being okay

I think generally as woman we tend to question ourselves a lot. Well at least i know i do. Am i enough? I think we all have to go on a journey of being okay with what we are and what we are not. These are a few things that i have questioned myself on if I'm enough and things that I've learned to be okay with. Somethings little, some things random, and others more important.

-I am not a gifted writer by any means, and I'm just fine with that.

-I am a terrible gardener. I HATE weeding and i pretty much just pray that my garden grows despite them. Though i must admit i still try every year in hopes of better results.

-I cannot put makeup on at all so i just don't wear it. I use to think that it made me less of a woman because i was not so much into make up and i wasn't great at applying it... but now I'm come to understand that my self esteem is high enough that I feel comfortable and beautiful enough without it and it's OKAY not to wear it.

- I hate wearing pants! Now i know that this sounds silly but i seriously struggled with this for a while. I LOVE wearing dresses and skirts, but for the longest time i almost felt ashamed to wear them because i didn't want people to think i was legalistic. I think wearing jeans and pants are just fine for woman, I personally just hate the way they feel and would much rather be in a skirt or dress. Though for hiking and camping i wear pants. For some reason in the "christian circles" there is this stereo type that goes along with woman who always wear dresses and skirts and I just didn't want anybody to label me with that because i am not much of a legalistic person.

- Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. When I was in my late teens working at the daycare and running the church nursery as well as babysitting jobs i was calm patient and great at what i did. I thought for sure once i had kids i would be THE BEST mother. HA! Oh my young foolish mind. Life happened, my boys came and i discovered that i indeed was not the calm and patient person that i thought i was. I've had some serious moments of questioning of my sanity over the past 6+ years... being a parent is extremely difficult and there really is no way to prepare someone for that... I know God gave me my boys and that He has equip me to raise them, but i often ask the Lord if i really am well suited to care for them.

- I really am not a great cook. I use to be mortified when Matt would not like my meals... now, though sometimes i am a little hurt, i get over if much faster and try the best i can to produce something a little more palatable next time.

-Being okay and not beating myself up when my family isn't 100 percent okay. What i mean is that my husband and my boys cannot always be happy and there are going to be times that i will let them down, or something will be out of my control and it's OKAY. The world isn't over and I am a human being with many faults... But the beauty of it that God's grace covers me. That doesn't mean i use it as an excuse.. it just means that i push on through whatever it is and not take things so personally.(does this point make sense?)


anyway it's late... i know my thoughts are choppy, but i just felt like sharing. I should be getting to bed anyway!