transformed

A friend sent this quote to me as an encouragement. I had never heard the quote before. So here you go, it is by c.s. lewis and it is called "Transformed"

 

"Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes in to rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing.  He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.  But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage; but He is building a palace.  He intends to come and live in it Himself".

 

 

A day for the beach..

I HATE the sand... but I love the water. This makes for an interesting combination when it comes to going to the beach. Today in our part of the pacific northwest we had a BEAUTIFUL day of 90 degree sunny weather. A friend and I packed up the kids and took the hour drive to the coast to play in the water.

Here is our day...

 On the way...

 

we made it!

 

playing at an old shipwreck...click here if you are interested in reading about it

 

Joshua loving the water

 

Elijah preferred the sand

 

Daniel had the best time in the water, though I stayed close to him because I was worried about him being swept away because he has no sense of caution when it comes to water!

running from the waves

 



 

A huge wave came up and totally splashed Daniel and I..... I had no pockets so I was carrying my ipod in my brazier and the water splashed up and got it totally soaked so I was saying "OH NO" and my friend totally captured my expression!

 

 

and they slept most of the way home!

 

like I said.. I love the water, hate the sand. I'm going to go shower now because I can feel the little grains EVERYWHERE!

looking back

OKay, okay.. I know I've been gone for a while. I've been thinking about this space again and writing. SO this is for you.. especially Kmarie, because I know you are my main blogger/ reader friend and I know you miss when people drop off the radar!



I was reading through some old posts and I happened upon this one which was written a little over a year ago... http://mylittlewarriors.blogspot.com/2013/01/missing-beauty-and-dear-daniel.html .. go read it and then come back here.

Daniel now drinks out of a cup great. Honestly, It took A LOT of time, and A LOT of patience, but he does it. And I love that I have my thoughts and feeling written down at that time about how I was feeling and what was going on... I love that I can look back and reflect and see how things have changed... and I think it's time to return to this space so that next year, I can look back and say "AHA... LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME"..

this is good for me...

So hello again blog world, and blog friends near and far. welcome back to reading my unending run on sentences, terrible grammar, scattered thoughts, and my families strange, sometimes exciting, sometimes boring happenings.

the greatest is love.....

 

when i think i am not doing enough...

Warning.. this will be a jumbled mess ... but I have a request that is important to me if you stick with it.

Sometimes I think I am not doing enough. Sometimes I think I am doing to much. Then I start writing a blog post about how it is harder to be a parent with special needs kids then a parent with "normal" kids. And then I start to get angry, or sound mean towards others, or sound bitter about my situation. And I just want people to understand. And sometimes I just want them to not say things like " I don't know how you do it", or " I'm sorry" or " will he be able to live on his own when he gets older?".. I know most all of those comments are innocent and meant with good intentions and curiosity. Sometimes i would rather not listen to advice from friends who have NO idea my day in day out struggles... yes they hear about them but they do not fully understand. (I have been blessed  with a friend who does not have kiddos yet who really listens, understands and offers wonderful support and advice.. as well as a few friends who know the path i walk because they walk it as well) Sometimes I just want acknowledgment on how hard it is. And then I read the post I write and then I delete it all because I really do love my children and my life and I don't want it to sound like I don't.

Sometimes I dream... I want to be an encouragement. I want to be a light for the special needs community... I don't want to be a voice of negativity. I have learned so much, I still have so much to learn. Sometimes I offend people and sometime I am offended. My life is different, my path has been walked by many, my life is exceptional, my life is ordinary.

 And I read... oh how I read.. I read about therapies, I study, and I wonder... what IF.. WHAT IF I DID....

and then I think I am not doing enough.

Because doing everything isn't enough. But it is... but it isn't, or so I've read. Because there is always something MORE.

But maybe I just need to do less. But what would people think of me? And I guess I am busy. I don't feel busy.. but I am.

And this season will pass.. just as the last season did. And I will feel confident again, and I will feel like things are awesome, and I will forget about the differences in my children that I face each day because they are normal to me.. and they are normal to them.

But I know every once in a while i'll forget again and want to write a blog post about how hard life is and i'll want some support and encouragement again.

Can you, my meager amount of readers do me a favor? I'm asking for some encouragement... not " God doesn't give you more then you can handle" encouragement... just encouragement about how awesome my kids are and an acknowledgement of how hard I am working with them to make their lives beautiful for THEM, and how hard they are working. Does that sound self centered or pushy or needy? Well sorry if you think so, but honestly.. if you know me, and my heart and my day in day out life.. you know it's truth (about how awesome they are and how hard we are all working to make a beautiful life)... I don't ask for much.. but when I ask, please know that I really mean it, because truthfully I could use some encouraging words right now.

more on 10 years...

I have a few more things to add to my previous post...

I've gotten a lot of questions about how we celebrated our anniversary and when I tell people they gasp and cannot believe that we didn't do something " romantic". Ohhh romance. Romance is defined as this....

A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

OR

A quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.

What did we do?  We went elk hunting in the snow (a few weeks ago while it was hunting season and Matt's parents had the kids for the night) , Matt borrowed a projector from the library so that I could play my favorite video game (which he also got for our anniversary)  and we also watched Hogan's Heros and enjoyed life with our children. You see... Marriage isn't about candle lit dinners, excitement and romantic dates all the time... granted those things are wonderful and should be done and felt, BUT marriage is about the everyday things... it's about companionship, it's about doing what you love with the one you love, OR doing what they love because YOU love them. It's about sacrifice and commitment. It's about life everyday together. That is where the beauty and love is.... everyday life! It's not about how "romantic" one can be, it's about how you can love and serve each other. So I can't think of a better way to celebrate 10 years of love and commitment then by doing what we consider to be special for each other.

Okay so the few extra points that I wanted to add to my last post.
First.. You know that whole saying "don't go to bed angry"? Well I think that is the WORST marriage advice I have ever heard. Yep that's right, I said it. I imagine this is how a lot of divorces start.. people thinking that they can't be angry with each other when they go to bed. Trust me on this one.. NOTHING will get resolved when sleep deprivation is in the way, on the contrary, it will exasperate issues and things will be said and done that otherwise would not if exhaustion wasn't added into the mix. I've been there.. all crazy and upset and wanting things to be resolved and for Matt to see things my way. It's 1am, he's tired and drained from all the emotions, I'm tired and drained from everything and nothing is making sense anymore and it's a big long rabbit trail and downward spiral of how terrible EVERYTHING is. Oh man, I am just exhausted thinking back on those days where I thought that it would be terrible if we went to sleep without resolving things. I've discovered that instead of trying to stay up and resolve the "issue".. mutually deciding to talk about it in the morning or later in the day after you have gotten sleep and have been able to think and process through emotions is a MUCH better way to go about communication, might I add, WAY LESS DRAMATIC.

Second, I am going to get a little personal here.. it's about sex. This is one of the things that totally irks me about some relationships. The whole mindset of  " You didn't do what I wanted or I don't like the way you talked to me today so you are SO NOT getting any action tonight." I'll admit.. I have thought that before (especially in the beginning of my marriage when I was just a young woman and thought that was acceptable). You may disagree with me on this point and that's fine.. the beauty of differences.. BUT .. DO NOT USE SEX and PHYSICAL INTAMCY AS A WEAPON. If you use that special sacred bond as a weapon against your spouse then it is going to drive a HUGE wedge in your marriage.. and it will just keep widening.

So there you have it, the last of my advice from 10 years of marriage. Everybody has different marriages and relationship, so different things work for different couples. What about you? What have you learned in your marriage to keep it alive and together?

 

What love looks like, 10 years later.

 

I've been thinking about this post for a while. Matt and I have been married for 10 years now. We are still newly married in my mind, but it seems now in this day in age 10 years seems like such a huge accomplishment because couples are not lasting very long. When Matt and I first got married we were bright eyed with the newness... but we were pretty grounded in knowing what we were getting into. There were some surprises but for the most part I feel like we've done well even though life has thrown us some pretty crazy hard things. We've come through those things strong, united, changed, and beautiful. So how have we gotten through 10 years together and still like being together (imagine that!)... ????

Here are a few things that we've learned over the years of marriage that I wanted to share with you. Some are my own suggestions but I actually read this GREAT article by a guy who was divorced and some of these suggestions are based off of the things he said he would do differently with his wife. Great wise words, I have included my own edits on what I have felt spoke to my marriage and life over the past 10 years. At the end of this post I will put a link to article.

My marriage advice from a perspective of 10 years....

I know that every marriage is different, but there are some general rules I feel that really help a marriage to thrive.

Make God the center. In my marriage to Matt... it is God who holds us together...  It's a strand of 3.. it's not about me, it's not about Matt.. it's about us together serving God.

  Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take your spouse for granted. Guys, When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

 Protect your heart for your spouse.  Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your spouse. Keep that space always ready to receive them and invite them in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. If you don’t take care of eachother's heart, they may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win eachothers love just as you did when you were dating.

 Always work on seeing the best in each other.  What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. Choosing to focus on the things you love will help you keep an attitude of love towards your spouse.

 Love is a choice, not an emotion... your job is to love eachother as is with no expectation of them ever changing. And if they change, love what they become, whether it’s what you wanted or not. If you are lucky enough you will find someone who will do the same thing.

Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy. Seriously.. if you think that it is your spouses job to always fill you up and make you happy then you will be let down very fast. Only God can fulfill you, and you are the only one who can control your emotions and your reactions. Never blame your spouse if you get frustrated or angry at them, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within, pray and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.

Allow your spouse to just be. When they are sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD THEM and let them know it’s ok. guys, let your woman know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion. Ladies, guys need space to think and to process.. well at least my guy does. He needs to know he is loved, BUT he also needs space to collect his thoughts and to understand and process.

Be silly… don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh. And make eachother laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier. Also... You will both make mistakes. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

Learn each others love languages and the specific ways that they feels important and validated and CHERISHED. A way to do this is to ask your spouse to create a list of 10 THINGS that make them feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to do at least one of those things..

Be present. Give eachother not only your time, but your focus, and your attention.


Give eachother space… , ESPECIALLY after you have kids. You both need that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find yourself after you get lost in serving eachother, the kids and the world.

Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let eachother in when you don’t know if your spouse will like what they find… Part of that courage is allowing your spouse to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around eachother, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either of you have made, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

And lastly but most of all.... Always choose to love. In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work and a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

I hope that in 10 years from now, we grow even more. :)

 

 

link to the article