I will not give up hope. I will not give in. I will strive each and ever day to give the most i can give and be the best i can be. I will allow the love of Christ to flow through me to all i meet. I will give up my needs, wants and desires to serve my family. I will choose joy, i will choose not to be negative. I will choose to see the blessings. I will play with my children. I will love them no matter what they may say or do. I will walk through the valley of "special needs" and come through stronger. I will walk through the pain in order to receive the blessing of the Lord. I will see the best in my boys. I will speak lovingly. I will not let go. I will choose to raise my boys with the fear of the Lord and teach them that God has great plans for them. I will pray for wisdom. I will strive to be the wife and helper my husband needs and desires. I will go through many hard and dark times, but i will come out stronger and more beautiful with the loving hand of my lord leading me all the way.
I feel like the world teaches us to focus on the negative. For so long I've had a mindset of focusing on the negative. I would cry over the things i didn't have... verbal children, family to help when i needed it the most.. things like that. Those are some of the less frivolous things but the point is that i was focusing on what i didn't have and all of the "problems" that i had/have. I was looking past all of the beautiful blessings in my life. Especially our journey with Joshua. The hardest journey i have ever had to walk. I never wanted or expected to have a special needs child... let alone possibly two. But God has taught me so much more about His character though having a "special needs" child. Only the Lord knows how many times i have cried, and he knows my feelings very well.. the sadness, the anger and the frustration. But along with all of those things he has given me joy.. oh so much joy and a greater understanding of His love.

Okay.. there's some depth that has flowed out of my heart to share. Sorry if it doesn't flow well... i always desired to be a writer, but i don't think i am gifted in it ! :)
Maybe more will come later...