After Joshua's unofficial diagnosis of Autism I was drained. Emotionally and physically drained from working with doctors and therapist, drained from bearing the loss of my dream for him, and drained from just him. Please don't get me wrong, i LOVE my son, but it is physically and emotionally draining to have a special needs child. So after going through emotional ups and downs with Joshua and hoping and praying Daniel would not end up the same as his brother, i felt defeated when Daniel too exhibited signs that something was not right. Again i fell into feeling emotionally drained. I was not emotionally stable enough to sit through doctors and therapist telling me how delayed my child was and what he couldn't do. So i just focused on loving him and taking a break from all that "therapy". Late last year i decided to jump in again to the doc. therapy world with Daniel shortly after he turned 4 and he still had no verbal words of communication. I endured testing with the local special needs school and I.E.P meetings. They told me that on a test they did on him a typical child scored anywhere from 4-10 points and he had scored -5. Yep... he scored in the negatives. He qualified nearly on all levels for help and they were ready to get him into the school for every therapy that was available. They commented on how much money they would get for him because he was so delayed. Deep breath... it's more painful in person.. trust me. So now it's 6 months later... Daniel's only word that he can verbalize is "No", so it sounds more like a 1 year old saying naaa for no. I'm ready... though i didn't want to go through official diagnosis with Joshua and put him through the hearing testing and all of that, I'm ready to do it with Daniel. Though there is a difference between Daniel and Joshua. Joshua improved within the few weeks when we started healing up his physical issues. Daniel is on a strict gluten and casein free diet just like his brother and he has only shown improvement in mood, not so much in the talking department. So i am ready to move on and even though i didn't feel like getting Joshua officially diagnosed was the right move for him (and i am still thankful that we didn't go that route with him), i am comfortable doing it with Daniel. The boy is so intelligent and gets so frustrated that he cannot communicate and i want to know EXACTLY why he can't. SO here we go... diving into the great big world of specialist and people telling me what my son is not and what he cannot do. I feel stronger this time... i feel ready... though i know that it will be the beginning of many tears and worries, i feel more at peace this time. It will all start in two weeks.
sigh... i can do it!
2 comments:
You can do it! I just pray you get some good therapists. So far I have had two sucky ones who made me almost quit- but the good ones have made my life SOOOOOO much better and my son is doing incredible! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I admire your courage to do what is beneficial for your son. You will do great!
Praying for you!
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