I will not give up hope. I will not give in. I will strive each and ever day to give the most i can give and be the best i can be. I will allow the love of Christ to flow through me to all i meet. I will give up my needs, wants and desires to serve my family. I will choose joy, i will choose not to be negative. I will choose to see the blessings. I will play with my children. I will love them no matter what they may say or do. I will walk through the valley of "special needs" and come through stronger. I will walk through the pain in order to receive the blessing of the Lord. I will see the best in my boys. I will speak lovingly. I will not let go. I will choose to raise my boys with the fear of the Lord and teach them that God has great plans for them. I will pray for wisdom. I will strive to be the wife and helper my husband needs and desires. I will go through many hard and dark times, but i will come out stronger and more beautiful with the loving hand of my lord leading me all the way.
I feel like the world teaches us to focus on the negative. For so long I've had a mindset of focusing on the negative. I would cry over the things i didn't have... verbal children, family to help when i needed it the most.. things like that. Those are some of the less frivolous things but the point is that i was focusing on what i didn't have and all of the "problems" that i had/have. I was looking past all of the beautiful blessings in my life. Especially our journey with Joshua. The hardest journey i have ever had to walk. I never wanted or expected to have a special needs child... let alone possibly two. But God has taught me so much more about His character though having a "special needs" child. Only the Lord knows how many times i have cried, and he knows my feelings very well.. the sadness, the anger and the frustration. But along with all of those things he has given me joy.. oh so much joy and a greater understanding of His love.

Okay.. there's some depth that has flowed out of my heart to share. Sorry if it doesn't flow well... i always desired to be a writer, but i don't think i am gifted in it ! :)
Maybe more will come later...

Joshua likes to go though our clothes... and this is what he found to put on today...

Hopefully he won't want to dress like this as a teenager.

This is what i go into the boys room to find every morning (well almost every morning) when i hear that Daniel is up.

He's starting to get his joyful self back! We had a long stint of cranky clingyness, but he is starting to be the sweet, joyfully guy that he usually is. Also he is starting to communicate more and he is trying to use words! Just today while he was at a friends house he was saying "john john"(that is the name of the little boy). Daniel was looking for him. Yippie! Another starting to communicate verbally!

Oh my boys! :)

food

Joshua really wanted to help cook his dinner tonight, so we let him. Here he is cooking his eggs and ham.

yes he really was cooking them and doing a good job! I know.. crazy to let a 4 year old cook... let alone our 4 year old.. but he did a great job and listened very well!

Elijah has started to eat solid foods. He's loving it for the most part. He makes a hilarious expression every time we feed he him something but he still eats it.

Yummy cracker

Mmm apple and butternut squash

(for the record that's Matt's hairy arm... not mine)

In other kid news, I set Elijah down on the floor to watch the boys play in the play room so i could get some breakfast. After i got my breakfast i came back and the boy was in the hall.. a few minutes later he had scooted himself backwards into the laundry room! And of course a trail of drool where he had been. Wow.. mobile at 6 months, life is going to be fun!

I can't believe how fast he's growing up!

The Room

I didn't write this, but it was something that i read when i was a teenager and just recently found again that i wanted to share.

The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself inthe room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Guys I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would lookover my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I havebetrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird, 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers..' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of thefile. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows, but more bythe vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chillrun through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out.. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep thatthey hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But thenas I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him. Not here.. Oh, anyone but Jesus. Iwatched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bringmyself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.. Why did Hehave to read every one? Finally, He turned and looked at me from across theroom. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity thatdidn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began tocry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said somany things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Startingat one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign Hisname over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted, rushing to Him. All I couldfind to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn'tbe on these cards. But, there it was, written in red, so rich, so dark, soalive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. Hegently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign thecards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but thenext instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to myside. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.'I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door.There were still cards to be written.

Because i just love picture posts!