A wonderful light Shone out through the darkness And scattered... the night When,hark! From the heavens A wonderful song Brought peace to the hearts That had waited so long! And this the glad tiding That greet the new morn, "Unto you,unto you A great Saviour is born" Twas the night before Christmas And my heart was dark. There was no light within me Not even a spark When I heard of a Saviour Who cleanses from sin, And I opened my heart And prayed Him come in. Then the light! Then the song! Then the darkness was passed! And into my heart There came Christmas at last Came the gladness and peace,CAME THE RADIANCE FAIR! For Christmas is always WHEN JESUS IS THERE! (author unknown)

Special thanks to renee for sharing...

a Martin Update...

I don't have much time but i wanted to update you all on how things are going with my sweet new nephew.

-his name is Martin Conrad Ezekiel Kuhn... Kayla named him after our Dad to honor him and to give him a legacy (there is a really cool story behind that that maybe i will share sometime with everyone.) Kayla added Ezekiel in there because it means strong and it's a name from the Bible... because dad was a man of God.

-He seriously is super easy going and snugly

- Kayla is really taking on to caring for him. She is even breast feeding!!!! And both of them are getting down a system. I'm praying that this will last and that Kayla will keep herself healthy to keep breastfeeding... so far she is 100 percent committed to learning how to care for a child.

- I got to be there for the birth and i even cut the cord!!!! Mom was able to watch the whole thing via-skype as well... so it was exciting for all and it helped kalya through labor to be able to see mom and talk to her.

-I left her yesterday down in tillamook so i could move all of her stuff up here and get things settled for her to stay with us for a few weeks. I'm picking her up this evening and she will be staying with us until we get an apartment set up for her and Martin. We are praying that she really is able to care for him like she desires to and we are trying our best to give her every opportunity to do that.

I have a few prayer requests...

That Matt and I will remain patient with her and the Lord will fill us with wisdom in every situation with her.

Most of all please pray that God would speak to her heart and that she would choose to come back to Him. She excepted Christ when she was young but when she became a teenager she decided that she wanted to have "fun". I really feel like her turning from the Lord is the root of a lot of her issues.


THANK YOU, i appreciate prayers so much! Lots to do, may you have a blessed week before Christmas and I will talk to you soon!!!!

And i know you want to see more pictures... here is a few of him and of Kayla.

Martin

Welcome to our world

My nephew was born today at 3:30pm. He weighs 6 pounds 9 ounces and he is 20 inches long. Everyone is doing well! Prayers are GREATLY appreciated.

December 19th 2003

He has been my husband for 8 years...











And he is the most precious gift the Lord has ever given me.

At the hospital with my little sister. She is in labor, please pray for us right now.....

I ordered a book on apraxia because i am convinced that is what Daniel's disability is. I am 4 chapters in and i am now 100 percent sure that is that it is.
"Becoming Verbal with Childhood Apraxia" by Pam Marshalla.
Great book! It has ideas and tips on how to get your apraxic child to vocalize and imitate.
I feel relief.
I feel an overwhelming sense of burden for him and the task of getting him to vocalize.

but overall...
I KNOW I'M RIGHT!

Not sure why the "specialist" over here won't diagnose it.. they tell me he is to young to tell, BUT all of the people i have been in touch with who have apraxic children just like daniel, well their children where diagnosed at 2-3 years of age. hmm... maybe it's just the west coast? Because all of these people i am talking to are either on the east coast, or in Australia or Europe.

Because i feel like talking about me...

I didn't start drinking coffee regularly until i was pregnant with Joshua. Everyday at 3pm i would go to the "oasis" (my colleges old deli type restaurant on the other side of the cafeteria at the time) and get a small coffee and sit and read readers digest or whatever i could get my hands on and wait for Matt to get off of work. It's hard to believe that was a little over 7 years ago. When we moved back down to the states and i had Joshua i didn't really start back up drinking coffee, everyday again until Elijah was born. Now i love having my coffee everyday. And i'm a little bit of a snob now when it comes to coffee... more specifically i like coffee from costa rica. Either that or anywhere from central america. i can taste the difference....

I love the color blue. I also appreciate a very deep purple. Besides that i'm a neutrals girl.

I HATE JEANS WITH A PASSION. Hate them... loath them.... but I LOVE JEAN SKIRTS. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM! Which is terrible because i home school, and i love Jesus which comes with this strange stigma that if i love Jesus and i homeschool then i'm one of THOSE moms who wears jean skirts, or even homeschool mom dresses. You know the ones i am talking about.... does the name debbie mum pop up any pictures in your head?



Not that i don't think her stuff is cute, especially when i was 12, but now, i can't imagine bringing myself to wear a jumper dress with a fabric designed by debbie mum all over me. And i am so sorry if i have offended anyone who does dress this way! Okay... i explain to much! My point is that I love jean skirts, but the type that are not from back in the early 90's... well at least i would like to think my jean skirt is stylish.
Which brings me to another point... i've worn holes in my jean skirt so i am now on to find another!

Which bring me to another skirt rant... you see the skirt i am wearing in this picture.

It's shameful really. It's downright horrid. Actually i don't really like this picture but whatever, i'm holding a REALLY HEAVY turkey and it's HOT. okay so anyway... this skirt, is really not a skirt. It's really a dress... a maternity dress pulled down to skirt level. And you aren't imagining those spots. No those spots are bleach stains. Many a family member and friend have tried oh so hard to get me to get rid of this skirt, but it's SO COMFY and lovely that i just can't part with it. I know it looks terrible.. but... i just can't get rid of it piece of clothing.

I cannot wear socks the right way. Like i have to wear them inside out.. the seams and the fuzzy drives me CRAZY.... which brings me to another confession that you probably wish you never knew but hey, i'm gonna tell you. you ready for it.. i feel the same way about my underwear. inside out is the best. yep... i'm crazy, not my bras of course, but my underwear. HELLO WORLD, I AM POSTING THIS FOR ALL TO SEE ON THE INTERNET.

I think it is confirmed, i am crazy.

I love the smell of cinnamon. Fall and winter time always bring out my favorite candle smells.

i started reading a book a few days before my dad was diagnose with bone cancer. I brought it with me on my trips back home and read while i was there. I still haven't finished it. I'm not sure if i will finish it. Every time i pick it up i can only read a paragraph or two. It's a good book, but i just can't read much at a time. It's a fictional book, you may have heard of it. It is called "Inkheart". I picked it up when i saw it at the goodwill, i knew our boys would probably enjoy reading it someday. Matt has already gone through all three books of the series. I wonder if i'll ever be able to finish the first book.

I cry randomly sometimes... out of nowhere. Matt will catch me and he will ask me if i am thinking about mom. I just say yeah and change the subject. Sometimes i am thinking about her and her loss, but it seems like the times that matt sees me crying and he asks if i am thinking about mom, i am really thinking about my pain and hurt over Marty's passing.

I stayed in bed today until 10am! It was GLORIOUS! and it's 11:15 and i am still in my p.j.'s! Wonderful... i should really get dressed and pick up my two boys from grandma's house.... because she picked Joshua and Elijah up for a sleepover last night! And the really amazing part... she said that she hopes that Daniel will want to sleep over someday too! :) I have been dreaming of this for the past 7 years... THANK YOU JESUS! Grandma Crume now asks for the boys to come sleepover! yayayayayayayayaaaayyyyyyy

If i had to pick i would say "Return to me" is my favorite movie. Next to that i would say that "while you where sleeping" and "father goose" are right up there. Speaking of father goose, which you MUST SEE if you have never seen before, cary grant is one of my favorite actors. I was on this cary grant kick when i was pregnant with Joshua and borrowed all of the cary grant movies that the library had on stock. Another of my favorite cary grant movies are "north by northwest" and another one with Audry Hepburn... charade.

favorite season... hands down is fall... next winter (but only where it snows) and then spring and then summer. In that order. Here in the northwest i would put winter as the last season because we get so much rain and not very much sun at all.

Bacon over sausage any day. But i do love sausage... with real maple syrup.

Give me a lake or a river over an ocean any day. Except a warm tropical ocean... :)

I love hospitality and having anybody and everybody come and stay with us. Matt, not so much. I mean he doesn't mind family and very close friends, but if it's friends that aren't that close he would rather not.

I am very particular about how my groceries are packed.. for instance i DO NOT like when the bread is put on the bottom of the bag... no joke, that happened to me tonight.

There are two "christian" artists.. actually make it three, that i cannot stand and have to change the station whenever i hear them...
1. Micheal W. Smith...
2. Point of Grace (or any girl group like them. )
3. Rebecca ST.James...

I complain WAY TO MUCH...

I dislike when people try to mix friendship and business. I appreciate some friends like missy who have a business, but do not push it on thier friends. I have a friend who is currently startign a new business and it's getting to the point of being offending. I'm not to sure how to confront this person because she isn't that close of friend, so i'm just not sure how to go about it. But she obviously is crossing some lines.

So there are some randoms for you about me. I've probably shared some before, and there are probably some you never knew.

Giving

Okay i just had to jump in on all this talk about gifts and Christmas and the hoopla that surrounds it.
I shared before how i feel about giving and money spending. I want to share again. So if you can stomach another post about gifts and money spending, here you are.


If you know me very well you have heard me say many times that I would rather spend money on starving children in Africa then buy something, like a new couch. Not that getting a brand new couch is a sin, but for our family it is a very strong conviction to have as little as possible and to get second (third or fourth) hand things. I think that as Americans we generally spend money terribly and tend to mistake our wants with our needs and not look at the bigger picture. On the flip side, as great as always wanting to feed the poor and sick and needy sounds, I think, there can actually be a danger in it. I think Jesus really lays out a great example of the way that we spend our money and the heart behind it.
For example, the story of the woman who anointed the Lord with expensive perfume. It's not only a great story of the compassion and love of our lord, but also a great example of spending. For those of you who may not know the story or are a bit rusty I've included the passage at the bottom for you to read. My favorite part of the story is Jesus' reaction to the people present when they where commenting on how the money could of been put to better use.
"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me.
This woman came before the lord and loved on him and showed him her love the best way she could think how, by pouring expensive perfume on him and anointing him! I personally think that He felt blessed by such love and thoughtfulness. I take that passage to heart and think about how it blesses people to love on them. Yes it cost money to bring people out to dinner, it cost money to put together care packages and to send them, and that money that you spent on that one meal or care package could keep a child alive and healthy for a whole month... BUT the fact is that by spending that money and loving that person in a way you know will bless them, it's as equally a blessing as feeding a starving child in Africa. I think there needs to be a perspective, it's OKAY to spend money on people to love on them because you are being a blessing and doing something beautiful for them. Of course I'm still all for feeding starving children in Africa... but maybe the next time you have a bit of extra cash and you really want to be a blessing and serve the Lord with your finances, send an encouraging note and a small package to a friend. That is sharing Jesus love just as much as buying a meal for a hungry child. It's all in our heart and how we perceive it.

Mark 14:1-9
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
1Now the Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread were only two days away, and the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some sly way to arrest Jesus and kill him. 2"But not during the Feast," they said, "or the people may riot."
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages[a] and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

Contradictions

I am feeling empowered.
I am feeling like I don't have the strength.
I feel like I don't really care.
I feel like I care too much.
I feel like I don't care enough.
I feel like I am doing to much.
I feel like I am not doing enough.
I want to give everybody everything that they want.
I want to just give up.
I want to press on.
I want to stay in bed, ignore my children and watch movies all day.
What I just said that? Yep... Because a part of me does.
I love my kids.
I can't stand being away from them.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
I wish more people would talk to me
I bet people who read this are going to think I'm crazy.
Especially my mother, who happens to read my blog every once in a while.
Man I love my mom, but it's like she is still reading my diary.
That's right mom, you know you are a snoop...
I just wrote a very not to loving letter to an old friend, I was frustrated that it wasn't sending and now I'm thankful it didn't send.
No it wasn't to you... Trust me.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like things are actually going pretty well.
I warned you... Contradictions....
Are you having fun yet?
I promise you I'm not crazy... Well I don't think I am...
Maybe I should go to bed...
GOODNIGHT!

we were playing a game tonight of stop and go. I was jumping around the house with Daniel saying "jump jump jump" and then i would say "stop". We do games like this quite often to hopefully get Daniel to imitate us in speech. The other boys joined in and Joshua decided to draw a picture to help Daniel even more.. he drew a stop light of sorts for Daniel...





jump , do not jump


Oh how i love my children :)

guess what...

i'm excited...




you know why????







BECAUSE...






JOSHUA

CAN

READ!!!!!!!!!

I heard this song and i started bawling... love it... It's called "She's With Me" by collin raye. But i am going to change up the lyrics a bit to "he's with me" so it fits our family a little better. SO here is the song.


he's with me

I proudly tell the maitre de as we arrive
He seems surprised
In a clumsy moment as he looks for room,
A table stares, and their eyes show only pity
as they try to sympathize
Oh, how difficult that must be, look away
Day after day, they'll never see, the joy you bring
Only happy at the times I know that he's with me

I wear it like a badge of honor at the mall
I hear him call, the only way that he is able with a cry
Time to go bye bye, he can't say why
Maybe tired, maybe hurting, god I wish that I could tell
Do I ever make him happy for awhile
To see him smile, makes my week,
Though he can't speak,
he let's me know he feels my love when he's with me

I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a mom
How could I be the one you chose to care for our boy
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share his light
Though it's such a painful road we walk each day
Lord you have your ways, this I pray
On the day I stand before you, he'll stand right by my side
When you look upon me, head hung down in shame
I'll feel the blame, he'll look at me,
And then he'll speak, in that precious voice
Don't worry 'bout her my lord, cuz you see,
she's with me

He doesn't enjoy shooting the deer, but it fills the freezer. And I'm just so proud of him for bringing home the bacon.. err i mean the venison.




Joshua was pretty excited about the deer asking all sorts of questions and making observations about the deer. I think one day he will go hunting with Matt, though i tell him now how it's not fun to kill an animal and it's sad, but they provide us with food to fill our tummies and that is why we hunt. Hopefully as he gets older he will keep that spirit and understanding that it's not for fun to hunt, it's for food.

3 years later...

I was at a garage sale over three years ago and I saw this.....



For 20 dollars. Now at the time Joshua was only 3, but I was pregnant with Elijah and I knew someday... I would regret passing up on this amazing deal. Lagos are EXPENSIVE and this was a whole garbage bag FULL of them!( they were soon transferred into this tub...it is one of those very large tubs and the lego's are actually about a foot deep, you can't tell in this picture.) For 20 measly dollars! So this is the year... I dug them out, Joshua is now ready and this Christmas he is going to be showered with Lego's... I just found a transformer in the bin.. It's like digging through buried boy treasure.

So the moral of this story... If you see a garbage bag full of Lego's and you have three sons, BUY IT. 20 dollars well spent even though it's been in storage for 3 years!

currently reading...

I've been reading the book " The Ministry of Motherhood - following Christ's example in reaching the hearts of our children" by Sally Clarkson. So far it's a great book. She uses the word GIFTS as an acronym to help remember the spiritual priorities in training children.

G- represents the gift of grace
I- represents the gift of Inspiration
F- represents the gift of faith
T represents the gift of training

I just finished the gift of grace and I am moving on to the gift of inspiration. I like her writing style, and i can easily relate to it. I'm just going to share some quotes from the book that stood out to me. There are MANY MANY more, but i don't want to write out the whole book.

"to God, relationships are always top priority"

"If I want them to be open to my messages, I need to be willing to serve them- to voluntarily give up my rights and my time to meet their felt needs- just as Jesus was willing to give for his disciples."

" I realize my love and service to them must come before any of my great words, my teaching and training. My time, my attention, my "soft-tickling"- even when i am tired or have other "important" things on my mind- is what builds our relationship and prepares them to listen to what i have to say. Only then, once wells of their need are filled with the grace of being loved, will my words to them about God's grace finally make sense. "


"Maturity in Christ is not instantaneous. but a slow process."

" it is gracious forgiveness that enables us all to move past our mistakes and keep on growing. Even more important, it is forgiving grace that makes real love possible in our lives."

"This is an important word to us as parents. Sometimes we feel that we need to play the role of Holy Spirit in our children's lives and impose great guilt on them so they will be hesitant to sin anymore."

I'm using this book right now as a study. I like how the author uses each chapter and goes through Scripture and the life of Christ as her model to parenting and outline to her book. If you are looking for a book to read on motherhood, i highly recommend this one.

all about advent

So since my bloggy friends are posting about advent and how they like to celebrate it, i thought i would share how we celebrate advent around here. A few years ago my blog friends where talking about how they celebrated advent. Growing up i remember going to an advent celebration at my church, but nothing more then that. I always longed to figure out a way for my children to really anticipate the arrival of Jesus' birthday and the full weight of what that meant to humanity. In the beginning of our Christmas celebrations i started a tradition of reading what is now my favorite Christmas book on Christmas eve. (my birthday, Jesus birthday)After we read the story we have birthday cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus. But i wanted more. So last year after looking around at different traditions we decided on the Jesse tree. There are a few different story lines you can go by, and basically whatever line you go through it all ends on Christ's birth. I like to go with the story of creation, key events and people leading up to Christ and then the whole story with the shepherds and angels and wise men. So each day starting December 1st we read a bible story related to the days topic (like dec. 1st is creation) and then after the story the boys have a special ornament they get to hang on the tree. And Christmas day we get to the birth of Christ. This especially helps my oldest son as he tends to just focus on toys at Christmas time. Anyway.. so that's what we do! :)
Feel free to share your thoughts or your traditions...

I love the quiet of the night. I use to feel like I wasn't a great mom or so spiritual because I am NOT a morning person and therefore I cannot get up before my children in the morning and have my quiet time. I have now grown enough in my understanding of the way God made me to know that it is best for me not to focus on what I think should be the mold I should fit into. I hear of so many women getting up bright and early spending time with the lord. As much as I love my Jesus , I think he would rather have me sleeping in the morning and speaking to me through my dreams. So now, when the house is sleeping and all are tucked in bed, yep, even Matt, I sit in the quiet and my soul rests. The fire glows in the wood stove and keeps me warm as well as bringing peace. It's weird to think that fire can be peaceful... But it is to me. And I'm thankful for it tonight. And the smell of the newly cut Christmas tree.

So I have a little bit of time to share something that I've been thinking about.
During this season of celebration and reflection a lot of families strive to really teach their children the meaning of Christmas. Many have traditions of advent. All of these things are great and should be done, but I just really wanted to share where my heart is on it. We could fill our children up with stories and traditions and church activities and teach them and pray for them to have a good moral character and grow up to serve the lord... But it doesn't start with teaching about advent, it doesn't come from telling about the Christ child who came to take away the sins of the world. It starts at your everyday life. The way you respond to the everyday mundane, the way you respond to unfavorable events, the way you respond to yet another disappointment, the way you deal with disscouragement, the way you speak to your spouse, the way you speak to you children. Showing them grace, love, faith, and all the things you desire your child to have starts with being Jesus to them. You and your spouse are the most tangible form of Jesus that your child will encounter in their early years. And if you really truly desire for your child to see Christ and follow, it needs to start with you and your heart. It needs to start with them seeing you in situatons where you are choosing the let Jesus shine through. So this holiday season while you are wanting your children to focus on the coming of Christ, remember to be Jesus to your child this season.. Show them Grace and mercy, love and faithfulness. And above all, choose to praise God in whatever situation you find yourself in this season. I guarantee you that your child will walk away from this seson of life more with how mommy and daddy treated them then what stories or songs or readings they went through for the season.*


*this post is not meant towards anyone... And really as a reminder to me, I just want to share and I hope that no one felt like I was attacking them personally.

for those of you who have wondered

I've been talking about Daniel a lot, and for some of you who read this you've never met him or gotten the chance to meet him. So here is a video of Daniel doing his talking and saying hello. I made this video for my mom to thank her for all that she has helped us with in giving Daniel a voice. I took this video tonight and just to let you know his verbalizing is much more then it has been even in the past few weeks. In the end he signs thank you. He does use very basic signs when i ask him to. Joshua jumps in near the end to add his sense of hyperness!



oh and for some reason he has been pointing to his teeth a lot lately and trying to tell me something, not sure if they hurt or what, i guess i trip to the dentist is due... :S

picture post...

Untie Kayla showing the boys how to make spritz cookies..













shhh... i didn't tell her i used gluten free flour and she said they tasted GREAT! :)


Joshua wants to be a hunter like daddy




painting this years christmas ornamants









Cutting down the tree...


I really dislike cutting down the tree... it is HARD! I'm not sure if i just don't have the grip strength for the sawing or what, but seriously my least favorite part of the whole christmas tree process..


more pictures and thoughts to come later...

Thankgiving!

Today is our American thanksgiving! It started with my mom calling me at 6 am to tell me that my little sister (who is actually staying with us for the holiday on the other end of the house) was having contractions and to go check on her. So i got out of bed and walked down the hall and sure enough she was having some contractions. So I decided to bring her in, just to be safe. She is only 34 weeks, this is her first holiday season away from mom and Minnesota family and of course as you know we lost dad a few months ago so i think stress kicked it in and also i think she is fighting the flu. We went in and they checked her out and hooked her up. She was having regular small contractions but she wasn't dilated or anything like that and so they gave her some meds to stop contractions. They stopped and after an hour they sent us home. Now she is sleeping and I'm about to wake her up to so she can shower and we can go celebrate thanksgiving with Matt's family. I am thankful today that my nephew is still safe and sound in utero and hopefully sticking in there for at least the next 2 weeks!

Let me just tell you that this is a crazy time and according to all of our circumstances i should be feeling more stressed out then i am, but God has given grace and peace during this time.. and today that is my BIGGEST thanks!

May you have a great day, and not only today, but everyday find God's mercies and blessing in each day and find at least one thing to be thankful for a day.

learning by doing...

We have a way of homeschooling here that is more relaxed. If there was a homeschooling method that i would say i went by it would be the Charlotte mason homeschooling method. If you are interested in homeschooling and want to know about the Charlotte mason homeschooling method i would recommend the book "A Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on the Gentle Art of Learning"
I just wanted to give you an example of what our schooling looks like.

Today Joshua found a lady bug crawling around the house. So we took the opportunity to look up information about lady bugs. Joshua went right to work making his own lady bug. After observing the ladybug for a while (he caught it and put it in a jar) he came to me and was excited because he discovered the lady bug had wings!!! Joshua actually did most of the work. He was curious about the ladybug and i was able to turn it into a school activity. It was fun and educational and it was him discovering first hand and learning from the world around him. I love this kind of learning for children so young. Work books and textbooks with pictures and information will never be as valuable or as fun as hands on life experience and will never foster curiosity.
I encourage you to look at learning and school a different way, it's much more then textbooks and multiple choice tests.

Finally a major milestone

I can say with certainty now that Elijah is potty trained! (does anyone else feel like they are talking about a dog when they say " potty trained" ?) yippie... Another out of diapers.... We are diaper free , at least for now....

for all of the doubters...

this is for all of the people in the beginning of Joshua's diagnosis who gave us no hope.... this is for all the people who treated him like he would never be able to learn or focus...



The video is a little boring... but i just had to share that my little boy does MATH.. and writes out problems...

yes he is holding his pen incorrectly and he writes his numbers backwards often (that's why i kept telling him to look at how the number was written), but these are all things he is working on and getting better at!

Happy Birthday Elijah

Today he turns 3! And he is such a blessing!
I put together a little picture slide show of the past three years, so enjoy the last three years in a few minutes...





Going through pictures i forgot how chunky of a baby he was! Also psalm 20 is his psalm. I accidentally had it scroll over the first picture! OH WELL!

Girls

We have been watching two little girls for the past few days. Their mom just had a little boy and her and her husband are recuperating and catching their breath before the 5 of them join together as a family again. I have very much enjoyed having the girls here but there is something that I've realized after this sort time with the girls... I REALLY LOVE HAVING BOYS!!

Oh how I love my boys!

Where i share about the day he died....

This may not be a post that you will want to read, but it's something that I need to get down so that I can remember as the years wear away the memories.
At the end of July when I got the call from my mom that the results said that Marty had terminal bone cancer I knew that even though they said it would be 6-12 months... i knew it would be sooner. I hung up the phone and bawled and wept. I told Matt and just wept and then I called up my good friends and cried to them. I don't know why but i felt God pressing me and telling me that we needed to go out as soon as possible. Just a few weeks earlier Matt's parents so graciously helped pay for a plane ticket for me to go out and visit my family on labor day weekend. Even though i was going to fly out to Minnesota just over 4 weeks from the time we got the news of the cancer, I felt a overwhelming need to go out with the boys and Matt asap. I had a few friends really feel an urgency that we needed to go out. So two short weeks later, the Lord worked wonders and Matt was able to get a week off of work and we pulled out in the middle of the night for a 30+ hour drive to MN. God was with us, we had NO problems on the drive and the boys did amazing! Really amazing... driving across the country with a 6, 4 and 2 year old seemed like it would be something we would never want to do.. but the drive wasn't so terrible that we are actually considering doing it again next year. We arrived about 3 days after Marty had been released from the hospital. He was still walking around on his own then and he was able to spend time with us visiting. When he came into the kitchen to see me and say hi he just hugged me and he was crying. And i was crying.. i can't ever remember him crying. He wasn't strong physically and he was pretty tired, but the boys were able to give grandpa Marty hugs and see him, and we were able to talk pretty well. I"m so glad we went when we did. Before we left Joshua gave Marty a hug and told him " I'm sorry you are sick grandpa Marty." Marty just said he was just tired, but Joshua could tell he wasn't normal. Before we left Matt and I prayed for him and he in return prayed for us and just spoke love into our lives and just gave a last bit of wisdom to Matt. We gave him a hug and I told him i would see him in two weeks (i had a plane ticket to fly out by myself for labor day, and we decided that i would just keep it.) We left and I had forgotten something in the house so i went back in to grab it and He was just sitting on his chair, reading his bible. He looked so strong and peaceful. And in that moment i just thought, this is how I want to remember you. Now let me go back a little bit to a couple of days before we left to come back home to Washington. I was with mom and she was telling me about a dream that Marty had. He had a dream that he was just in a dark room in chains and in bondage. My mom could tell you better what his dream was, but basically he was in bondage and then there was freedom and open spaces. Instantly the Lord pressed upon me that He was going to give Marty freedom and ultimate healing through death, and that it wouldn't be much longer. I just couldn't tell mom what the impression of the dream was, how do you tell a wife that you feel like God is telling you that her husband is going to die soon? Especially your mother! Let me just tell you that I believe in healing, i believe that God heals fully and completely on earth! He DID heal Marty through his first round of cancer over 7 years ago. I know that my parents were praying for a healing on earth and I know that God IS fully capable of that, but when the diagnosis of bone cancer was given I felt the Lord tell me that it was Marty's time to go home... so is it even right to share that with someone when they are praying so hard for a healing on earth? I've struggled with this a few times... feeling impressed by God that someone is going to pass ( I had a friend who lost a child and I had a dream from the Lord before it happened), and not really knowing what to do with it. DO i say something? Did he give me it to be prepared to love on the people left behind? Am i suppose to pray that event doesn't happen? I just don't know, and i do struggle, but i feel like i am growing in understanding a little more... i just don't understand why he allows me to feel those things sometimes. So when we left Minnesota that day, i really wasn't sure if i would see him on earth again. The two weeks went by slowly... so much happened from the time that we left Minnesota to the time that i flew out again. Marty's condition worsened the night we left. He was back in the hospital the next day and things looked bad. He even had a seiezer and mom thought for sure he was gone. The doctors where surprised that he was still holding on mentally so well. They did more tests and basically told him form that point, a few days after we left MN that he may have as little as a few days left. I'm going to be honest here, and this may sound insensitive, but i didn't want to go back to Minnesota. I didn't want to be there when he died, i didn't want to remember that or see that. I wanted to remember him sitting in his chair, still a little strong, reading his bible connecting with his saviour. Two days before i flew out to MN by myself for labor day weekend, Marty was released from the hospital to home hospice care. My older sister picked me up from the airport. It was late. My parents converted their downstairs into Marty's care room and mom set up a bed down there so she could take care of him because at this point he needed help with everything. He looked so much worse then the two weeks before when i had seen him and he was worse mentally.. mainly because of all the pain meds that he was on because of the bone cancer. He held a conversation for a little bit, but i could tell that he was just tired and hurting. There was no where for me to sleep besides in my parents room, it was so weird sleeping in their room and not having things be normal. The next morning I went down to visit, but i could tell he really wasn't in the mood for company, but mom wanted us to visit to keep him awake before dialysis. My older sister and I went back down with my little niece, but he asked us to leave because he needed quiet. For him that was cranky and he was off. I went with mom to drop him off at dialysis ( he had kidney failure about 5 months previous so he had been doing dialysis.) Mom was so stressed and tired. When we picked him up from dialysis and brought him home, mom was wheeling him across the lawn and he looke4d at me and he asked me " Are you okay?" . He said it differently.. like he was asking me if i was going to be okay that he would be gone soon. We got him in the house and mom got back to work on full time care of him. I spent some time with my sister and we had dinner and watched a movie. I couldn't fall asleep.. it was so hard to fall asleep. I called Matt and talked for a while about the day and how hard it was. And then i tried to sleep and i just couldn't so i wrote my friend an e-mail... here is some of that e-mail..


I can't sleep. It's hard to be sleeping in my parents room. It just feels wrong. I wish i was home. I just feel even more terrible being here because it's so much closer to the stress. Mom doesn't get any sleep because she is taking care of Marty 24-7. He won't let any of us really help.. he'll just say he doesn't need anything and then ask for mom. And it's not like you can talk about anything really because conversations last about 2 sentences over the span of 5 minutes. So... it's just hard. I really want to spend time with mom because i know she needs a break, but she can't leave Marty because again he needs the 24-7 care. Anyway... i should probably try to sleep.

About 10 minutes after i wrote this e-mail i was laying in bed just crying out to God. I was crying for my mom, I was crying for Marty. For all the pain and hardship and how hard he was still clinging to this world when i just felt like God was calling him home. And I was just crying and asking God to bring Marty home and to bring him relief and freedom and COMPLETE healing. And then i was crying that i was even feeling that way that he would be taken away. About 5 minutes after that the phone rang... and i knew mom had called tha advice nurse and the nurse was calling back. I went down to check on how things where going and asked if mom needed any help and asked her what was going on. Marty had a nose bleed earlier in the night and now he had severe congestion that was just getting worse. Mom asked me to come in and pray with Marty. SO I knelt down and started praying outload and Marty uttered out "HEALING", he wanted me to pray for healing. So i prayed that the lord would heal him and bring comfort. To ease his pain and give peace. Mom and I prayed. Marty lifted up his hands and was praising the Lord and adding him prayers when he could through the congestion. And then we started reading from the psalms and all over the place. Words of comfort and of healing and peace and the Lord drawing near. He really wanted to hear Psalm 91. We read that a few times between different scriptures. I even busted out into "as a deer" ... I'm not a great singer, but it just felt like a good thing to sing. He was just lifting his hands in praise loving his saviour. He just wanted us to keep reading. I had to pee so bad.. i was peeing ever 10 minutes. I think I pee under stress. So one of the very last things that i read to him was this passage...

Isaiah 55:8-13

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”

And as I read this passage I KNEW he was going home soon. I knew that Marty would not be returning to the Lord void. He impacted so many for the kingdom of Christ. When i read this part of the verse i just knew God was speaking through it that it would be the way he would be going into the arms of Jesus
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Marty loved thunderstorms.. and there was one that night, and shortly after he passed there was a clap of thunder that made me think about this passage i had read to him earlier and i was thinkign about the trees clapping thier hands and dancing.. it just seemed right.
So i finished reading a little and again had to pee. While i was gone Marty said his last words on this earth. He told my mom that he was free.. and to lift up your hands and praise the Lord. He was praising Jesus for as long as his earthy body would let him. Shortly before he lost his ability to speak she asked him if we should call my brother and wake up my older sister, but he said no. Shorty after he stopped talking mom looked at me and asked if we should wake up Shawna, and i thought we should. SO we woke her up and we decided to call my brother. We knew that it could be a few days with him in the stae we was, but we didn't want to take chances. So my brother nick arrived shortly. And we all sat there and decided to read to him psalm 91 again because he was pretty agitated. we had nick (my brother) read. He was pretty choked up reading it, but Marty calmed down when Nick was reading. We then tried to make him as comfortable as we could as he had slide down his special chair a little bit and looked uncomfortable. I think one of the coolest times of the night was seeing my older sister get down on her knees and start praying and calling out to the Lord for relief and healing for Marty. I had never seen or heard my sister pray, so it was just such a cool thing to be able to hear her talk to her creator. After a little bit of that we all relaxed and started talking about past vacations and fun times together. Marty then started breathing like he had fallen asleep. Which was a relief because he had finally calmed down a little bit. We knew he was sleeping because he was snoring. Oh how he would snore... you could hear the man the next state over! Mom slept with earplugs for their whole marriage and i am pretty sure she will probably sleep with earplugs the rest of her days on earth as well! So we knew he was sleeping by the snoring. And then he breathed his last breath... and we were all there, mom, shawna, me and Nick... and we were holding his hands. We told him that we would take care of mom and that we loved him. I wanted to say " Tell Jesus hello for me and give him a hug and tell him i can't wait to see him" but it seemed strange at the time.. but that's what i was thinking. Something else that i want to share quick before i go on.. that might gross you out so shik this next small paragraph if you can't read about blood and stuff...

The bloody nose was a sign that Marty had started basically bleeding to death. His platelets were so low. So near the end what was causing the congestion was actually blood running down his throat into his lungs. Mom was so calm... she lovingly wiped the blood from him mouth when it started coming out, and she was also using a thing to squeeze out the blood from this mouth. What an act of love... anyway.. I just had to share that, some may think that may be to much, but i had to share.

So after he passed, mom pulled out her bible and told us how God brought her and Marty together (which i had already known but i loved hearing) and really just testifying to the love of Christ.
And after he passed, i knew why i couldn't fall asleep that night. And I knew why he wanted me to be out there for my Dad's passing. God wanted me to see that incredible man on faith pass into eternity and to witness the last few hours that he had on earth. I felt so blessed to spend that last few hours as a family. I felt so blessed that i was able to be there to help support my family. It was like it was when we first became a family. The 5 of us. Marty was a gift from God to our family. God used Marty to bring my mom to the Lord and to bring our family out of a place with no hope.
God's timing is incredible. The plane ticket for me to fly out to Minnesota on the weekend that Marty left this life was booked BEFORE we knew about the terminal bone cancer... in fact it was 2 weeks before we knew about the cancer that I had booked the tickets. He died on September 3rd.. at 5 in the morning. That weekend is so full of so many different events and feels like a lifetime within itself. But for now.. i will leave this already much to long post for now. If you have hung on long enough to even get to this point, thank you reader, whoever you are of going down this journey with me. I hope that I have not depressed you or made you feel sad by my experience of loosing the man God put in my life as my father. I hope that you can come away from the post KNOWING that God has an ultimate plan of love and faithfulness and that He is GOOD and FAITHFUL, and though life and moments can fade away, His Glory and Love last forever. I am eternally blessed and grateful for all He is and has done in my life and I KNOW that He holds me heart and my days in His hands and that I will see my dad again some day and I know he has a purpose for Marty's passing at this time.

Imitation and an ipad update

Getting Daniel to imitate noise is a very hard task. For instance, if we were playing a game and i was barking like a dog and wanted him to bark like a dog he just has never done it. He as well has never been able to babble back at me or engage in any games where imitating would be involved.
On Sunday i found an app. for the ipad that is made for children to make noise. It is called tiga talk. The game is all voice activated... so if Daniel wants to do anything in the game he has to make a noise and imitate the character on the game. For Daniel to fly the rocket ship he would have to copy the character who is telling him to say "B" ... so once Daniel says "B B B" the rocket ship will start moving. It been so great because i have NEVER seen him imitate so much, and it's so fun to see him connecting that his voice has an effect. The app doesn't differentiate between sounds very well, but that's okay. The main point is just to get Daniel making noise, practice making sound and to be comfortable with it. Only a few days and having the ipad has already opened him up in the speech department.

The program that i found for his communication board and choice boards, is working out really well and he is understanding how to use it. It will be a couple weeks until he is using it full time for requests, but for now i am teaching him how to use the program mainly at meal times.

It's so fun to see Daniel excited about communicating and making noise! :D I just love giving him a voice! Thank you Jesus for the people who invent such terrific devices that enable people like my wonderful son to connect with others! I just wish that i had unlimited funds and all the time in the world to give EVERYONE with communication issues an ipad and teach them how to use it.

I still can't believe he's gone....

I've spent the last few days playing with Daniel's new ipad. There are so many cool programs, and after spending hours shifting through reviews and different functions I went with the app. icommunicate for Daniel's main communicating needs right now. I wish you all could see this thing! I'm so excited to give Daniel a voice!!!! :)

Now for a few pictures...

Matt is endevoring on building a top secret project that has to do with a speed boat... Elijah thinks it's pretty cool...






It's a good thing that our chickens are so friendly and don't mind the boys...



I hope you my reader are having a great weekend..

until next time...

results

Today went very well. we were up and out of the house at 6:15am. Both of us are not morning people so it was a miracle that we were as functioning as we were this morning. We hit some traffic but found where we needed to be in time. I'm not going to go on and on about the little details because i just don't want to bore you with all of the language, so I'll give you the basics. After a day of testing and asking me questions the experts have officially diagnosed Daniel with the following...

Developmental Coordination Disorder- Basically children with DCD have difficulty mastering simple motor activities, such as tying shoes or going down stairs, and are unable to perform age-appropriate academic and self-care tasks. Some children may experience difficulties in a variety of areas while others may have problems only with specific activities. Children with DCD usually have normal or above average intellectual abilities. However, their motor coordination difficulties may impact their academic progress, social integration and emotional development. You can read more about DCD here.


next we have...


Global Developmental Delay

Simply put Global developmental delay means that a child is developing more slowly than other children of the same age in all areas of development. So really it's just a fancy term to say that Daniel is developing behind his peers.

And lastly ...

Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder
Basically a fancy term for saying that Daniel is delayed in his speech communication and his understanding of language adn they have no idea why. Here is a website that explains it.

As for the childhood apraxia of speech, otherwise known as dyspraxia, the speech therapist said that Daniel does exhibit signs that that disability could very well be the issue, BUT he is to young to really give him that label just yet. They did encourage us to pursue the route of treating him like he did have apraxia. But they did say that at his age it's just to hard to diagnose properly.

So what does it all mean and how are we going to approach the next step? So the experts recommend more speech therapy and also that we need to add occupational therapy to his routine. They said that OT will help develop his fine motor skills as well as other areas that need strengthening. The also recommended that we get him into rock climbing! I wonder if insurance will pay for that since it is therapy. :)
On the speech front the next step is to introduce an electronic communication device to augment his speech. The speech therapist HIGHLY recommended that we get him a IPAD as they have many apps specifically for speech development. She showed me a ton of programs and i was convinced. Daniel's teachers at his school are already starting to implement it into his therapy there, so it just makes sense. Here is an article that talks about using the ipad as a speech therapy resource. I'm excited... i really think Daniel is going to really advance with something to help him communicate and he already does so well with electronics and figuring things out. God totally blessed us and we are being provided with one for FREE! THANK YOU JESUS. Because they are not cheap!

How am I feeling? Actually pretty good. It was funny because through the whole thing and them asking me questions, i just reminded myself that they don't know me, or how hard i work with my children or how much i love them. So i wasn't offended at all through it. And when it came time for them to tell me their findings, i was not surprised at all (i didn't think i would be because i already know he is behind) and it just gave me more confirmation on how to proceed. Though i always walk away from the specialist feeling sad that they really won't ever get to see the depth of beauty that my child possesses that i get to see. Nor do they look at his spirit and who he is in Christ, because really, that's the biggest part of the picture. And when I am thinking about Daniel and thinking about who he will be as he grows up and the people he will meet I am thinking about who Christ has made him to be and what great things God has planned for him. :)

What about schooling? Are you going to homeschool him? How much therapy will he be in? I love the program he is in right now and he will be able to stick with it until summer next year. After that there is nothing that i have found that i like therefore we will be full time homeschooling. IN all honesty they recommended that we seriously UP his therapy, but i disagree a little. I think it would be worse for him to be running ALL OVER the place to different "specialist" when a lot of what they do i could implement at home on a schedule and less stressed basis. I will be pursuing more therapy options for him but they will be home based as in the therapist comes to us at home and i just learn more about what needs to be done to help him myself. No i am not an OT or ST.. BUT if given the tools i can do a lot of work with him on a consistent and fun basis while still working with the specialist.

One more thing they recommended is that they want to send him to another clinic that will do even more indepth testing to rule out the possibility of autism. So they are sending in a referral for that and it will be about 9 month until we can get in for that. We are going to go through with it unless we change our minds before the 9 months comes up!

Whew.. so that's it for now.. I am tired and ready for a nice hot bath and maybe a little down time! NIGHT ALL! and THANK YOU for all of your prayers. I will most definitely keep you updated on how everything is going!

Tomorrow

It's the big day tomorrow... the day that the professionals tell us exactly why they think our 5 year old son is still not talking... So if you think of us, pray for us tomorrow. It's going to be an all day thing and it will just be me and Daniel, so i could use the extra lifting up in prayer.

Kid History

We were over at a friends house and they showed us this hillarious video... seriously.. the most funny thing i've seen in a while.

questions, and waiting for answers

Do you have to put a barrier up when your children eat so they can't see each other?



I know this seems a little extreme but for some reason whenever Daniel looks over at Elijah eating he gags and starts to throw up and cry. I think it may be because Elijah is SO messy when he eats...

Something that I've really had to remind myself of lately is that mothering is a high calling and the way that i raise my children can bring many people to Christ. John Wesley said: “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.”

I'm looking for a good book on mothering to read. Anyone have any suggestions?

The other day i was going though my closet and I pulled out a doll to help teach my little sister how to change diapers before her baby is born. Elijah saw the doll and picked her up and said " it's my baby!" And then he laid the baby down and said " You're poopy, it's time to change your diaper." It was just so interesting to watch because neither of the boys have been interested in babies before. I mean i guess i never really encouraged it because they are boys and we really don't have dolls around.. more like super heroes. After being excited about Elijah playing with a doll "typically" (as in a child normally developing) I had to ask myself if it was okay that he was playing with a doll. I mean after all.. he is a boy... is that okay for him to be playing with a baby doll? I decided that there was really no harm in it in, though i was concerned that Matt would be against it. To my surprise he was alright with it (this is the guy that won't let me spike the boys hair) and said that it would help him be a good dad someday. It's not like he is dressing the doll up and trying to feed it. He was more like wrestling with it and smacking it's head on the ground as he drags it around. What do you think about boys playing with baby dolls?


Daniel's test next week for an official diagnosis. I got a call today for a confirmation of appointment time and they told me to be there at 8:15 am and not expect to be out of it until ,at least 2:15pm. 6 hours of testing! OY!!!! I'm gonna need some strong coffee that morning because in order to get there we are going to have to leave at 6:15am!!!! And Daniel is not an earlier riser. He is my only child who would rather sleep in any day then get up early. I think he takes after me in that aspect. My other two boys pop out of bed like daisies! I know this sounds strange but I'm looking forward to the day. It will be good to get professionals opinion on Daniel's struggles. I'm ready for it. On anther note related to the diagnosis day, it is over half of what we thought it would cost, AND our insurance is paying 80 percent of the cost, so that's a relief.


On the subject of Daniel, we've been working on visual aids with him lately. It has been going really well and he is picking up on it. I've done then on and off over the years with no real success and just frustration and extra work, but it seems like this time it is cutting back on work and making communication easier. And working on the visual aids now (commonly known as the picture exchange system) will help him in the future if he is physically unable to speak and he needs a communication device. You can read about communication devices and how they help here.

Joshua's homeschooling is coming along well and he is picking up on so many things! I am just so proud of him!!!! :)

Lately we've discovered that Elijah loves puzzles! He will sit for hours putting puzzles together and singing and talking to himself. It's so fun to watch him!




Though he has been a bit of a whiny child lately... for instance he took out daddy's tools and was told very kindly to put them away and it turned into a dramatic experience for him.




There is a season of uncertainty coming up soon with the birth of my little sisters child. Prayer would be appreciated that God would give us wisdom and counsel on how to best do what he wants us to do in such a unique situation.


And the last thing i have for you tonight is for Maria... a picture of Dottie

I love when she comes to visit. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. We all love her so much.

More weekend fun

Renegade ended up tasting pretty good for our Canadian thanksgiving meal...



home grown yumminess


More hiking pictures... we were pushing over dead trees.. so i showed off and knocked over this huge tree... :)



well maybe not but it made a fun picture! There is a funny video of me trying to push over a tree and needing matt's help... but maria has that in her camera!

And of course.. love my man!


and who could ask for a better friend!

weekend with the Kults

A few pictures from a weekend with the Kults!