This Christmas was different for me. My little sister has now been living with us for the past week. It is not a permanent situation, but she will be here another week. It is not easy for me to share my house. I mean i LOVE guests for a few days, but this is a little different as she is one of those high needs people. I think i have a touch of OCD as well... really seriously. I like things certain ways and i am use to my schedule, so with all this newness and getting my sister hooked into the community and the resources that she needs here, i'm getting all thrown off. And with any new mom the movement is a bit slower then i am use to. Add a new mom and then a baby and three little boys to the mix it is not easy to get things done. I just need to focus on the important things and to go with the flow right now. I am making sure that i get sleep at night so that's been good for my general mood, though i still feel like a little bit of a bear.
I was thinking about how much God loves us. To be brought down so low into infant status, to be born in a stable with animals and raised by a teenager in a scandalous situation in appearance sake. He went from glory to one of the lowliest states. So much suffering he went through for us.. and how did we repay him, we tacked our sins to him and nailed him on a cross. That's gratitude for you. I think that this holiday season has just been one that has been filled with so much faith stretching patience and obedience it has brought me closer to the heart of Christ and just how undeserving I really am of grace and mercy and how OH SO THANKFUL i am. I am so desperately in need of His mercy and grace in my life. I could not press on without the knowledge of how deeply he loves me and how so very much i do not deserve a single thing. Not one.
Anyway... please, if you think of me, continue to pray for strength, patience, and grace in this current season.
1 comment:
I think we are all deserving because he thought we were worthy to be. Thinking of not being deserving is letting sin be the final say. While sin is wrong and in need of justice it should not be what finds us worthy. And He found us both worthy and deserving enough to recieve mercy. Because:
de·serv·ing/dəˈzərviNG/
Adjective:
Worthy of being treated in a particular way, typically of being given assistance.
Synonyms:
meritorious - worth
If we were made in HIS image I think we are worth being treated in HIS IMAGE. Worth thinking ourselves partially beautiful...not there yet, Not perfect, But still a beautiful mirror that HE created Humanly.
I feel that Christians use underserving so much. I guess I feel it's used wrong and a disservice to the way we were created. I know there is the acknowledgement of sin, justice and choice but we get so much more done when we believe we are worthy. When we believe we are worthy we change, we accept the redemption and we realize with humbleness that we also need to grow in grace.
Anyway, Just a few thoughts. You may struggle but we all do. We were not made angels for some reason. We were made human. It's not an excuse. It's a privilege. Sacred and holy. You have the choice to change, the forgiveness when you mess up and the empowerment of love behind you. When you accept that I just know you will do your best. It may not always be perfect - but when you accept God's grace, give yourself grace then you will also give that to others...even in your flaws...I think what you are doing is beautiful. I do not think it's selfish to have a tough time with change. That's human. Selfishness would require you to completely turn your back with malicious intent.
For what it's worth I think you are doing great.
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