I was the most horrible cranky mother today. The boys pushed all of my buttons and every request was met with strong resistance. It might have to do with the fact that i'm tired, it might have to do with the fact that I am slightly worried about something that could potentially be a very serious and scary health issue (which i may talk about tomorrow.. not sure) . Maybe it's because I'm in a state of grieving for life lost and it's strange changes. But i don't want to just explain away my irritability towards my children, I need to treat them with more love and patience and I need to keep calm and self controlled. I was very far from self controlled.. but they are resilient and so forgiving. I pray that they only grow with that and it will strengthen through the years.
I appreciate their personalities.. they are just SO intense.. I mean REALLY intense. I was praying out loud to the Lord today and i was asking him " WHY GOD, Did you give me 3 boys?.. why not 3 girls or at least 1 girl?" And then i was quiet and i heard Joshua from his room say.. " we are 3 boys.. one, two , three." And i know that he heard me. I love them.. but boy oh boy... litterly... sigh. It was just one of those days... Maybe tomorrow will be better...