Joshua

He is 7 now... His birthday was last week, but we celebrated it today.



A lot of people say that they feel like time has flown by with their kids growing up. We've had a lot of rough times mixed with times of uncertainty through the years. We have had times where i wanted to have time go faster, because a certain stage was wearing me to the bone. Don't get me wrong, i adore and love my children, BUT there were a few years in there that felt endless. I guess you could say that I am not on the sentimental side of feeling like i wish i could go back.. because i really don't. I love where we are now, and i enjoy life with my children. Sometimes i miss snuggling them as a babies... but most of the time, i LOVE communicating with them. I would not go back at all because right now I enjoy watching Joshua grow and learn and become more then was expected of him. I have paved this path to where we are and i DO NOT want to pave it again!




Happy birthday son! You have been my joy, my patience maker, and an arrow pointing straight to the Love of God. May He give you many more years teaching others as you have taught me.

I'm still here friends. I've such been having an off few weeks. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this before but I have struggled with fibromyalgia on and off through the years as well as endometriosis. The fibromyalgia has not flared up this bad for a while... I think it may be due to the fact that I went off of gluten for almost a year and a half and then decided to see how I felt going back on. After a month of gluten and now feeling the way that I do, I know that it contributes to feeling terrible. There is probably a number of other factors added in there, but I think that is a big part of my health as a whole right now. I know also with the extra stress that has been happening with having my little sister and her new son living in town, i'm struggling with low adrenal function. Hopefully I'll come down from this episode soon. I always feel so bad for my family but it's good for me to learn to let my family take care of me. I have a better grasp on how to prevent episodes of fibro, and I have a better grasp on what i need to do on the days where I am really hurting. But i still struggle with taking the time that I need in order to function to my full potential. But when i take the time, everybody is happier.

I was thinking about Daniel, and about his speech disability, and the conversation that i had with our dentist and his wife about their Apraixic son. The wife (Hazar) was commenting about all of the speech therapy appointments and how hard it is to find someone who specializes in that certain disability. They fortunately found one, but they have to do so much driving because the therapist is located an hour from our city. It got me to thinking. I really hate, i mean HATE driving all over the place to different appointments. It drains me out, and not to mention it irritates my circulation and blood clotting issues. The thought of driving down to Portland 3 times a week for an hour at a time for therapy physically makes me want to throw up. seriously. I've been reading this book on apraxia.. and it's wonderful and very informative. It is called " Becoming verbal with childhood apraxia". It is written by a speech therapist who is an expert in her field. Whenever she talks about her patients she always talks about how she works with the patients for only a few weeks and then teaches the parents how to work with their child and then she MOVES ON. She leaves the tools needed to help the children with the parents. I like her. I do think that it is important for families.. especially those families who have two full time working parents and children have to be in a public or private school setting.. to have a speech therapist and get regular therapy. BUT in our case i am really thinking about this whole therapy thing. I am no speech therapist... well at least i am not considered or qualified to be a speech therapist, but i have read read so many texts on speech therapy and different techniques i feel like my eyes are going to bleed. So i looked into the woman who wrote this amazing book i am reading and i discovered that she does workshops on apraxia and techniques to teach those who have it. I also discovered that she has an audio series on apraxia and even online courses. So the wheels in my head started turning. As most of you know I am for homeschool, and i get much disaprovement on homeschooling my children esspecailyl because they are special needs. (Not from friends who know me, but from strangers who hear of our unique family). If i am to be the one that is around my child all the time, knows him best, why don't i educate myself on therapies and techniques on apraxia. All the speech therapist would do anyway would be spending about 4 sessions getting to know Daniel and getting comfortable and hope that we catch him on a good day to work with him and then the speech therapist would then turn around and teach me how to work with him because Matt and I are 90 percent of his therapy time. Okay sorry if this is a big jumble. What i am getting at is that i made a command descion to educate myself on apraxia. I ordered the 5 hour seminar and materials and I am going to be teaching myself to be a speech therapist to my child. Yes i realize that I am probably going to get a lot of people telling me that I am not a speech therapist, and that he NEEDS to go see a professional, and he is going to have issues because of it. I'm willing to take that risk. I'm willing to stand up to the opposition. Because I KNOW, that i can do it. And I KNOW my son, and I AM DETERMINED. To some studying and learning how to work with such speech disorder may seem harder then to just drive to a specialist.. but to me, the learning and doing it myself seems easier. Now of course I am still planning on staying in touch with Daniel's current speech therapist so that i have a "professional" to bounce ideas and questions off of, but I feel this is a right step. With the change in our family schedule I actually have time to myself in the evenings to study and to plan out well.
Can i just tell you that I AM EXCITED! I am excited about learning more about my sons unique disability and learning about how I can help him communicate with the world. he is such a precious little boy and I want the very best for him.

as always please excuse the terrible punctuation and spelling errors that my spell check does not check or change. I'm not really in the mood for grammer checking tonight! I jest wanted to get my thoughts out!

A friend of mine shared this picture and i had to pass it on.

Hope found in a dentist office

Daniel has been complaining about his teeth lately. So i bit the bullet and scheduled a dentist appointment for him. All three of my children have yet to have seen a dentist. Yes, terrible i know, but i am good about making sure they brush their teeth and all that entails. I couldn't put it off any longer with how much Daniel was complaining. There is a dentist office in town called Happy Kids Dentistry. I thought they probably would be the most equip to handle Daniel as they do mention that they work with special needs. I was very impressed when i made the appointment and had little trepidation bringing him in. In the waiting area they had video games, movies going, books, and toys gallor. He was a little hesitant but all in all he did okay. When it was time to go back, the atmosphere was very open and friendly.
I wish i could get my teeth cleaned there!
They had a big flat screen with mickey mouse play house on. Daniel was mainly just concerned with all the strange instruments and chairs. The dentist came in and was very friendly. Before the visit i had told them about Daniel's disability of apraxia. He talked to Daniel and said hello, and then he asked me about the apraxia and proceeded to tell me that his 9 year old son has the same disorder! NO JOKE.. seriously.. this dentist has a son with the same disorder as Daniel. His son actually has the most severe form of apraxia. We chatted a bit, Daniel's teeth looked great, and over all it was not very traumatic for Daniel at all. When it was time to go the dentist told me that i needed to stop in and talk with his wife (who is the office manager).
We instantly connected. There is a bond between special needs parents that is forged almost instantly upon meeting. It's like a weary sighed "hello fellow traveler on this road of unexpectedness". And in our case, with a disorder that is not widely known, it was even more connecting.
I spent about a half an hour talking to his wife (who's name is Hazar) about apraxia, our children, resources in the area, speech therapy, and communication devices. We exchanged information and i left the office encourage, empowered and full of HOPE.

Who knew a trip to the dentist office could provide such inspiration and encouragement.

On loving and other things

I'm not sure if it's just me, but i think it is easier to love (and when i say love, i mean sacrifice and serve another person) a complete stranger then to love a family member (certian family members). It's easier to give money and help a complete stranger (well at least for me anyway) then to help your brother or sister who is in a tough finacial spot, or who is need in of grace and a friend.
I think it's because with family we feel obligated to help them, but with strangers we are making the choice to love and help. And in making the choice it empowers us... but with family the feelings of the obligation are more of a burden. Maybe it's because we've been wounded by family, and we fear being wounded again, so a total stranger seems like a safer bet. Maybe we have more hope for someone else...
I struggle with these emotions. Feeling like maybe my time and impact can make a BIGGER difference then where it is currently being used, with someone else who may apperciate it more. I like to feel useful and when i just feel like i am being used and not useful i start to get resentful.
Just something i am struggling with right now considering my current situation with caring for a certian family.
Also in dealing with a situation where a person has mental health issues, how do you gracefull help that person understand that they do not function on a level that is considered normal and does need day to day help doing tasks that typical people can handle with ease? I'm not sure how to gracefully go about this subject... And I know that i brought up a situation that upset said person, but it was brought up as an example of how functioning within relationships is a struggle and help is needed.
I have a desire of always wanting people to feel safe and loved, but at the same time i have a desire to see people recognize their weakness and grow and learn how to function within them.
It's about finding that balance and I'm just not sure of it right now... again with the desire to have people comfortable but also the desire for growth. hmmmm
Anyway.. sorry if that is jumbled.. i just had to put some words out into the void to help me process and depeel...

Colossians 3:12-15
New International Version (NIV)

 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Alright I would love it if you'all would watch this and tell me what you think. It's 4 minutes long... but i think it's worth the watch.

What do you think?

changes

There are some family changes in our new future coming up. With the addition of helping out my younger sister with her new life change of raising a baby boy, Matt's work schedule will be changing. His job was a typical monday-friday 9-5pm job. Though it has been a blessing in providing for all of our needs, it is definitely not where he wanted to be the rest of his life. So there has been some changes in positions and he will now be working a schedule of 4pm-5am (most of that time will be spent at home on call taking calls from drivers as he works for an oil company) and it will rotate to 4 days on and 4 days off. This will actually free up MUCH time for our family and Matt can be home during the day to just be with us. He has covered for this position before when the person who currently works it is on vacation and it has worked out well for us. It is an exciting change for us, but our family is going to have to change it's flow! We are use to him being around nights so it's going to be an adjustment for me to be the one doing all of their nighttime bedtime stuff. For instance, tonight Matt is working and Joshua was upset that Daddy wasn't home to sing and pray with him. So we called him up and put him on speaker phone to have him sing for us. Daniel was most excited of all and said "dada dada" and started to sing Jesus loves me along with Matt!!!! SO EXCITING!!! It's always so exciting when Daniel engages in vocalizing!!!!
Anyway... sorry side track there. We are excited as these are good changes that will still provide financially for all of our needs, but free up time for Matt to spend with us and on his business and coming that much closer to self employment. Good changes coming!!! And it makes my heart happy and oh so thankful!
:)

I may or may not ruffel some feathers with this as i usually don't post political opinions... but a friend shared this with me, I cannot attest to the story being true, but it provides a good example...


An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little..
The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.
Remember, there IS a test coming up. The 2012 elections.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

She is moved out!

I know that she will still very much take up time and have needs...

But I have my house back...

And It feels wonderful....

Now I can hopefully catch a little time to recover from this cold that has crept up into my system.

Thankfullness

Tonight I am thankful for:

a mother that prays for me still

a husband who knows how to love me and care for me, who has walked with me through these difficult times and has embraced me and drawn me closer through it all.

children who forgive and love and give grace much more then i deserve from them despite the way they are being treated by me at times.

GRACE

My wonderful in laws who saw my oldest sons need to have a break and some good grandma and grandpa time.

Daniel's teachers at his special needs school. They are so kind and wonderful and helpful and a great community of educators to work with.

And lastly I am thankful tonight for a friend who took courage and shared words with me that i needed to hear... such good words i just wanted to share them with you...


I think we are all deserving because he thought we were worthy to be. Thinking of not being deserving is letting sin be the final say. While sin is wrong and in need of justice it should not be what finds us worthy. And He found us both worthy and deserving enough to recieve mercy. Because:
de·serv·ing/dəˈzərviNG/
Adjective:
Worthy of being treated in a particular way, typically of being given assistance.
Synonyms:
meritorious - worth

If we were made in HIS image I think we are worth being treated in HIS IMAGE. Worth thinking ourselves partially beautiful...not there yet, Not perfect, But still a beautiful mirror that HE created Humanly.

I feel that Christians use underserving so much. I guess I feel it's used wrong and a disservice to the way we were created. I know there is the acknowledgement of sin, justice and choice but we get so much more done when we believe we are worthy. When we believe we are worthy we change, we accept the redemption and we realize with humbleness that we also need to grow in grace.

Anyway, Just a few thoughts. You may struggle but we all do. We were not made angels for some reason. We were made human. It's not an excuse. It's a privilege. Sacred and holy. You have the choice to change, the forgiveness when you mess up and the empowerment of love behind you. When you accept that I just know you will do your best. It may not always be perfect - but when you accept God's grace, give yourself grace then you will also give that to others...even in your flaws...I think what you are doing is beautiful. I do not think it's selfish to have a tough time with change. That's human. Selfishness would require you to completely turn your back with malicious intent.

Thank you again K...

I like the post that this lovely lady did on answering 10 questions about 2011, that she got from this lovely lady.

1.What is one truth you learned?

Never say never...

2. What is something you did that you are particularly proud of?
stepping up and really advocating for my kids needs as well as taking the plunge into homeschooling Joshua against "specialist" judgements and suggestions.

3. What was the hardest thing you had to do?
There were a lot of hard things but the hardest i think was saying goodbye for now to the man who was my father for 20+ years...

4. What is something you changed to improve the way you lived?
Let go of the little things. I know that's a broad statement... and can mean much, but just letting go of things that just don't matter in the scheme of life has VERY MUCH improved the way i live.

5. What was your favourite Arts and Culture discovery ( a Book or song)? Becoming verbal with childhood apraxia. And any information regarding Childhood apraxia of speech. It is a very fascinating disability and I'm excited to help Daniel navigate through it.

6. What was something new you tried?
Llama sheering... and it wasn't as bad as i thought, but very hairy... As well as butchers all sorts of animals... and eating them.

7. What experience did you appreciate the most?
Oh my goodness there is just to many big ones this past year. First i think being able to watch the birth of my nephew. Amazing... won't forget it. Second, though this doesn't sound like something that one would appreciate, is being there when my dad passed from this earth into the glorious presence of the Lord... having my brother sister and mom there was such just an amazing experience.


8. What did God surprise you with?
AHAhahahahahAHAhaaaaa. ahh haa hhaaa haa. Really... seriously so many events... getting a diagnosis that makes sense for Daniel when we thought we just would never have an answer, Having my parents come out and visit the beginning of the year, being able to go to Minnesota 3 times this year, losing my dad, Having 2 great friends come and visit at a time much needed for fellowship, and last of all that he surprised me with... the beginning on this year i wasn't even talking to my little sister who was in Minnesota. She is for the time being living under our roof in Washington, raising her new little boy and basically I am her only friend right now. Just the events that surround that whole situation are God ordained.. they really are, And i am using every ounce of grace God gives me to love her like Jesus would.

9. What was something that inspired you?
my mom and how fiercely she clings to the Lord, as well as my older sister who is going through an unimaginable time right now, but she is pressing through and finding hope and inspiration in God. :) And that has been my biggest prayer of over the years is that my siblings would find that same hope in God that i have found.

10.If there is one word to describe 2011 what would it be?
OVER