I don't like to go into to much depth in public about personal issues. There are a few reasons why but this certain subject is one that i am passionate about...DEEPLY ...deeply passionate about.
Abortion
The past few years i have had the opportunity to really live out what i believe. And even though it would be much easier to take a backseat and just be another voice with an opinion and no action... i choose to take action.
Okay sorry that is kinda vague but I'll get to the point.
I have helped my younger sister though having a baby (from being there for the actual labor, to teaching her how to change diapers and eat well and what do with a baby). We have helped her get on her feet, get an apartment and a job and even a car, and now we are basically raising her son full time. It hasn't been easy.. and there have been times where i just want to quit, tell her to find someone else to take care of her son, find someone else to care and go back to my life before this. We've had to learn how to set strong boundaries and to stick to those. (Some of you know the full weight of the situation and the different circumstances around it) Sometimes we are good and sometimes we crack. Just when i was feeling confident that things where on a good path... just when i felt confident of a direction that things were going well, a curve ball was thrown at me. I guess i wasn't surprised.. but i was.
She walked in to drop off her son. She casually mentions how she decided that she is going to quit smoking. I knew right then and there that she was pregnant. " You're pregnant aren't you?" i say to her. " She does her typical response "welll" whenever i am right about something. And i'm not surprised ... but i am. She is pretty sure it's the current boyfriend's ( that she had only been with for 2 weeks) but it may be the guy she was living with from last month. And i sigh again. stunned... wondering if i have made it too easy on her... wondering if there was something different i could have done to prevent this. Nope.. i'm pretty sue it probably would have still happened.,, she thinks she makes cute babies. Because that is a reason to bring a child into the world.
Boyfriend decided that he didn't want all the responsibility of taking on an already single mom and then another baby and he packed up his bags and left. I wasn't surprised when i got that call... they had been together for almost 1 month. Yes 1 month.
She told me that she is thinking that she is going to get an abortion. Boyfriend told her to get an abortion, Everyone is telling her to.. and she doesn't have the money to do it on her own and she doesn't think she can do it on her own. She would rather kill a baby then give it up.... because killing it would be easier then giving the child life and blessing another family.
And my heart just died. Last week she wanted this baby... and now she says it doesn't work for her so she is going to get an abortion... but maybe someday when it works for her again she will have another baby. And my mind is exploding with .. i can't even tell you what it is because it's just all sorts of craziness.
I explained to her that if she did go ahead with the abortion i really felt that she would regret it and that I knew it would deeply wound her for life. There are emotional and spiritual ties with aborting a baby that stick for life... that is not something you can just get rid of at an office visit. I told her there are plenty of people who would take her child and give him/her a great home... with lots of love.
And then God spoke to my heart... like he has been doing these past few months.... here is your opportunity. And i knew what he was talking about. If i am all about saving these innocent babies from being murdered for convince sake... if i am so called "pro-life", if i am all about love in action then i need to BE that. I need to be willing to take that child for the sake of saving it. Protecting the orphans.
I'm speaking for me... i'm speaking for my heart and what God has been doing to mold me more into the person i am. I like the person i am... i like my soft loving heart, and i am learning to use it in the ways that God intended it to be used. I am learning my boundaries and what i can and cannot do... so dear reader... please read this as a growth in my own life and not a attack on your own if you do not believe the same things that i do
So i told her we would take the baby if it was a matter between her aborting it and giving it up. I could not be okay with myself if i didn't do everything in my power to save a life.
As it stands she is still keeping the baby... but I don't know what people are telling her and what she is believing.. there is a big possibility that she is going to abort the baby... but at least i have tried everything in my power to be there,,, to give that child a chance at life.
You know.. i thought that the years when we were dealing with the beginning of the special needs and the very little years where the hardest.. i'm changing my mind. This past year has been a doosey. And I'm surprised at how well i have held it together really... well actually more thankful that God has held me together and kept me out of a mental facility! HA
I'm not going to go through the list of all the "terrible" things that have happened to me and how bad you should feel for me. I guess my point, though it's all over the place in the post... is that I'm living it out. I'm living this life that has been given to me out. I'm living my beliefs out. In loving others... in forgiveness, in grace, in times when i just don't want to, in times i want to give up, in times i am happy, in times that i love and want to last forever... I'm living it... and I'm grasping every opportunity that is given to me to do so. Some days i fail TERRIBLY.. and other days i feel like i come out ahead of the race. But overall i can feel my soul being shaped, and though i push against that change, i'm feeling it for the better.
I was talking to a friend about this topic and she was telling me that there needs to be less people standing out side of abortion clinics telling these woman they are murderers... There needs to be more standing outside of them asking them over for coffee and a chat and asking "how can we step up to help you choose life?" That was a nice thought... and i totally agree.. so friend if you are reading this I challenge you to do that sometime :) live it out!
And to my readers... if you have to opportunity to live out a belief, DO IT! If there is a situation that you are passionate about right in front of you, take action. Otherwise why do you hold the belief if you aren't willing to back it up when all is said and done?
a little less talk and a lot more action.... (as a country song that is taking it way out of context says... ) !
5 comments:
I hope that baby ends up being yours.
I love your heart. That's why you're my dear friend!!
Keep telling her you will adopt her baby. Tell her hundreds of times a day! Get the seed planted in her head!
I'll be praying for you!
Tricky subject. Tough decisions. I am glad you are not taking it lightly but with grave thought in all the implications in every scenario. I admire your thought process and strong belief. You have been through a lot this year! A lot!
What about her other son? Does she realize what that implicates and are you guys going to keep him?
Through all this, take lots of time for your family and your breaks so you can be that person you are.
I deeply admire your journey and all you have been through. And you are right...instead of rallies and protestors there need to be people willing to have the conversations and others willing to have the children into homes. SOmetimes though, we each have to assess the gifts and resources God has given. If I took another child into the home right now I would break and my children would too and I would ruin four lives to save one. HOWEVER, I am a person who can do the support and conversation and find someone else to take a child and that is my gifts to give. We sometimes can not be it all but we can be our best at what we believe we are called to do. If God spoke to your spirit to do this then you know what you can do...
I believe in both what you say and I also believe in abortion for some cases. Not most. But the murder homocide rate has gone down since abortions because the children who would have grown up abused and on the hunt for blood do not have the chance to be born and have awful lives. In SOME cases I believe it is better to allow them to be with Jesus instead of live out a life where the parent who is irresponsible and has pyche problems chooses to keep them. YET, sometimes this can be a blessing too. It's tricky. OR if the womans life is at serious risk. I also believe though, that women should be taught birth control properly and emotional stability and ways to have a relationship more than the talks that sex is wrong or abortion is wrong. First should come the support.
But in your sisters case she does not have the capacity to understand that I think and I can not imagine how tough that would be to try to get it through. You have been amazing with her and her family. Amazing. Is there someone else who can also step in to support you or her as well?
It's so circumstantial and you are doing so well at your circumstance. You really are. I believe in you and I stand by what you chose to believe and what you chose to do because I trust that you can here the loving voices in this situation. This is a passionate post of belief and it is so loving. I respect and admire that. You are living out your beliefs very well. We each have different ones we need to live out. And yes, more of us women need to support the women who are being abused or forced into situations that they feel trapped in. We need to step up and support instead of protest. We need to love instead of judge. You are doing just that.
Sending serious prayers and wishes of clarity and peace...
Leanne - we need to get together soon for coffee! Thanks for the prayers, let's talk soon!
K- thank you for your encouragement, I agree with you on education of birth control and how to have a relationship ect. Being important more then focusing on the end result. It is a difficult situation with the mental health... But who promised us life would be full of easy choices and perfect people who always make wise decisions!?! I may not agree with you on the abortion standpoint and that there are cases where it should be accepted, but I respect your views and still very much value you! :)
I agree that not everyone can step up and take on more children because of the risk of hurting their own. I admire that you and your man went through the process of fostering and how you made the best choice for your family... You took action... You didn't just sit back and say that the orphans need to be taken care of.. You stepped up and went through that process and opened your hearts to that. That is taking action to me! :) I don't consider you to be e kind that just sits on the sidelines
yelling without action, I see action in you friend!
The people that bother me are the ones who stand outside the abortion buildings calling the woman all sorts of things and even going to the extreme of threatings/ killing the doctors who preform these abortions. Seriously... When has hate ever made a
the situation they need to walk a mile in these woman's shoes and offer solutions in love, no matter what the outcome. And solving murder with murder doesn't make sense even if you are supposedly saving more lives with that one murder... It just doesn't work for me.
As for the question of support, it is difficult to answer. I have family support around me to help support her, but on her end it seems she has more people adding to her determent then anything.. So it feels like this struggle a lot of the time because just when I feel like we have gained ground and some understanding, some person who has no idea of eher special needs comes in and gives her " advice" that actually is very damaging for her... So it's un unhill battle most of the time.
Anyway, my boys are asking me to please stop e- mails... So I better listen to them! :)
Thanks friend for the validation and lOving consideration in differing stances... I do feel the same about the hater protestors. Sigh. I also feel for your specific situation and pray you both get more loving and practical aid.
You are following love and even tho hard that path will bring peace and fulfillment in varied ways. Those children are blessed to have a caring you;)
Wonderful. You choosing to speak what God wanted you to speak, I mean.
I have more to say but I will write it to you privately.
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