Friendship

My husband tells me that I needed to go to public school longer so I could learn how to have shallow relationships! Ha! I am not one to keep friends around me who do not know me. Of course I do not spill my guts out at first meeting of someone... But if there is a felt connection then I step deeper into the pools of sisterhood. I'm not a band aid friend. Those who are close to me know that I'm more of a open the wound, clean it out, and slather healing balm over it friend. Sometimes I share to much... Sometimes I'm a little to blunt... But I'm happy in my friendships... I'm happy that I can feel known... And that I don't have to put on a brave face when I'm lacking courage. I share the truth... And I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes people don't understand me... Or my honesty throws them off and they don't know what to think or feel about me. But this is who I am, and I prefer a life of depth over shallow interacts of " how are you?" and fake smiles and empty answers.
And while I am at it, I hate when people run into me who know me and ask how I am. The other day I ran into our old pastors wife and she asked me how I was, I sighed deeply and said in a sad tone that I was ok. Do you know what she said to me? She said " oh that's great" in a cheerful voice. I was just like Oh My Goodness Lady... Did you hear what I just said? One of these days I am going to take my filter completely off and just bare my soul to the person who asks. " how are you?". I'm going to say " actually life is pretty crappy right now and I feel like running away from it all" ... I wonder what the person would do. When i ask someone how they are, I really want to know how they are! Not just the standard lie of "I'm good" ... Because how often are we all really doing " good"?
Anyway.. Sorry I ranted there, but I just have been thinking about friendships lately and what I desire out of interactions... Truth, compassion, respect, and love. Not shallow lies and fake smiles. I don't have time for people like that... So if you are my friend, then expect the whole me! And expect an ear that actually wants to hear you...

p.s. I really do not feel like running away from my life at this moment in time.... :)