sunday ramblings

I should really put explanations on some of those pictures from the Tetons trip, but I haven't. I've been in a funk with blog writing and just reading in general. Maybe when fall and winter come things will be easier? I think there is just so much else going on in life and in my heart and head and I would love to share it but at the end of the day I am ready to just crash. That is why this space has been grossly neglected.

I've been trying to be more purposeful with my kids. I've been trying to be present and there and listening to thoughts and feelings and explaining things to them. I am finding as they are getting older there is more talking about emotions and feelings.. how they feel about this, or that certain thing that scares them. Tonight Joshua and I started talking about braces. While we were at the dentist last week they wanted him to come in for a consult to get braces started because he really needs them. Joshua is totally scared and started crying about getting them. SO we had a conversation about it and talked about his fears and he is feeling better about it now but still scared. It's so crazy. First of all that I have a son old enough for braces (!!!!!!!!) and second seeing even more of who my boys are come out as they get older. It's crazy and exciting.

We usually do a certain amount of schoolwork during the summer to keep things fresh for the boys, but we have officially started up school again. Things have been GREAT! BUT I am finding with a kid in "4th" grade, "2nd" grade and kindergarten that I have way less time then I did even last year! OY 4th grade!!!!?!?!?!?! SO CRAZY! I HAVE A 4TH GRADER! How did that happen? Regardless, life and schooling have become busier because of minds becoming more curious.

Time is an interesting thing.. we have plans for the future... lots of plans, but these things can't happen until other things happen.. so it's a strange waiting game. I am looking at this time in our lives as molding and shaping. I am not yet the person I want to be and there are things in me that I want to see grown and better before we reach these goals and dreams and plans. SO i'm working on slowing down, enjoying the moments of the journey to getting there and trying to realize that this is all a season. Someday we will be in a different house, with a big shop for my husband to work out of, and room the animals I want for my someday special needs farm, and room to give a great home to one or even more children then we have now ( no I am not pregnant nor plan to be, that ship has sailed, but our hearts have been called to adoption, I will write a post on that sometime, really because it's totally God and I think a super cool story) , we'll have room to offer hospitality to those who need it, i'll be able to encourage and support those families who need it in the special needs community. I have SO many dreams and goals.. but they can't all be attained at once, and it's the years of molding and shaping and wear that make these things possible. And with time comes the wisdom I will need to pursue these in a healthy way. If I tried to attain all these dreams RIGHT NOW, they would overwhelm me and I would burn out fast. Some of these dreams may never come true, some dreams may change.. but all I know is right now, I have to focus on loving my boys and loving those around me and looking inward at my heart and continue to grow and learn and understand what I need to know to become all that I am destine to be. God knows exactly who I am right now, who I was back then, and who I am to become. That gives me hope and inspiration.

It's close to the 3 year mark of Marty's passing. It seems so far away but just like yesterday. And random memories or events trigger so many emotions. I have no regrets at all, which I am thankful for. I will like I said everything that was possible to say to him and I know he knew how much I loved him. I wish he was here... we miss him often and talk about him. I'm sure he would be proud of his grandsons.. and i'm sure he would love to help his son in law with all his crazy airplane designs. sigh... people die to young. Love your families dear readers and don't let things go unsaid because life slips by, don't live with regrets and don't hold grudges. Life is to short and to beautiful to spend fretting away and being angry that things aren't better.

anyway.. those are my sunday night ramblings. I'm sorry to say that I can't say with certainty how often I will come on this space. But thank you for reading, thank you for caring and taking the time.

Summer adventure

Our adventure to the Grand tetons to see the Kults!

Pictures now... explanations later! :)