more on 10 years...

I have a few more things to add to my previous post...

I've gotten a lot of questions about how we celebrated our anniversary and when I tell people they gasp and cannot believe that we didn't do something " romantic". Ohhh romance. Romance is defined as this....

A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.

OR

A quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.

What did we do?  We went elk hunting in the snow (a few weeks ago while it was hunting season and Matt's parents had the kids for the night) , Matt borrowed a projector from the library so that I could play my favorite video game (which he also got for our anniversary)  and we also watched Hogan's Heros and enjoyed life with our children. You see... Marriage isn't about candle lit dinners, excitement and romantic dates all the time... granted those things are wonderful and should be done and felt, BUT marriage is about the everyday things... it's about companionship, it's about doing what you love with the one you love, OR doing what they love because YOU love them. It's about sacrifice and commitment. It's about life everyday together. That is where the beauty and love is.... everyday life! It's not about how "romantic" one can be, it's about how you can love and serve each other. So I can't think of a better way to celebrate 10 years of love and commitment then by doing what we consider to be special for each other.

Okay so the few extra points that I wanted to add to my last post.
First.. You know that whole saying "don't go to bed angry"? Well I think that is the WORST marriage advice I have ever heard. Yep that's right, I said it. I imagine this is how a lot of divorces start.. people thinking that they can't be angry with each other when they go to bed. Trust me on this one.. NOTHING will get resolved when sleep deprivation is in the way, on the contrary, it will exasperate issues and things will be said and done that otherwise would not if exhaustion wasn't added into the mix. I've been there.. all crazy and upset and wanting things to be resolved and for Matt to see things my way. It's 1am, he's tired and drained from all the emotions, I'm tired and drained from everything and nothing is making sense anymore and it's a big long rabbit trail and downward spiral of how terrible EVERYTHING is. Oh man, I am just exhausted thinking back on those days where I thought that it would be terrible if we went to sleep without resolving things. I've discovered that instead of trying to stay up and resolve the "issue".. mutually deciding to talk about it in the morning or later in the day after you have gotten sleep and have been able to think and process through emotions is a MUCH better way to go about communication, might I add, WAY LESS DRAMATIC.

Second, I am going to get a little personal here.. it's about sex. This is one of the things that totally irks me about some relationships. The whole mindset of  " You didn't do what I wanted or I don't like the way you talked to me today so you are SO NOT getting any action tonight." I'll admit.. I have thought that before (especially in the beginning of my marriage when I was just a young woman and thought that was acceptable). You may disagree with me on this point and that's fine.. the beauty of differences.. BUT .. DO NOT USE SEX and PHYSICAL INTAMCY AS A WEAPON. If you use that special sacred bond as a weapon against your spouse then it is going to drive a HUGE wedge in your marriage.. and it will just keep widening.

So there you have it, the last of my advice from 10 years of marriage. Everybody has different marriages and relationship, so different things work for different couples. What about you? What have you learned in your marriage to keep it alive and together?