about the birds

 

Matt's grandma gave us her bird feeders.. I've always wanted some bird feeders, it's just something that has never happened..

So finally we are seeing the local bird population...I've heard them for many year but living in the forest seeing them not as easy.

 

We have a few regulars...

 

My favorite is the steller jay. I'm pretty sure we only have one that comes around, this isn't the one that comes around but this is what a steller jay looks like.

 

 

We also have a lot of blackheaded grosbeaks. The darker orange is the male and the lighter colored one is a female.

I highly recommend getting some bird feeders!

 

freecycle

I cannot believe the things that people give away sometimes. I was lucky enough to be the first to respond to a freecycle ad that a lady posted about an old solid wood trunk.

This thing is a beauty.. I couldn't believe she was getting rid of it but she said it wasn't her style anymore. I thanked her profusely and took the wonderful FREE treasure home...

 

 

Elijah was pretty excited about it too...

 

Now I just have to figure out where to put it....

little moments

 

We have been working on drinking out of a cup with Daniel for about 3 years now. On and off for the first few years because of certain difficulties, but more so now this past year.

I've been exhausted. I've felt like giving up. Seriously.. drinking liquid out of a cup shouldn't be something so hard to do. But for Daniel it seemed like it is impossible.

I've cried about this issue and felt like a total failure because I looked into all the ways to help him and it just seemed like all the different technics where not working! He would cry and cry and just not be able to get it and freak out BAD. Poor boy.

This past week we've had a break through. After he had been crying about it and having a difficult time working on drinking, I sat him down. I told him that I knew it was hard and I knew he was sad. I knew that he worked so hard and he had to work harder then everyone else to do simple things and that frustrates him. I told him how much I loved him and that he is going to have to work extra hard to get things down.. and I know that it doesn't seem right or fair because he sees his brothers do things with ease. but he is a strong little boy, and I know that he can do it.. and that when he does, he is going to feel so great. And there are going to be a lot of things down the road that are going to come up that he is going to have to fight for, but he is a fighter and he can do it and that reward is going to be even sweeter. I gave him a hug and then we kept on working.

 I can now say he is drinking from a cup. He needs some prompting at first and reassuring that he can do it.. but after a few sips, he gathers his courage and focuses on his task and drinks from the cup!

I don't think I've been this excited since he was "potty trained" (I hate calling it that, like our children are animals or something like that, but for lack of a better word right now i'm just going to stick with it).

 Each little moment, each little step for him is such a big accomplishment. And sometimes I forget because I am with him all day and I feel like I see more struggle then victory. But there is progress and he is working so hard.

Check it out.

 

 

 

interesting or not.. our house this week...

we are down a duck... he was probably taken by a raccoon.. that's our guess.

I've been running for a month now... and I love it. I love having time to myself to work on staying healthy so that I can be healthy for my family. Today I walked around our lake with my mother in law and then I ran around it and it felt so good. As I was running I actually felt great. My body is feeling good.. I say with confidence now.. I AM A RUNNER. I have been saying for the few months before I started that I didn't want to be a runner.. I think mainly because of the fear of failure. But I'm past that now, and I feel great about it. There is even part of me that thinks maybe I'll try for a half marathon sometime. we'll see... baby steps.


There is llama burger thawing out on my counter. Yep.. LLAMA MEAT... Now before you jump to conclusions and think that we butchered one of my llama girls.. we didn't. Matt's mom has a friend who raises llamas to eat and I was curious at the taste of them so she gave us some. I feel a little weird knowing it is llama meat.. :S.. I mean I had no problems eating the cow that we raised and the deer we have shot, but for some reason eating llama meat feels weird! I'm thinking I am going to make it into chili.

Lately I have been enjoying the sounds of Fleetwood mac and ABBA. "SO WHEN YOU NEED ME DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME S.O.S.." :)

and now for some random pictures.

 

can you see it? it's the beginnings of an airplane....

 

He has such a great smile.

 



And that's it for now.. wasn't that exciting? :)

sometimes

 

 

Sometimes there is a jet engine in our living room....

 

 

yep... i know you are thinking.. "that is a jet engine?"
It is... it's just a small one to power something like a 1 person airplane...
 

 



adjusting

I love music. I have always loved music. I can name hundreds of songs by the first few seconds of the song.
I live with a child who is very sensitive to noise and who is not a big fan of music. He has been this way since he was a baby. For over 6 years listening to music was a small morsel i would be able to enjoy when he was sleeping or not in the car. Sure he doesn't mind it playing in the car softly.. but if you want to listen to it at a nice decent level and sing along, NO WAY.
So a little part of happy died when he was born. OH yeah, i know that sounds dramatic... for my artistic soul it is though. I'm the kinda girl to crank up the music while i'm cleaning and dance around the house. Actually i like music just about anytime of day.... I would have it on all day and night if i could. There is something about music that touches the soul so much deeper then anything else.
 Just recently I've started running (yay) and i pulled out the MP3 player my loving husband got for me about 5 years or so ago. I pulled those headphones on and started to listen to the music.. at first i tensed up because i expected some unhappy screaming from the 6 year old playing nearby me... but nothing happened.. just beautiful music flowing and 6 year old doing his thing unaffected. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS SOONER??? seriously? I blasted the music.. and i danced and i am SURE that i looked crazy, silly, insane, BUT there was no screaming... there was no freaking out and running around and slamming doors and covering ears , ect.
So now at least a few times a day if you come to my house you may catch me blasting my music peacefully and dancing around the house looking like a crazy person.
 I'm adjusting... i am learning how to get back parts of my life that i thought i lost in this maze of parenting special needs kids. Sometimes it's hard to think outside the box.. sometimes it seems easier just to give up.. but I'm pressing on, learning how to adjust... Right now I'm just so happy to have music back I don't care how silly i look lip singing and dancing around the house to sounds only i can hear!
:)

Mom

She calls days like these " Hallmark Holidays". But i know deep down she wants to be appreciated and loved just like all the other moms out there.

She is strength and beauty.

She has seen much love and much heartache.

She is my encouragement and biggest fan.

She is my mom....

 

 

Honesty

I'm not going to miss this. I'm not going to miss the screaming, i am not going to miss the extreme freaking out over little things. I am not going to miss the persistence on trying to get something so simple, like drinking out of a cup, to be accomplished. I'm not going to miss the feeling like i am going to go crazy. I am not going to miss stepping outside the house and having my son screaming because he doesn't want to go outside but he doesn't like to be more than 20 feet away from me. I'm not going to miss telling him for the 100th time that week that i am not going anywhere and i will just be in the yard and he has the choice to be inside or outside, but he doesn't need to make everybody miserable in the process because of the screaming. I'm not going to miss screaming.. PERIOD. You see... when one has a child who is non-verbal and has HIGH sensory issues .. one hears A LOT of screaming... A LOT of freaking out. I can't tell you how many times a day i say " stay calm, get self control, relax, breath, try again". Some days are wonderful and fabulous and i have the patience of a saint and unending love to give and the squeals and screams do not phase me. Other days i feel like if i hear just one more scream.. even a happy one.. i will need to be committed to a mental institution.
*edit... i had some rant about how having a special needs kid is so much harder then a nuerotypical child and how parents who do not have special needs kids have no idea how hard having a special needs kid is.. but i think i may be offensive ,  i'm feeling fiesty.. so i took it down. :)

One thing with having a special needs child is that the little things, and the little accomplishments mean so much more... but the lows are oh so low. And the weariness is so... weary. And the heartaches just ache. And you wonder more, and worry more, and think maybe this would be better, or that would be better. You cry out to God and ask "WHY ME?" and people say " Because God knew you could handle it.." THANKS... SO i guess that makes me a flipping amazing parent and you a crappy one who can only handle a "normal" child. HA! You know i really don't say that... but sometimes I think it.
 I thank God that my youngest son does not have issues... without him our home would be depressing. Honestly. It sounds terrible, but there is the truth.

Oh i wouldn't give my children away... would i change them? Well that's a hard question. I have grown SO MUCH from having to deal with special needs and having to view the world differently for them. I think they have a lot to teach and give to the world...But yes, i would give them better gifts with communication and more tolerance to the world around them that seems to set them off. I would trade the screaming.. yep... i would trade it any day... and i would NOT miss it.

As i type this Daniel is happy screaming... and i love him... but my ears hurt from the pitch. It's so high... And every time he screams like that i really hope that he does not do it when he is a teenager. And i REALLY hope he can learn to self calm himself when he gets bigger.. because i can't imagine a 150 pound kid freaking out running around in circles and screaming because something isn't perfectly the way he wants it. Each year he calms more, but he does have a long way to go. sigh.

This isn't a pity post. It's just an honest, this is how i feel and this is my life, post. Because ...honestly... I'm not going to miss this...