I wouldn't say that i had a crisis in the past few months, but i would say that these past few months have been darker and full of sorrow. With the death of Marty (my step dad for those of you who may be new or happen to stumble here) I think it brought out the little girl in me. A few know the full story of the life that has shaped me into the woman i am today, but some only know fragments. You see, God used Marty to redeem our family. We were in a desperate place, but God gave Marty love for my mother and for us, and he gave us stability. He showed me what a father was. I remember being in kindergarten going over to a friends house and i thought it was so strange that her dad lived with them and she knew her dad well. I just thought it was normal for a dad not to be around.
So with Marty's passing, though i am a grown woman by the world's standards, the little girl's heart in me broke. And i know that he didn't abandon me, and I know that he loved me like i was his own flesh and blood... but the little girl in me felt left behind. And sometimes i cry because the stability is gone, and i cry for my mom because the man who God put in her life as a tangible form of grace and love has passed on, and i cry for my boys, that such a great man will only be a distant memory, and i cry for my husband because Marty was an encouragement and a man that my husband respected and admired, and now he won't be able to gleam wisdom and advice anymore from him.
I was blessed to be raised by such a man, and I am blessed to have married a man who in many ways is just like Marty. And i know the little girl in me will have her wounds healed over once again and the scares left will make me more of who I am and add to the beauty.. but in the meantime, in the healing time...

i cry for the loss and though i wonder what the future holds... i find comfort in knowing the one who holds my future, and knowing how much He loves me