Follow up...

It's hard for me not to delete my last post as i feel extremely exposed, but I'm going to keep it up. Though i am through the dark days and now i feel like my days are filled with hope and light, it's still important to share the hard times. When i re-read over the last post the story of Eustace and the dragon in the voyage of the dawn treader came to mind. Briefly I'll explain if you have never read the story. Eustace was a selfish little boy and because of it he became a dragon. After some time and his heart being changed, he so very much wanted to be a boy again and felt sorry for all he had done. But with all that he tried to scratch off his dragon skin, he could not even peel a layer. It wasn't until Aslan came along and peeled off the skin for him, that Eustace became a boy again. And though during the peeling of the skin it did hurt, it was a good pain that was restoring him. I feel like Eustace, a selfish person, only caring about my own needs and desires and through that i was turned into a dragon. The Lord reached out and saw my broken and longing heart and started peeling away the layers. I LOVE my children deeply, they are such a source of joy. Even through the hardest times i could not give them up even for a second, but I am a selfish woman who had expectations dashed to the ground and i felt like i was turned into a dragon with no hopes of becoming a human again. But the Lord has been ever so gracious and loving and he has started to peel away dragon and restore me. So i will press on, for my Jesus, and continue to love and serve these precious little warriors he has given me. And though the world may see them in a certain light, I know that God has BIG plans for my little boys and that i need to continue to view my boys through the eyes of Christ. In Him i have more then enough strength to get through the day and be all that my boys need me to be.