My Little Warriors

A Giveaway in honor of...

2012-02-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Our first date was valentines day.
He borrowed a truck to drive us down to Calgary.
It was a Friday night.
everything was closed and nothing went as planned.
We sang the "fresh prince of bel air" theme song on the c-train with drunk strangers.
I had coffee, he had juice at Tim Horton's.
A man came up to us at the train station.
his name was Scotty.
It was a COLD night and he was not dressed properly... he was homeless, staying in the shelter. We talked a while, shared a little life and then shared some money for warm food, not sure if he used it for food, but i like to believe that he did treat his friend to subway.
I noticed his hands where cold.
Mine where so warm.
My mittens where thick and perfect for cold nights.. they did have hearts on them, but i thought i would offer.
He accepted graciously...
We drove back to the small prairie town with conversation full of hope for the future and hearts glowing with new love.
In honor of that first date and the beginning of a life of giving together i am doing a giveaway!
So here is the down low...
It will be a special made package from me... specific to who wins. :)
So this is how you enter...

Comment on this blog post about either

1. Your first date with your spouse (good bad ugly... just want to hear about it)
or
2. A time where things didn't go as planned but still turned out memorable.

contest will close on Friday the 17 12am.. so you have until then to comment!
:)

2012-02-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

9 years ago i went for a walk with a boy.

It was a cold Alberta night.

He gave me a rose and asked me to be his.

The stars shined brighter that night, and twinkled with known mystery of the years to come.

and now i love the man even more then i loved the boy.

It was a beautiful start to a love story that only God could design.

With each year he captures my heart and draws me in with his tender love.

he challenges me to be the woman he knows is inside me

he holds me up when i am broken

he inspires me towards greater things

This month holds many many dear memories for me as this has always been a month of new beginnings for me.
What about you?
I encourage you to go back to the days of late night walks, long conversations, and lingering hand holds... back to the magic of the beginning of your love story...

Guest blogging

2012-02-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Check out my guest post on homeschooling over on a friend's blog.

question...

2012-02-09T12:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, Joshua is 7 and he has terrible B.O.
I make him scrub and scrub, but he will sweat and then stink...
i think it's time for deodorant...

Any suggestions on how to control the odor?

I didn't think we would have this problem until at least 10 or 11...

thursday morning thoughts

2012-02-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

point form thoughts for your Thursday morning, or whenever you are reading this, enjoyment.

-after having a rough few days i think i am finally coming out of the funk i was in. I took some time off and made myself stay at home. This is not easy to do because having a little boy who is in a special needs preschool 4 days a week, as well as my little sister who has weekly appointments (it seems like), sometimes half of my days are driving around. As it ended up, little boy got sick, and little sister had no appointments for a few days, so i was able to recuperate. Also got lots of love and encouragement from the hubby, so that always gets me revitalized faster.

-I LOVE MY LLAMAS. seriously... love them. It's been so great to go out into the pasture and really get to know them and have them get to know me. We named the baby llama Shiloh, and the teenage llama (that is the other new llama) Gwen. Gwen was quite feisty at first, but now she has really warmed up and I think she will be a great addition to our family. She is gentle and curious and eager to please. Training is going very well. It's amazing how i can go and spend 5 minutes with them and my mood is lifted. They really are great therapy animals for me!

-Since we have new llamas we are going to be finding a home for our alpaca. We originally thought we would take her along on packing trips but she isn't able to handle distances or weight, so we were just keeping her for a pasture mate for kady, the llama. Molly (the alpaca) gets upset when we leave with kady. Llamas and alpacas tend to get lonely if they are on their own, so we found Molly a new home (she is leaving our place today!!!!) where she will always be around other animals and her fiber will get used. whew.. that was a long winded explanation that I'm sure you really don't care about, but i like sharing my simple loves.

- currently reading " The well-adjusted child: the social benefits of homeschooling" by Rachel Gathercole. fantastic read so far...

-currently on the stack to read next -
"educating the whole hearted child" - by sally and clay clarkson.
"apraxia uncovered- seven stages of phoneme development" - by pam marshalla

-my youngest has brought so much joy lately. He is a little light in our family. He walks around the house checking on everybody and wanting to be with them, humming little songs to himself while he plays through the day. The other day i grabbed some coffee in a travel cup and he insisted that he get his own cup and drink his coffee (which was just an empty cup) . Man was he cute... i had to snap of picture of him "drinking his coffee".

'

I hope that today you find a glimmer of peace and joy in the everyday simple. And I'll end with this quote by A. Einstein for you...

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing it is stupid

2012-02-05T21:53:00.001-08:00

Today was one of those days i didn't do well.

that is all i have right now.

sigh...

inspired by

2012-02-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

This blog inspired me today and again reminded me of how very blessed I am to love the man God gave me. 9 years ago today we were not yet but almost dating. He put together a birthday party for me and made fried chicken. I was young and put icecream in a certian friends fish tank and to this day i still feel stupid for doing that... I'm glad i have good friends and also i am glad that Matt was able to look past my foolishness of youth and step up a few days later to join him in courtship. Yep, we courted... didn't really do the typical dating thing, though our families where many miles away from us, we went into our relationship with the focus of marriage. Anyway... that is a story for another day... just wanted to share this great blog post.

The way to my heart

2012-02-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my birthday... I will be turning 28. For a few weeks now i've been trying to figure out what i would like for my birthday. A new dishwasher? nah... i'm fine hand washing the dishes these days... Books? mmm maybe. I just kept going all over the place trying to give my husband ideas, but nothing really felt right. I had settled myself to the idea that this was going to be another year of nothing special. I don't mind nothing special, and sometimes prefer it, but this year i felt like i wanted something bigger. I finally decided on maybe some time to myself alone in a clean house. But Matt had other plans that i had no idea of. It is not easy to surprise me. I can clue in fairly well to surprises. There has only been one time in our time together that Matt surprised me and that's when he flew to Minnesota to visit me over summer vacation while we were dating. Today was the second time i would say he successfully surprised me.
The story is this:
About 5 years ago Matt built a hovercraft and sold plans online. We had a random hovercraft sitting around his parents house and finally a year ago we took the engines off of it and took it apart. He saved the engines to sell someday and he recently found a buyer. He told me that he was going to drive down to Portland and drop off these engines and the guy who was buying them had a snow mobile that he was wanting to trade possibly for the engines. Matt told me that if the snow mobile didn't work like he wanted it to then he would take the cash. He asked me if i wanted a snow mobile for my birthday and i said yes, i thought that would be fun for the family. We had discussed getting snow mobiles in the future because we have boys and we live by the mountains so we thought it would be a good investment. So the past 3 days he's been talking about snow mobiles. Today he left to go pick up the snow mobile. He got home just as i was pulling out of the driveway to drop Daniel off at school. I stopped so that Joshua and Elijah could hop out and stay home with daddy... and i wanted to see if he did indeed get the snow mobile. I walked over to the van and i was in the middle of asking about a snowmobile when i see in the back of the van a LLAMA! NO JOKE... he said surprise and happy birthday, and then he said there is a second surprise... we are getting 2 llamas! we have been talking about getting more llamas for packing and we have been keeping our eyes open for young healthy llamas because they are hard to come by at a decent price. So in Matt's advertising to sell these engines he found a guy who had a few llamas and more specifically 2, 8 month old female llamas (exactly what we have been looking for) that he was willing to trade.
My older sister thinks i'm weird. And maybe i am, but my husband knows the way to my heart is through a farm animal....
and he picked such a beautiful sweet one...

I'm still trying to figure out a name for her... any suggestions?
We are going to go pick up the other llama on saturday, and I'm so excited! :)
I love how my husband knows me, and i love how he knows what will put a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I am so blessed by him and so thankful that he doesn't look down on my love for farm animals, but encourages it.

Joshua

2012-01-29T21:19:00.000-08:00

He is 7 now... His birthday was last week, but we celebrated it today.

A lot of people say that they feel like time has flown by with their kids growing up. We've had a lot of rough times mixed with times of uncertainty through the years. We have had times where i wanted to have time go faster, because a certain stage was wearing me to the bone. Don't get me wrong, i adore and love my children, BUT there were a few years in there that felt endless. I guess you could say that I am not on the sentimental side of feeling like i wish i could go back.. because i really don't. I love where we are now, and i enjoy life with my children. Sometimes i miss snuggling them as a babies... but most of the time, i LOVE communicating with them. I would not go back at all because right now I enjoy watching Joshua grow and learn and become more then was expected of him. I have paved this path to where we are and i DO NOT want to pave it again!

Happy birthday son! You have been my joy, my patience maker, and an arrow pointing straight to the Love of God. May He give you many more years teaching others as you have taught me.

2012-01-24T14:19:00.000-08:00

I'm still here friends. I've such been having an off few weeks. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this before but I have struggled with fibromyalgia on and off through the years as well as endometriosis. The fibromyalgia has not flared up this bad for a while... I think it may be due to the fact that I went off of gluten for almost a year and a half and then decided to see how I felt going back on. After a month of gluten and now feeling the way that I do, I know that it contributes to feeling terrible. There is probably a number of other factors added in there, but I think that is a big part of my health as a whole right now. I know also with the extra stress that has been happening with having my little sister and her new son living in town, i'm struggling with low adrenal function. Hopefully I'll come down from this episode soon. I always feel so bad for my family but it's good for me to learn to let my family take care of me. I have a better grasp on how to prevent episodes of fibro, and I have a better grasp on what i need to do on the days where I am really hurting. But i still struggle with taking the time that I need in order to function to my full potential. But when i take the time, everybody is happier.

I was thinking about Daniel, and about his speech disability, and the conversation that i had with our dentist and his wife about their Apraixic son. The wife (Hazar) was commenting about all of the speech therapy appointments and how hard it is to find someone who specializes in that certain disability. They fortunately found one, but they have to do so much driving because the therapist is located an hour from our city. It got me to thinking. I really hate, i mean HATE driving all over the place to different appointments. It drains me out, and not to mention it irritates my circulation and blood clotting issues. The thought of driving down to Portland 3 times a week for an hour at a time for therapy physically makes me want to throw up. seriously. I've been reading this book on apraxia.. and it's wonderful and very informative. It is called " Becoming verbal with childhood apraxia". It is written by a speech therapist who is an expert in her field. Whenever she talks about her patients she always talks about how she works with the patients for only a few weeks and then teaches the parents how to work with their child and then she MOVES ON. She leaves the tools needed to help the children with the parents. I like her. I do think that it is important for families.. especially those families who have two full time working parents and children have to be in a public or private school setting.. to have a speech therapist and get regular therapy. BUT in our case i am really thinking about this whole therapy thing. I am no speech therapist... well at least i am not considered or qualified to be a speech therapist, but i have read read so many texts on speech therapy and different techniques i feel like my eyes are going to bleed. So i looked into the woman who wrote this amazing book i am reading and i discovered that she does workshops on apraxia and techniques to teach those who have it. I also discovered that she has an audio series on apraxia and even online courses. So the wheels in my head started turning. As most of you know I am for homeschool, and i get much disaprovement on homeschooling my children esspecailyl because they are special needs. (Not from friends who know me, but from strangers who hear of our unique family). If i am to be the one that is around my child all the time, knows him best, why don't i educate myself on therapies and techniques on apraxia. All the speech therapist would do anyway would be spending about 4 sessions getting to know Daniel and getting comfortable and hope that we catch him on a good day to work with him and then the speech therapist would then turn around and teach me how to work with him because Matt and I are 90 percent of his therapy time. Okay sorry if this is a big jumble. What i am getting at is that i made a command descion to educate myself on apraxia. I ordered the 5 hour seminar and materials and I am going to be teaching myself to be a speech therapist to my child. Yes i realize that I am probably going to get a lot of people telling me that I am not a speech therapist, and that he NEEDS to go see a professional, and he is going to have issues because of it. I'm willing to take that risk. I'm willing to stand up to the opposition. Because I KNOW, that i can do it. And I KNOW my son, and I AM DETERMINED. To some studying and learning how to work with such speech disorder may seem harder then to just drive to a specialist.. but to me, the learning and doing it myself seems easier. Now of course I am still planning on staying in touch with Daniel's current speech therapist so that i have a "professional" to bounce ideas and questions off of, but I feel this is a right step. With the change in our family schedule I actually have time to myself in the evenings to study and to plan out well.
Can i just tell you that I AM EXCITED! I am excited about learning more about my sons unique disability and learning about how I can help him communicate with the world. he is such a precious little boy and I want the very best for him.

as always please excuse the terrible punctuation and spelling errors that my spell check does not check or change. I'm not really in the mood for grammer checking tonight! I jest wanted to get my thoughts out!

2012-01-22T18:21:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine shared this picture and i had to pass it on.

Hope found in a dentist office

2012-01-19T16:58:00.000-08:00

Daniel has been complaining about his teeth lately. So i bit the bullet and scheduled a dentist appointment for him. All three of my children have yet to have seen a dentist. Yes, terrible i know, but i am good about making sure they brush their teeth and all that entails. I couldn't put it off any longer with how much Daniel was complaining. There is a dentist office in town called Happy Kids Dentistry. I thought they probably would be the most equip to handle Daniel as they do mention that they work with special needs. I was very impressed when i made the appointment and had little trepidation bringing him in. In the waiting area they had video games, movies going, books, and toys gallor. He was a little hesitant but all in all he did okay. When it was time to go back, the atmosphere was very open and friendly.
I wish i could get my teeth cleaned there!
They had a big flat screen with mickey mouse play house on. Daniel was mainly just concerned with all the strange instruments and chairs. The dentist came in and was very friendly. Before the visit i had told them about Daniel's disability of apraxia. He talked to Daniel and said hello, and then he asked me about the apraxia and proceeded to tell me that his 9 year old son has the same disorder! NO JOKE.. seriously.. this dentist has a son with the same disorder as Daniel. His son actually has the most severe form of apraxia. We chatted a bit, Daniel's teeth looked great, and over all it was not very traumatic for Daniel at all. When it was time to go the dentist told me that i needed to stop in and talk with his wife (who is the office manager).
We instantly connected. There is a bond between special needs parents that is forged almost instantly upon meeting. It's like a weary sighed "hello fellow traveler on this road of unexpectedness". And in our case, with a disorder that is not widely known, it was even more connecting.
I spent about a half an hour talking to his wife (who's name is Hazar) about apraxia, our children, resources in the area, speech therapy, and communication devices. We exchanged information and i left the office encourage, empowered and full of HOPE.

Who knew a trip to the dentist office could provide such inspiration and encouragement.

On loving and other things

2012-01-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it's just me, but i think it is easier to love (and when i say love, i mean sacrifice and serve another person) a complete stranger then to love a family member (certian family members). It's easier to give money and help a complete stranger (well at least for me anyway) then to help your brother or sister who is in a tough finacial spot, or who is need in of grace and a friend.
I think it's because with family we feel obligated to help them, but with strangers we are making the choice to love and help. And in making the choice it empowers us... but with family the feelings of the obligation are more of a burden. Maybe it's because we've been wounded by family, and we fear being wounded again, so a total stranger seems like a safer bet. Maybe we have more hope for someone else...
I struggle with these emotions. Feeling like maybe my time and impact can make a BIGGER difference then where it is currently being used, with someone else who may apperciate it more. I like to feel useful and when i just feel like i am being used and not useful i start to get resentful.
Just something i am struggling with right now considering my current situation with caring for a certian family.
Also in dealing with a situation where a person has mental health issues, how do you gracefull help that person understand that they do not function on a level that is considered normal and does need day to day help doing tasks that typical people can handle with ease? I'm not sure how to gracefully go about this subject... And I know that i brought up a situation that upset said person, but it was brought up as an example of how functioning within relationships is a struggle and help is needed.
I have a desire of always wanting people to feel safe and loved, but at the same time i have a desire to see people recognize their weakness and grow and learn how to function within them.
It's about finding that balance and I'm just not sure of it right now... again with the desire to have people comfortable but also the desire for growth. hmmmm
Anyway.. sorry if that is jumbled.. i just had to put some words out into the void to help me process and depeel...

2012-01-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

Colossians 3:12-15
New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

2012-01-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

Alright I would love it if you'all would watch this and tell me what you think. It's 4 minutes long... but i think it's worth the watch.

What do you think?

changes

2012-01-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

There are some family changes in our new future coming up. With the addition of helping out my younger sister with her new life change of raising a baby boy, Matt's work schedule will be changing. His job was a typical monday-friday 9-5pm job. Though it has been a blessing in providing for all of our needs, it is definitely not where he wanted to be the rest of his life. So there has been some changes in positions and he will now be working a schedule of 4pm-5am (most of that time will be spent at home on call taking calls from drivers as he works for an oil company) and it will rotate to 4 days on and 4 days off. This will actually free up MUCH time for our family and Matt can be home during the day to just be with us. He has covered for this position before when the person who currently works it is on vacation and it has worked out well for us. It is an exciting change for us, but our family is going to have to change it's flow! We are use to him being around nights so it's going to be an adjustment for me to be the one doing all of their nighttime bedtime stuff. For instance, tonight Matt is working and Joshua was upset that Daddy wasn't home to sing and pray with him. So we called him up and put him on speaker phone to have him sing for us. Daniel was most excited of all and said "dada dada" and started to sing Jesus loves me along with Matt!!!! SO EXCITING!!! It's always so exciting when Daniel engages in vocalizing!!!!
Anyway... sorry side track there. We are excited as these are good changes that will still provide financially for all of our needs, but free up time for Matt to spend with us and on his business and coming that much closer to self employment. Good changes coming!!! And it makes my heart happy and oh so thankful!
:)

2012-01-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

I may or may not ruffel some feathers with this as i usually don't post political opinions... but a friend shared this with me, I cannot attest to the story being true, but it provides a good example...

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little..
The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that.
Remember, there IS a test coming up. The 2012 elections.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

2012-01-06T23:42:00.000-08:00

She is moved out!

I know that she will still very much take up time and have needs...

But I have my house back...

And It feels wonderful....

Now I can hopefully catch a little time to recover from this cold that has crept up into my system.

Thankfullness

2012-01-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am thankful for:

a mother that prays for me still

a husband who knows how to love me and care for me, who has walked with me through these difficult times and has embraced me and drawn me closer through it all.

children who forgive and love and give grace much more then i deserve from them despite the way they are being treated by me at times.

GRACE

My wonderful in laws who saw my oldest sons need to have a break and some good grandma and grandpa time.

Daniel's teachers at his special needs school. They are so kind and wonderful and helpful and a great community of educators to work with.

And lastly I am thankful tonight for a friend who took courage and shared words with me that i needed to hear... such good words i just wanted to share them with you...

I think we are all deserving because he thought we were worthy to be. Thinking of not being deserving is letting sin be the final say. While sin is wrong and in need of justice it should not be what finds us worthy. And He found us both worthy and deserving enough to recieve mercy. Because:
de·serv·ing/dəˈzərviNG/
Adjective:
Worthy of being treated in a particular way, typically of being given assistance.
Synonyms:
meritorious - worth

If we were made in HIS image I think we are worth being treated in HIS IMAGE. Worth thinking ourselves partially beautiful...not there yet, Not perfect, But still a beautiful mirror that HE created Humanly.

I feel that Christians use underserving so much. I guess I feel it's used wrong and a disservice to the way we were created. I know there is the acknowledgement of sin, justice and choice but we get so much more done when we believe we are worthy. When we believe we are worthy we change, we accept the redemption and we realize with humbleness that we also need to grow in grace.

Anyway, Just a few thoughts. You may struggle but we all do. We were not made angels for some reason. We were made human. It's not an excuse. It's a privilege. Sacred and holy. You have the choice to change, the forgiveness when you mess up and the empowerment of love behind you. When you accept that I just know you will do your best. It may not always be perfect - but when you accept God's grace, give yourself grace then you will also give that to others...even in your flaws...I think what you are doing is beautiful. I do not think it's selfish to have a tough time with change. That's human. Selfishness would require you to completely turn your back with malicious intent.

Thank you again K...

2012-01-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

I like the post that this lovely lady did on answering 10 questions about 2011, that she got from this lovely lady.

1.What is one truth you learned?

Never say never...

2. What is something you did that you are particularly proud of?
stepping up and really advocating for my kids needs as well as taking the plunge into homeschooling Joshua against "specialist" judgements and suggestions.

3. What was the hardest thing you had to do?
There were a lot of hard things but the hardest i think was saying goodbye for now to the man who was my father for 20+ years...

4. What is something you changed to improve the way you lived?
Let go of the little things. I know that's a broad statement... and can mean much, but just letting go of things that just don't matter in the scheme of life has VERY MUCH improved the way i live.

5. What was your favourite Arts and Culture discovery ( a Book or song)? Becoming verbal with childhood apraxia. And any information regarding Childhood apraxia of speech. It is a very fascinating disability and I'm excited to help Daniel navigate through it.

6. What was something new you tried?
Llama sheering... and it wasn't as bad as i thought, but very hairy... As well as butchers all sorts of animals... and eating them.

7. What experience did you appreciate the most?
Oh my goodness there is just to many big ones this past year. First i think being able to watch the birth of my nephew. Amazing... won't forget it. Second, though this doesn't sound like something that one would appreciate, is being there when my dad passed from this earth into the glorious presence of the Lord... having my brother sister and mom there was such just an amazing experience.

8. What did God surprise you with?
AHAhahahahahAHAhaaaaa. ahh haa hhaaa haa. Really... seriously so many events... getting a diagnosis that makes sense for Daniel when we thought we just would never have an answer, Having my parents come out and visit the beginning of the year, being able to go to Minnesota 3 times this year, losing my dad, Having 2 great friends come and visit at a time much needed for fellowship, and last of all that he surprised me with... the beginning on this year i wasn't even talking to my little sister who was in Minnesota. She is for the time being living under our roof in Washington, raising her new little boy and basically I am her only friend right now. Just the events that surround that whole situation are God ordained.. they really are, And i am using every ounce of grace God gives me to love her like Jesus would.

9. What was something that inspired you?
my mom and how fiercely she clings to the Lord, as well as my older sister who is going through an unimaginable time right now, but she is pressing through and finding hope and inspiration in God. :) And that has been my biggest prayer of over the years is that my siblings would find that same hope in God that i have found.

10.If there is one word to describe 2011 what would it be?
OVER

Goodbye

2011-12-31T21:52:00.000-08:00

I can safely say that 2011 will not be a year that I will forget. This year has been the most stretching year yet. With various diagnosis for children, the loss of a beloved father, the caring of a younger sister and experiencing the birth and first few weeks of my precious nephew's life... Among other things.... I will not forget.
I'm looking forward.
Mostly with hope, but it is mixed with uncertainty.
So much more to share, and even though it's 10 pm, the house is sleeping and so should I.
So goodnight my fellow travelers on this journey of life. May you close the old year with new wisdom and begin the new year with a sense of HOPE!

2011-12-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday Jesus cake...

This Christmas was different for me. My little sister has now been living with us for the past week. It is not a permanent situation, but she will be here another week. It is not easy for me to share my house. I mean i LOVE guests for a few days, but this is a little different as she is one of those high needs people. I think i have a touch of OCD as well... really seriously. I like things certain ways and i am use to my schedule, so with all this newness and getting my sister hooked into the community and the resources that she needs here, i'm getting all thrown off. And with any new mom the movement is a bit slower then i am use to. Add a new mom and then a baby and three little boys to the mix it is not easy to get things done. I just need to focus on the important things and to go with the flow right now. I am making sure that i get sleep at night so that's been good for my general mood, though i still feel like a little bit of a bear.

I was thinking about how much God loves us. To be brought down so low into infant status, to be born in a stable with animals and raised by a teenager in a scandalous situation in appearance sake. He went from glory to one of the lowliest states. So much suffering he went through for us.. and how did we repay him, we tacked our sins to him and nailed him on a cross. That's gratitude for you. I think that this holiday season has just been one that has been filled with so much faith stretching patience and obedience it has brought me closer to the heart of Christ and just how undeserving I really am of grace and mercy and how OH SO THANKFUL i am. I am so desperately in need of His mercy and grace in my life. I could not press on without the knowledge of how deeply he loves me and how so very much i do not deserve a single thing. Not one.

Anyway... please, if you think of me, continue to pray for strength, patience, and grace in this current season.

2011-12-24T17:44:00.000-08:00

Dear friends. I would appreciate prayers right now. I know what God has called me to do, but I'm just feeling plain selfish right now. I know that it will pass as a meditate on the Lord and focus on his desires for me... But I just need that extra strength knowing I'm backed by friends who care.

Twas the Night before Christmas

2011-12-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night befor Christmas,And all through the dark Not a candle was glowing,not even a spark As the wold lay in sorrow,Sickness and grief It was longing for someone,to bring it relief: And the hearts that were weary,Sinsick and sore, Cried out for deliverance, Long promised before! When low on a mountian,A wonderful light Shone out through the darkness And scattered... the night When,hark! From the heavens A wonderful song Brought peace to the hearts That had waited so long! And this the glad tiding That greet the new morn, "Unto you,unto you A great Saviour is born" Twas the night before Christmas And my heart was dark. There was no light within me Not even a spark When I heard of a Saviour Who cleanses from sin, And I opened my heart And prayed Him come in. Then the light! Then the song! Then the darkness was passed! And into my heart There came Christmas at last Came the gladness and peace,CAME THE RADIANCE FAIR! For Christmas is always WHEN JESUS IS THERE! (author unknown)

Special thanks to renee for sharing...

a Martin Update...

2011-12-21T12:46:00.001-08:00

I don't have much time but i wanted to update you all on how things are going with my sweet new nephew.

-his name is Martin Conrad Ezekiel Kuhn... Kayla named him after our Dad to honor him and to give him a legacy (there is a really cool story behind that that maybe i will share sometime with everyone.) Kayla added Ezekiel in there because it means strong and it's a name from the Bible... because dad was a man of God.

-He seriously is super easy going and snugly

- Kayla is really taking on to caring for him. She is even breast feeding!!!! And both of them are getting down a system. I'm praying that this will last and that Kayla will keep herself healthy to keep breastfeeding... so far she is 100 percent committed to learning how to care for a child.

- I got to be there for the birth and i even cut the cord!!!! Mom was able to watch the whole thing via-skype as well... so it was exciting for all and it helped kalya through labor to be able to see mom and talk to her.

-I left her yesterday down in tillamook so i could move all of her stuff up here and get things settled for her to stay with us for a few weeks. I'm picking her up this evening and she will be staying with us until we get an apartment set up for her and Martin. We are praying that she really is able to care for him like she desires to and we are trying our best to give her every opportunity to do that.

I have a few prayer requests...

That Matt and I will remain patient with her and the Lord will fill us with wisdom in every situation with her.

Most of all please pray that God would speak to her heart and that she would choose to come back to Him. She excepted Christ when she was young but when she became a teenager she decided that she wanted to have "fun". I really feel like her turning from the Lord is the root of a lot of her issues.

THANK YOU, i appreciate prayers so much! Lots to do, may you have a blessed week before Christmas and I will talk to you soon!!!!

And i know you want to see more pictures... here is a few of him and of Kayla.

Martin

2011-12-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to our world

2011-12-19T17:19:00.000-08:00

My nephew was born today at 3:30pm. He weighs 6 pounds 9 ounces and he is 20 inches long. Everyone is doing well! Prayers are GREATLY appreciated.

December 19th 2003

2011-12-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

He has been my husband for 8 years...

And he is the most precious gift the Lord has ever given me.

2011-12-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

At the hospital with my little sister. She is in labor, please pray for us right now.....

2011-12-12T21:45:00.000-08:00

I ordered a book on apraxia because i am convinced that is what Daniel's disability is. I am 4 chapters in and i am now 100 percent sure that is that it is.
"Becoming Verbal with Childhood Apraxia" by Pam Marshalla.
Great book! It has ideas and tips on how to get your apraxic child to vocalize and imitate.
I feel relief.
I feel an overwhelming sense of burden for him and the task of getting him to vocalize.

but overall...
I KNOW I'M RIGHT!

Not sure why the "specialist" over here won't diagnose it.. they tell me he is to young to tell, BUT all of the people i have been in touch with who have apraxic children just like daniel, well their children where diagnosed at 2-3 years of age. hmm... maybe it's just the west coast? Because all of these people i am talking to are either on the east coast, or in Australia or Europe.

Because i feel like talking about me...

2011-12-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't start drinking coffee regularly until i was pregnant with Joshua. Everyday at 3pm i would go to the "oasis" (my colleges old deli type restaurant on the other side of the cafeteria at the time) and get a small coffee and sit and read readers digest or whatever i could get my hands on and wait for Matt to get off of work. It's hard to believe that was a little over 7 years ago. When we moved back down to the states and i had Joshua i didn't really start back up drinking coffee, everyday again until Elijah was born. Now i love having my coffee everyday. And i'm a little bit of a snob now when it comes to coffee... more specifically i like coffee from costa rica. Either that or anywhere from central america. i can taste the difference....

I love the color blue. I also appreciate a very deep purple. Besides that i'm a neutrals girl.

I HATE JEANS WITH A PASSION. Hate them... loath them.... but I LOVE JEAN SKIRTS. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM! Which is terrible because i home school, and i love Jesus which comes with this strange stigma that if i love Jesus and i homeschool then i'm one of THOSE moms who wears jean skirts, or even homeschool mom dresses. You know the ones i am talking about.... does the name debbie mum pop up any pictures in your head?

Not that i don't think her stuff is cute, especially when i was 12, but now, i can't imagine bringing myself to wear a jumper dress with a fabric designed by debbie mum all over me. And i am so sorry if i have offended anyone who does dress this way! Okay... i explain to much! My point is that I love jean skirts, but the type that are not from back in the early 90's... well at least i would like to think my jean skirt is stylish.
Which brings me to another point... i've worn holes in my jean skirt so i am now on to find another!

Which bring me to another skirt rant... you see the skirt i am wearing in this picture.

It's shameful really. It's downright horrid. Actually i don't really like this picture but whatever, i'm holding a REALLY HEAVY turkey and it's HOT. okay so anyway... this skirt, is really not a skirt. It's really a dress... a maternity dress pulled down to skirt level. And you aren't imagining those spots. No those spots are bleach stains. Many a family member and friend have tried oh so hard to get me to get rid of this skirt, but it's SO COMFY and lovely that i just can't part with it. I know it looks terrible.. but... i just can't get rid of it piece of clothing.

I cannot wear socks the right way. Like i have to wear them inside out.. the seams and the fuzzy drives me CRAZY.... which brings me to another confession that you probably wish you never knew but hey, i'm gonna tell you. you ready for it.. i feel the same way about my underwear. inside out is the best. yep... i'm crazy, not my bras of course, but my underwear. HELLO WORLD, I AM POSTING THIS FOR ALL TO SEE ON THE INTERNET.

I think it is confirmed, i am crazy.

I love the smell of cinnamon. Fall and winter time always bring out my favorite candle smells.

i started reading a book a few days before my dad was diagnose with bone cancer. I brought it with me on my trips back home and read while i was there. I still haven't finished it. I'm not sure if i will finish it. Every time i pick it up i can only read a paragraph or two. It's a good book, but i just can't read much at a time. It's a fictional book, you may have heard of it. It is called "Inkheart". I picked it up when i saw it at the goodwill, i knew our boys would probably enjoy reading it someday. Matt has already gone through all three books of the series. I wonder if i'll ever be able to finish the first book.

I cry randomly sometimes... out of nowhere. Matt will catch me and he will ask me if i am thinking about mom. I just say yeah and change the subject. Sometimes i am thinking about her and her loss, but it seems like the times that matt sees me crying and he asks if i am thinking about mom, i am really thinking about my pain and hurt over Marty's passing.

I stayed in bed today until 10am! It was GLORIOUS! and it's 11:15 and i am still in my p.j.'s! Wonderful... i should really get dressed and pick up my two boys from grandma's house.... because she picked Joshua and Elijah up for a sleepover last night! And the really amazing part... she said that she hopes that Daniel will want to sleep over someday too! :) I have been dreaming of this for the past 7 years... THANK YOU JESUS! Grandma Crume now asks for the boys to come sleepover! yayayayayayayayaaaayyyyyyy

If i had to pick i would say "Return to me" is my favorite movie. Next to that i would say that "while you where sleeping" and "father goose" are right up there. Speaking of father goose, which you MUST SEE if you have never seen before, cary grant is one of my favorite actors. I was on this cary grant kick when i was pregnant with Joshua and borrowed all of the cary grant movies that the library had on stock. Another of my favorite cary grant movies are "north by northwest" and another one with Audry Hepburn... charade.

favorite season... hands down is fall... next winter (but only where it snows) and then spring and then summer. In that order. Here in the northwest i would put winter as the last season because we get so much rain and not very much sun at all.

Bacon over sausage any day. But i do love sausage... with real maple syrup.

Give me a lake or a river over an ocean any day. Except a warm tropical ocean... :)

I love hospitality and having anybody and everybody come and stay with us. Matt, not so much. I mean he doesn't mind family and very close friends, but if it's friends that aren't that close he would rather not.

I am very particular about how my groceries are packed.. for instance i DO NOT like when the bread is put on the bottom of the bag... no joke, that happened to me tonight.

There are two "christian" artists.. actually make it three, that i cannot stand and have to change the station whenever i hear them...
1. Micheal W. Smith...
2. Point of Grace (or any girl group like them. )
3. Rebecca ST.James...

I complain WAY TO MUCH...

I dislike when people try to mix friendship and business. I appreciate some friends like missy who have a business, but do not push it on thier friends. I have a friend who is currently startign a new business and it's getting to the point of being offending. I'm not to sure how to confront this person because she isn't that close of friend, so i'm just not sure how to go about it. But she obviously is crossing some lines.

So there are some randoms for you about me. I've probably shared some before, and there are probably some you never knew.

Giving

2011-12-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

Okay i just had to jump in on all this talk about gifts and Christmas and the hoopla that surrounds it.
I shared before how i feel about giving and money spending. I want to share again. So if you can stomach another post about gifts and money spending, here you are.

If you know me very well you have heard me say many times that I would rather spend money on starving children in Africa then buy something, like a new couch. Not that getting a brand new couch is a sin, but for our family it is a very strong conviction to have as little as possible and to get second (third or fourth) hand things. I think that as Americans we generally spend money terribly and tend to mistake our wants with our needs and not look at the bigger picture. On the flip side, as great as always wanting to feed the poor and sick and needy sounds, I think, there can actually be a danger in it. I think Jesus really lays out a great example of the way that we spend our money and the heart behind it.
For example, the story of the woman who anointed the Lord with expensive perfume. It's not only a great story of the compassion and love of our lord, but also a great example of spending. For those of you who may not know the story or are a bit rusty I've included the passage at the bottom for you to read. My favorite part of the story is Jesus' reaction to the people present when they where commenting on how the money could of been put to better use.
"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me.
This woman came before the lord and loved on him and showed him her love the best way she could think how, by pouring expensive perfume on him and anointing him! I personally think that He felt blessed by such love and thoughtfulness. I take that passage to heart and think about how it blesses people to love on them. Yes it cost money to bring people out to dinner, it cost money to put together care packages and to send them, and that money that you spent on that one meal or care package could keep a child alive and healthy for a whole month... BUT the fact is that by spending that money and loving that person in a way you know will bless them, it's as equally a blessing as feeding a starving child in Africa. I think there needs to be a perspective, it's OKAY to spend money on people to love on them because you are being a blessing and doing something beautiful for them. Of course I'm still all for feeding starving children in Africa... but maybe the next time you have a bit of extra cash and you really want to be a blessing and serve the Lord with your finances, send an encouraging note and a small package to a friend. That is sharing Jesus love just as much as buying a meal for a hungry child. It's all in our heart and how we perceive it.

Mark 14:1-9
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
1Now the Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread were only two days away, and the chief priests and the teachers of the law were looking for some sly way to arrest Jesus and kill him. 2"But not during the Feast," they said, "or the people may riot."
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages[a] and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."

Contradictions

2011-12-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

I am feeling empowered.
I am feeling like I don't have the strength.
I feel like I don't really care.
I feel like I care too much.
I feel like I don't care enough.
I feel like I am doing to much.
I feel like I am not doing enough.
I want to give everybody everything that they want.
I want to just give up.
I want to press on.
I want to stay in bed, ignore my children and watch movies all day.
What I just said that? Yep... Because a part of me does.
I love my kids.
I can't stand being away from them.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
I wish more people would talk to me
I bet people who read this are going to think I'm crazy.
Especially my mother, who happens to read my blog every once in a while.
Man I love my mom, but it's like she is still reading my diary.
That's right mom, you know you are a snoop...
I just wrote a very not to loving letter to an old friend, I was frustrated that it wasn't sending and now I'm thankful it didn't send.
No it wasn't to you... Trust me.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like things are actually going pretty well.
I warned you... Contradictions....
Are you having fun yet?
I promise you I'm not crazy... Well I don't think I am...
Maybe I should go to bed...
GOODNIGHT!

2011-12-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

we were playing a game tonight of stop and go. I was jumping around the house with Daniel saying "jump jump jump" and then i would say "stop". We do games like this quite often to hopefully get Daniel to imitate us in speech. The other boys joined in and Joshua decided to draw a picture to help Daniel even more.. he drew a stop light of sorts for Daniel...

jump , do not jump

Oh how i love my children :)

2011-12-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

guess what...

i'm excited...

you know why????

BECAUSE...

JOSHUA

CAN

READ!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-05T16:23:00.000-08:00

I heard this song and i started bawling... love it... It's called "She's With Me" by collin raye. But i am going to change up the lyrics a bit to "he's with me" so it fits our family a little better. SO here is the song.

he's with me

I proudly tell the maitre de as we arrive
He seems surprised
In a clumsy moment as he looks for room,
A table stares, and their eyes show only pity
as they try to sympathize
Oh, how difficult that must be, look away
Day after day, they'll never see, the joy you bring
Only happy at the times I know that he's with me

I wear it like a badge of honor at the mall
I hear him call, the only way that he is able with a cry
Time to go bye bye, he can't say why
Maybe tired, maybe hurting, god I wish that I could tell
Do I ever make him happy for awhile
To see him smile, makes my week,
Though he can't speak,
he let's me know he feels my love when he's with me

I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a mom
How could I be the one you chose to care for our boy
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share his light
Though it's such a painful road we walk each day
Lord you have your ways, this I pray
On the day I stand before you, he'll stand right by my side
When you look upon me, head hung down in shame
I'll feel the blame, he'll look at me,
And then he'll speak, in that precious voice
Don't worry 'bout her my lord, cuz you see,
she's with me

2011-12-04T14:36:00.000-08:00

He doesn't enjoy shooting the deer, but it fills the freezer. And I'm just so proud of him for bringing home the bacon.. err i mean the venison.

Joshua was pretty excited about the deer asking all sorts of questions and making observations about the deer. I think one day he will go hunting with Matt, though i tell him now how it's not fun to kill an animal and it's sad, but they provide us with food to fill our tummies and that is why we hunt. Hopefully as he gets older he will keep that spirit and understanding that it's not for fun to hunt, it's for food.

3 years later...

2011-12-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

I was at a garage sale over three years ago and I saw this.....

For 20 dollars. Now at the time Joshua was only 3, but I was pregnant with Elijah and I knew someday... I would regret passing up on this amazing deal. Lagos are EXPENSIVE and this was a whole garbage bag FULL of them!( they were soon transferred into this tub...it is one of those very large tubs and the lego's are actually about a foot deep, you can't tell in this picture.) For 20 measly dollars! So this is the year... I dug them out, Joshua is now ready and this Christmas he is going to be showered with Lego's... I just found a transformer in the bin.. It's like digging through buried boy treasure.

So the moral of this story... If you see a garbage bag full of Lego's and you have three sons, BUY IT. 20 dollars well spent even though it's been in storage for 3 years!

currently reading...

2011-11-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

I've been reading the book " The Ministry of Motherhood - following Christ's example in reaching the hearts of our children" by Sally Clarkson. So far it's a great book. She uses the word GIFTS as an acronym to help remember the spiritual priorities in training children.

G- represents the gift of grace
I- represents the gift of Inspiration
F- represents the gift of faith
T represents the gift of training

I just finished the gift of grace and I am moving on to the gift of inspiration. I like her writing style, and i can easily relate to it. I'm just going to share some quotes from the book that stood out to me. There are MANY MANY more, but i don't want to write out the whole book.

"to God, relationships are always top priority"

"If I want them to be open to my messages, I need to be willing to serve them- to voluntarily give up my rights and my time to meet their felt needs- just as Jesus was willing to give for his disciples."

" I realize my love and service to them must come before any of my great words, my teaching and training. My time, my attention, my "soft-tickling"- even when i am tired or have other "important" things on my mind- is what builds our relationship and prepares them to listen to what i have to say. Only then, once wells of their need are filled with the grace of being loved, will my words to them about God's grace finally make sense. "

"Maturity in Christ is not instantaneous. but a slow process."

" it is gracious forgiveness that enables us all to move past our mistakes and keep on growing. Even more important, it is forgiving grace that makes real love possible in our lives."

"This is an important word to us as parents. Sometimes we feel that we need to play the role of Holy Spirit in our children's lives and impose great guilt on them so they will be hesitant to sin anymore."

I'm using this book right now as a study. I like how the author uses each chapter and goes through Scripture and the life of Christ as her model to parenting and outline to her book. If you are looking for a book to read on motherhood, i highly recommend this one.

all about advent

2011-11-29T14:18:00.001-08:00

So since my bloggy friends are posting about advent and how they like to celebrate it, i thought i would share how we celebrate advent around here. A few years ago my blog friends where talking about how they celebrated advent. Growing up i remember going to an advent celebration at my church, but nothing more then that. I always longed to figure out a way for my children to really anticipate the arrival of Jesus' birthday and the full weight of what that meant to humanity. In the beginning of our Christmas celebrations i started a tradition of reading what is now my favorite Christmas book on Christmas eve. (my birthday, Jesus birthday)After we read the story we have birthday cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus. But i wanted more. So last year after looking around at different traditions we decided on the Jesse tree. There are a few different story lines you can go by, and basically whatever line you go through it all ends on Christ's birth. I like to go with the story of creation, key events and people leading up to Christ and then the whole story with the shepherds and angels and wise men. So each day starting December 1st we read a bible story related to the days topic (like dec. 1st is creation) and then after the story the boys have a special ornament they get to hang on the tree. And Christmas day we get to the birth of Christ. This especially helps my oldest son as he tends to just focus on toys at Christmas time. Anyway.. so that's what we do! :)
Feel free to share your thoughts or your traditions...

2011-11-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

I love the quiet of the night. I use to feel like I wasn't a great mom or so spiritual because I am NOT a morning person and therefore I cannot get up before my children in the morning and have my quiet time. I have now grown enough in my understanding of the way God made me to know that it is best for me not to focus on what I think should be the mold I should fit into. I hear of so many women getting up bright and early spending time with the lord. As much as I love my Jesus , I think he would rather have me sleeping in the morning and speaking to me through my dreams. So now, when the house is sleeping and all are tucked in bed, yep, even Matt, I sit in the quiet and my soul rests. The fire glows in the wood stove and keeps me warm as well as bringing peace. It's weird to think that fire can be peaceful... But it is to me. And I'm thankful for it tonight. And the smell of the newly cut Christmas tree.

So I have a little bit of time to share something that I've been thinking about.
During this season of celebration and reflection a lot of families strive to really teach their children the meaning of Christmas. Many have traditions of advent. All of these things are great and should be done, but I just really wanted to share where my heart is on it. We could fill our children up with stories and traditions and church activities and teach them and pray for them to have a good moral character and grow up to serve the lord... But it doesn't start with teaching about advent, it doesn't come from telling about the Christ child who came to take away the sins of the world. It starts at your everyday life. The way you respond to the everyday mundane, the way you respond to unfavorable events, the way you respond to yet another disappointment, the way you deal with disscouragement, the way you speak to your spouse, the way you speak to you children. Showing them grace, love, faith, and all the things you desire your child to have starts with being Jesus to them. You and your spouse are the most tangible form of Jesus that your child will encounter in their early years. And if you really truly desire for your child to see Christ and follow, it needs to start with you and your heart. It needs to start with them seeing you in situatons where you are choosing the let Jesus shine through. So this holiday season while you are wanting your children to focus on the coming of Christ, remember to be Jesus to your child this season.. Show them Grace and mercy, love and faithfulness. And above all, choose to praise God in whatever situation you find yourself in this season. I guarantee you that your child will walk away from this seson of life more with how mommy and daddy treated them then what stories or songs or readings they went through for the season.*

*this post is not meant towards anyone... And really as a reminder to me, I just want to share and I hope that no one felt like I was attacking them personally.

for those of you who have wondered

2011-11-26T20:49:00.000-08:00

I've been talking about Daniel a lot, and for some of you who read this you've never met him or gotten the chance to meet him. So here is a video of Daniel doing his talking and saying hello. I made this video for my mom to thank her for all that she has helped us with in giving Daniel a voice. I took this video tonight and just to let you know his verbalizing is much more then it has been even in the past few weeks. In the end he signs thank you. He does use very basic signs when i ask him to. Joshua jumps in near the end to add his sense of hyperness!

oh and for some reason he has been pointing to his teeth a lot lately and trying to tell me something, not sure if they hurt or what, i guess i trip to the dentist is due... :S

picture post...

2011-11-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

Untie Kayla showing the boys how to make spritz cookies..

shhh... i didn't tell her i used gluten free flour and she said they tasted GREAT! :)

Joshua wants to be a hunter like daddy

painting this years christmas ornamants

Cutting down the tree...

I really dislike cutting down the tree... it is HARD! I'm not sure if i just don't have the grip strength for the sawing or what, but seriously my least favorite part of the whole christmas tree process..

more pictures and thoughts to come later...

Thankgiving!

2011-11-24T11:07:00.001-08:00

Today is our American thanksgiving! It started with my mom calling me at 6 am to tell me that my little sister (who is actually staying with us for the holiday on the other end of the house) was having contractions and to go check on her. So i got out of bed and walked down the hall and sure enough she was having some contractions. So I decided to bring her in, just to be safe. She is only 34 weeks, this is her first holiday season away from mom and Minnesota family and of course as you know we lost dad a few months ago so i think stress kicked it in and also i think she is fighting the flu. We went in and they checked her out and hooked her up. She was having regular small contractions but she wasn't dilated or anything like that and so they gave her some meds to stop contractions. They stopped and after an hour they sent us home. Now she is sleeping and I'm about to wake her up to so she can shower and we can go celebrate thanksgiving with Matt's family. I am thankful today that my nephew is still safe and sound in utero and hopefully sticking in there for at least the next 2 weeks!

Let me just tell you that this is a crazy time and according to all of our circumstances i should be feeling more stressed out then i am, but God has given grace and peace during this time.. and today that is my BIGGEST thanks!

May you have a great day, and not only today, but everyday find God's mercies and blessing in each day and find at least one thing to be thankful for a day.

learning by doing...

2011-11-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

We have a way of homeschooling here that is more relaxed. If there was a homeschooling method that i would say i went by it would be the Charlotte mason homeschooling method. If you are interested in homeschooling and want to know about the Charlotte mason homeschooling method i would recommend the book "A Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on the Gentle Art of Learning"
I just wanted to give you an example of what our schooling looks like.

Today Joshua found a lady bug crawling around the house. So we took the opportunity to look up information about lady bugs. Joshua went right to work making his own lady bug. After observing the ladybug for a while (he caught it and put it in a jar) he came to me and was excited because he discovered the lady bug had wings!!! Joshua actually did most of the work. He was curious about the ladybug and i was able to turn it into a school activity. It was fun and educational and it was him discovering first hand and learning from the world around him. I love this kind of learning for children so young. Work books and textbooks with pictures and information will never be as valuable or as fun as hands on life experience and will never foster curiosity.
I encourage you to look at learning and school a different way, it's much more then textbooks and multiple choice tests.

Finally a major milestone

2011-11-21T21:43:00.000-08:00

I can say with certainty now that Elijah is potty trained! (does anyone else feel like they are talking about a dog when they say " potty trained" ?) yippie... Another out of diapers.... We are diaper free , at least for now....

for all of the doubters...

2011-11-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

this is for all of the people in the beginning of Joshua's diagnosis who gave us no hope.... this is for all the people who treated him like he would never be able to learn or focus...

The video is a little boring... but i just had to share that my little boy does MATH.. and writes out problems...

yes he is holding his pen incorrectly and he writes his numbers backwards often (that's why i kept telling him to look at how the number was written), but these are all things he is working on and getting better at!

Happy Birthday Elijah

2011-11-18T06:10:00.000-08:00

Today he turns 3! And he is such a blessing!
I put together a little picture slide show of the past three years, so enjoy the last three years in a few minutes...

Going through pictures i forgot how chunky of a baby he was! Also psalm 20 is his psalm. I accidentally had it scroll over the first picture! OH WELL!

Girls

2011-11-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

We have been watching two little girls for the past few days. Their mom just had a little boy and her and her husband are recuperating and catching their breath before the 5 of them join together as a family again. I have very much enjoyed having the girls here but there is something that I've realized after this sort time with the girls... I REALLY LOVE HAVING BOYS!!

Oh how I love my boys!

Where i share about the day he died....

2011-11-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

This may not be a post that you will want to read, but it's something that I need to get down so that I can remember as the years wear away the memories.
At the end of July when I got the call from my mom that the results said that Marty had terminal bone cancer I knew that even though they said it would be 6-12 months... i knew it would be sooner. I hung up the phone and bawled and wept. I told Matt and just wept and then I called up my good friends and cried to them. I don't know why but i felt God pressing me and telling me that we needed to go out as soon as possible. Just a few weeks earlier Matt's parents so graciously helped pay for a plane ticket for me to go out and visit my family on labor day weekend. Even though i was going to fly out to Minnesota just over 4 weeks from the time we got the news of the cancer, I felt a overwhelming need to go out with the boys and Matt asap. I had a few friends really feel an urgency that we needed to go out. So two short weeks later, the Lord worked wonders and Matt was able to get a week off of work and we pulled out in the middle of the night for a 30+ hour drive to MN. God was with us, we had NO problems on the drive and the boys did amazing! Really amazing... driving across the country with a 6, 4 and 2 year old seemed like it would be something we would never want to do.. but the drive wasn't so terrible that we are actually considering doing it again next year. We arrived about 3 days after Marty had been released from the hospital. He was still walking around on his own then and he was able to spend time with us visiting. When he came into the kitchen to see me and say hi he just hugged me and he was crying. And i was crying.. i can't ever remember him crying. He wasn't strong physically and he was pretty tired, but the boys were able to give grandpa Marty hugs and see him, and we were able to talk pretty well. I"m so glad we went when we did. Before we left Joshua gave Marty a hug and told him " I'm sorry you are sick grandpa Marty." Marty just said he was just tired, but Joshua could tell he wasn't normal. Before we left Matt and I prayed for him and he in return prayed for us and just spoke love into our lives and just gave a last bit of wisdom to Matt. We gave him a hug and I told him i would see him in two weeks (i had a plane ticket to fly out by myself for labor day, and we decided that i would just keep it.) We left and I had forgotten something in the house so i went back in to grab it and He was just sitting on his chair, reading his bible. He looked so strong and peaceful. And in that moment i just thought, this is how I want to remember you. Now let me go back a little bit to a couple of days before we left to come back home to Washington. I was with mom and she was telling me about a dream that Marty had. He had a dream that he was just in a dark room in chains and in bondage. My mom could tell you better what his dream was, but basically he was in bondage and then there was freedom and open spaces. Instantly the Lord pressed upon me that He was going to give Marty freedom and ultimate healing through death, and that it wouldn't be much longer. I just couldn't tell mom what the impression of the dream was, how do you tell a wife that you feel like God is telling you that her husband is going to die soon? Especially your mother! Let me just tell you that I believe in healing, i believe that God heals fully and completely on earth! He DID heal Marty through his first round of cancer over 7 years ago. I know that my parents were praying for a healing on earth and I know that God IS fully capable of that, but when the diagnosis of bone cancer was given I felt the Lord tell me that it was Marty's time to go home... so is it even right to share that with someone when they are praying so hard for a healing on earth? I've struggled with this a few times... feeling impressed by God that someone is going to pass ( I had a friend who lost a child and I had a dream from the Lord before it happened), and not really knowing what to do with it. DO i say something? Did he give me it to be prepared to love on the people left behind? Am i suppose to pray that event doesn't happen? I just don't know, and i do struggle, but i feel like i am growing in understanding a little more... i just don't understand why he allows me to feel those things sometimes. So when we left Minnesota that day, i really wasn't sure if i would see him on earth again. The two weeks went by slowly... so much happened from the time that we left Minnesota to the time that i flew out again. Marty's condition worsened the night we left. He was back in the hospital the next day and things looked bad. He even had a seiezer and mom thought for sure he was gone. The doctors where surprised that he was still holding on mentally so well. They did more tests and basically told him form that point, a few days after we left MN that he may have as little as a few days left. I'm going to be honest here, and this may sound insensitive, but i didn't want to go back to Minnesota. I didn't want to be there when he died, i didn't want to remember that or see that. I wanted to remember him sitting in his chair, still a little strong, reading his bible connecting with his saviour. Two days before i flew out to MN by myself for labor day weekend, Marty was released from the hospital to home hospice care. My older sister picked me up from the airport. It was late. My parents converted their downstairs into Marty's care room and mom set up a bed down there so she could take care of him because at this point he needed help with everything. He looked so much worse then the two weeks before when i had seen him and he was worse mentally.. mainly because of all the pain meds that he was on because of the bone cancer. He held a conversation for a little bit, but i could tell that he was just tired and hurting. There was no where for me to sleep besides in my parents room, it was so weird sleeping in their room and not having things be normal. The next morning I went down to visit, but i could tell he really wasn't in the mood for company, but mom wanted us to visit to keep him awake before dialysis. My older sister and I went back down with my little niece, but he asked us to leave because he needed quiet. For him that was cranky and he was off. I went with mom to drop him off at dialysis ( he had kidney failure about 5 months previous so he had been doing dialysis.) Mom was so stressed and tired. When we picked him up from dialysis and brought him home, mom was wheeling him across the lawn and he looke4d at me and he asked me " Are you okay?" . He said it differently.. like he was asking me if i was going to be okay that he would be gone soon. We got him in the house and mom got back to work on full time care of him. I spent some time with my sister and we had dinner and watched a movie. I couldn't fall asleep.. it was so hard to fall asleep. I called Matt and talked for a while about the day and how hard it was. And then i tried to sleep and i just couldn't so i wrote my friend an e-mail... here is some of that e-mail..

I can't sleep. It's hard to be sleeping in my parents room. It just feels wrong. I wish i was home. I just feel even more terrible being here because it's so much closer to the stress. Mom doesn't get any sleep because she is taking care of Marty 24-7. He won't let any of us really help.. he'll just say he doesn't need anything and then ask for mom. And it's not like you can talk about anything really because conversations last about 2 sentences over the span of 5 minutes. So... it's just hard. I really want to spend time with mom because i know she needs a break, but she can't leave Marty because again he needs the 24-7 care. Anyway... i should probably try to sleep.

About 10 minutes after i wrote this e-mail i was laying in bed just crying out to God. I was crying for my mom, I was crying for Marty. For all the pain and hardship and how hard he was still clinging to this world when i just felt like God was calling him home. And I was just crying and asking God to bring Marty home and to bring him relief and freedom and COMPLETE healing. And then i was crying that i was even feeling that way that he would be taken away. About 5 minutes after that the phone rang... and i knew mom had called tha advice nurse and the nurse was calling back. I went down to check on how things where going and asked if mom needed any help and asked her what was going on. Marty had a nose bleed earlier in the night and now he had severe congestion that was just getting worse. Mom asked me to come in and pray with Marty. SO I knelt down and started praying outload and Marty uttered out "HEALING", he wanted me to pray for healing. So i prayed that the lord would heal him and bring comfort. To ease his pain and give peace. Mom and I prayed. Marty lifted up his hands and was praising the Lord and adding him prayers when he could through the congestion. And then we started reading from the psalms and all over the place. Words of comfort and of healing and peace and the Lord drawing near. He really wanted to hear Psalm 91. We read that a few times between different scriptures. I even busted out into "as a deer" ... I'm not a great singer, but it just felt like a good thing to sing. He was just lifting his hands in praise loving his saviour. He just wanted us to keep reading. I had to pee so bad.. i was peeing ever 10 minutes. I think I pee under stress. So one of the very last things that i read to him was this passage...

Isaiah 55:8-13

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”

And as I read this passage I KNEW he was going home soon. I knew that Marty would not be returning to the Lord void. He impacted so many for the kingdom of Christ. When i read this part of the verse i just knew God was speaking through it that it would be the way he would be going into the arms of Jesus
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Marty loved thunderstorms.. and there was one that night, and shortly after he passed there was a clap of thunder that made me think about this passage i had read to him earlier and i was thinkign about the trees clapping thier hands and dancing.. it just seemed right.
So i finished reading a little and again had to pee. While i was gone Marty said his last words on this earth. He told my mom that he was free.. and to lift up your hands and praise the Lord. He was praising Jesus for as long as his earthy body would let him. Shortly before he lost his ability to speak she asked him if we should call my brother and wake up my older sister, but he said no. Shorty after he stopped talking mom looked at me and asked if we should wake up Shawna, and i thought we should. SO we woke her up and we decided to call my brother. We knew that it could be a few days with him in the stae we was, but we didn't want to take chances. So my brother nick arrived shortly. And we all sat there and decided to read to him psalm 91 again because he was pretty agitated. we had nick (my brother) read. He was pretty choked up reading it, but Marty calmed down when Nick was reading. We then tried to make him as comfortable as we could as he had slide down his special chair a little bit and looked uncomfortable. I think one of the coolest times of the night was seeing my older sister get down on her knees and start praying and calling out to the Lord for relief and healing for Marty. I had never seen or heard my sister pray, so it was just such a cool thing to be able to hear her talk to her creator. After a little bit of that we all relaxed and started talking about past vacations and fun times together. Marty then started breathing like he had fallen asleep. Which was a relief because he had finally calmed down a little bit. We knew he was sleeping because he was snoring. Oh how he would snore... you could hear the man the next state over! Mom slept with earplugs for their whole marriage and i am pretty sure she will probably sleep with earplugs the rest of her days on earth as well! So we knew he was sleeping by the snoring. And then he breathed his last breath... and we were all there, mom, shawna, me and Nick... and we were holding his hands. We told him that we would take care of mom and that we loved him. I wanted to say " Tell Jesus hello for me and give him a hug and tell him i can't wait to see him" but it seemed strange at the time.. but that's what i was thinking. Something else that i want to share quick before i go on.. that might gross you out so shik this next small paragraph if you can't read about blood and stuff...

The bloody nose was a sign that Marty had started basically bleeding to death. His platelets were so low. So near the end what was causing the congestion was actually blood running down his throat into his lungs. Mom was so calm... she lovingly wiped the blood from him mouth when it started coming out, and she was also using a thing to squeeze out the blood from this mouth. What an act of love... anyway.. I just had to share that, some may think that may be to much, but i had to share.

So after he passed, mom pulled out her bible and told us how God brought her and Marty together (which i had already known but i loved hearing) and really just testifying to the love of Christ.
And after he passed, i knew why i couldn't fall asleep that night. And I knew why he wanted me to be out there for my Dad's passing. God wanted me to see that incredible man on faith pass into eternity and to witness the last few hours that he had on earth. I felt so blessed to spend that last few hours as a family. I felt so blessed that i was able to be there to help support my family. It was like it was when we first became a family. The 5 of us. Marty was a gift from God to our family. God used Marty to bring my mom to the Lord and to bring our family out of a place with no hope.
God's timing is incredible. The plane ticket for me to fly out to Minnesota on the weekend that Marty left this life was booked BEFORE we knew about the terminal bone cancer... in fact it was 2 weeks before we knew about the cancer that I had booked the tickets. He died on September 3rd.. at 5 in the morning. That weekend is so full of so many different events and feels like a lifetime within itself. But for now.. i will leave this already much to long post for now. If you have hung on long enough to even get to this point, thank you reader, whoever you are of going down this journey with me. I hope that I have not depressed you or made you feel sad by my experience of loosing the man God put in my life as my father. I hope that you can come away from the post KNOWING that God has an ultimate plan of love and faithfulness and that He is GOOD and FAITHFUL, and though life and moments can fade away, His Glory and Love last forever. I am eternally blessed and grateful for all He is and has done in my life and I KNOW that He holds me heart and my days in His hands and that I will see my dad again some day and I know he has a purpose for Marty's passing at this time.

Imitation and an ipad update

2011-11-08T07:36:00.001-08:00

Getting Daniel to imitate noise is a very hard task. For instance, if we were playing a game and i was barking like a dog and wanted him to bark like a dog he just has never done it. He as well has never been able to babble back at me or engage in any games where imitating would be involved.
On Sunday i found an app. for the ipad that is made for children to make noise. It is called tiga talk. The game is all voice activated... so if Daniel wants to do anything in the game he has to make a noise and imitate the character on the game. For Daniel to fly the rocket ship he would have to copy the character who is telling him to say "B" ... so once Daniel says "B B B" the rocket ship will start moving. It been so great because i have NEVER seen him imitate so much, and it's so fun to see him connecting that his voice has an effect. The app doesn't differentiate between sounds very well, but that's okay. The main point is just to get Daniel making noise, practice making sound and to be comfortable with it. Only a few days and having the ipad has already opened him up in the speech department.

The program that i found for his communication board and choice boards, is working out really well and he is understanding how to use it. It will be a couple weeks until he is using it full time for requests, but for now i am teaching him how to use the program mainly at meal times.

It's so fun to see Daniel excited about communicating and making noise! :D I just love giving him a voice! Thank you Jesus for the people who invent such terrific devices that enable people like my wonderful son to connect with others! I just wish that i had unlimited funds and all the time in the world to give EVERYONE with communication issues an ipad and teach them how to use it.

I still can't believe he's gone....

2011-11-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

2011-11-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few days playing with Daniel's new ipad. There are so many cool programs, and after spending hours shifting through reviews and different functions I went with the app. icommunicate for Daniel's main communicating needs right now. I wish you all could see this thing! I'm so excited to give Daniel a voice!!!! :)

Now for a few pictures...

Matt is endevoring on building a top secret project that has to do with a speed boat... Elijah thinks it's pretty cool...

It's a good thing that our chickens are so friendly and don't mind the boys...

I hope you my reader are having a great weekend..

until next time...

results

2011-11-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today went very well. we were up and out of the house at 6:15am. Both of us are not morning people so it was a miracle that we were as functioning as we were this morning. We hit some traffic but found where we needed to be in time. I'm not going to go on and on about the little details because i just don't want to bore you with all of the language, so I'll give you the basics. After a day of testing and asking me questions the experts have officially diagnosed Daniel with the following...

Developmental Coordination Disorder- Basically children with DCD have difficulty mastering simple motor activities, such as tying shoes or going down stairs, and are unable to perform age-appropriate academic and self-care tasks. Some children may experience difficulties in a variety of areas while others may have problems only with specific activities. Children with DCD usually have normal or above average intellectual abilities. However, their motor coordination difficulties may impact their academic progress, social integration and emotional development. You can read more about DCD here.

next we have...

Global Developmental Delay

Simply put Global developmental delay means that a child is developing more slowly than other children of the same age in all areas of development. So really it's just a fancy term to say that Daniel is developing behind his peers.

And lastly ...

Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder
Basically a fancy term for saying that Daniel is delayed in his speech communication and his understanding of language adn they have no idea why. Here is a website that explains it.

As for the childhood apraxia of speech, otherwise known as dyspraxia, the speech therapist said that Daniel does exhibit signs that that disability could very well be the issue, BUT he is to young to really give him that label just yet. They did encourage us to pursue the route of treating him like he did have apraxia. But they did say that at his age it's just to hard to diagnose properly.

So what does it all mean and how are we going to approach the next step? So the experts recommend more speech therapy and also that we need to add occupational therapy to his routine. They said that OT will help develop his fine motor skills as well as other areas that need strengthening. The also recommended that we get him into rock climbing! I wonder if insurance will pay for that since it is therapy. :)
On the speech front the next step is to introduce an electronic communication device to augment his speech. The speech therapist HIGHLY recommended that we get him a IPAD as they have many apps specifically for speech development. She showed me a ton of programs and i was convinced. Daniel's teachers at his school are already starting to implement it into his therapy there, so it just makes sense. Here is an article that talks about using the ipad as a speech therapy resource. I'm excited... i really think Daniel is going to really advance with something to help him communicate and he already does so well with electronics and figuring things out. God totally blessed us and we are being provided with one for FREE! THANK YOU JESUS. Because they are not cheap!

How am I feeling? Actually pretty good. It was funny because through the whole thing and them asking me questions, i just reminded myself that they don't know me, or how hard i work with my children or how much i love them. So i wasn't offended at all through it. And when it came time for them to tell me their findings, i was not surprised at all (i didn't think i would be because i already know he is behind) and it just gave me more confirmation on how to proceed. Though i always walk away from the specialist feeling sad that they really won't ever get to see the depth of beauty that my child possesses that i get to see. Nor do they look at his spirit and who he is in Christ, because really, that's the biggest part of the picture. And when I am thinking about Daniel and thinking about who he will be as he grows up and the people he will meet I am thinking about who Christ has made him to be and what great things God has planned for him. :)

What about schooling? Are you going to homeschool him? How much therapy will he be in? I love the program he is in right now and he will be able to stick with it until summer next year. After that there is nothing that i have found that i like therefore we will be full time homeschooling. IN all honesty they recommended that we seriously UP his therapy, but i disagree a little. I think it would be worse for him to be running ALL OVER the place to different "specialist" when a lot of what they do i could implement at home on a schedule and less stressed basis. I will be pursuing more therapy options for him but they will be home based as in the therapist comes to us at home and i just learn more about what needs to be done to help him myself. No i am not an OT or ST.. BUT if given the tools i can do a lot of work with him on a consistent and fun basis while still working with the specialist.

One more thing they recommended is that they want to send him to another clinic that will do even more indepth testing to rule out the possibility of autism. So they are sending in a referral for that and it will be about 9 month until we can get in for that. We are going to go through with it unless we change our minds before the 9 months comes up!

Whew.. so that's it for now.. I am tired and ready for a nice hot bath and maybe a little down time! NIGHT ALL! and THANK YOU for all of your prayers. I will most definitely keep you updated on how everything is going!

Tomorrow

2011-10-31T22:17:00.001-07:00

It's the big day tomorrow... the day that the professionals tell us exactly why they think our 5 year old son is still not talking... So if you think of us, pray for us tomorrow. It's going to be an all day thing and it will just be me and Daniel, so i could use the extra lifting up in prayer.

Kid History

2011-10-30T20:41:00.001-07:00

We were over at a friends house and they showed us this hillarious video... seriously.. the most funny thing i've seen in a while.

questions, and waiting for answers

2011-10-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

Do you have to put a barrier up when your children eat so they can't see each other?

I know this seems a little extreme but for some reason whenever Daniel looks over at Elijah eating he gags and starts to throw up and cry. I think it may be because Elijah is SO messy when he eats...

Something that I've really had to remind myself of lately is that mothering is a high calling and the way that i raise my children can bring many people to Christ. John Wesley said: “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.”

I'm looking for a good book on mothering to read. Anyone have any suggestions?

The other day i was going though my closet and I pulled out a doll to help teach my little sister how to change diapers before her baby is born. Elijah saw the doll and picked her up and said " it's my baby!" And then he laid the baby down and said " You're poopy, it's time to change your diaper." It was just so interesting to watch because neither of the boys have been interested in babies before. I mean i guess i never really encouraged it because they are boys and we really don't have dolls around.. more like super heroes. After being excited about Elijah playing with a doll "typically" (as in a child normally developing) I had to ask myself if it was okay that he was playing with a doll. I mean after all.. he is a boy... is that okay for him to be playing with a baby doll? I decided that there was really no harm in it in, though i was concerned that Matt would be against it. To my surprise he was alright with it (this is the guy that won't let me spike the boys hair) and said that it would help him be a good dad someday. It's not like he is dressing the doll up and trying to feed it. He was more like wrestling with it and smacking it's head on the ground as he drags it around. What do you think about boys playing with baby dolls?

Daniel's test next week for an official diagnosis. I got a call today for a confirmation of appointment time and they told me to be there at 8:15 am and not expect to be out of it until ,at least 2:15pm. 6 hours of testing! OY!!!! I'm gonna need some strong coffee that morning because in order to get there we are going to have to leave at 6:15am!!!! And Daniel is not an earlier riser. He is my only child who would rather sleep in any day then get up early. I think he takes after me in that aspect. My other two boys pop out of bed like daisies! I know this sounds strange but I'm looking forward to the day. It will be good to get professionals opinion on Daniel's struggles. I'm ready for it. On anther note related to the diagnosis day, it is over half of what we thought it would cost, AND our insurance is paying 80 percent of the cost, so that's a relief.

On the subject of Daniel, we've been working on visual aids with him lately. It has been going really well and he is picking up on it. I've done then on and off over the years with no real success and just frustration and extra work, but it seems like this time it is cutting back on work and making communication easier. And working on the visual aids now (commonly known as the picture exchange system) will help him in the future if he is physically unable to speak and he needs a communication device. You can read about communication devices and how they help here.

Joshua's homeschooling is coming along well and he is picking up on so many things! I am just so proud of him!!!! :)

Lately we've discovered that Elijah loves puzzles! He will sit for hours putting puzzles together and singing and talking to himself. It's so fun to watch him!

Though he has been a bit of a whiny child lately... for instance he took out daddy's tools and was told very kindly to put them away and it turned into a dramatic experience for him.

There is a season of uncertainty coming up soon with the birth of my little sisters child. Prayer would be appreciated that God would give us wisdom and counsel on how to best do what he wants us to do in such a unique situation.

And the last thing i have for you tonight is for Maria... a picture of Dottie

2011-10-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

I love when she comes to visit. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. We all love her so much.

More weekend fun

2011-10-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

Renegade ended up tasting pretty good for our Canadian thanksgiving meal...

home grown yumminess

More hiking pictures... we were pushing over dead trees.. so i showed off and knocked over this huge tree... :)

well maybe not but it made a fun picture! There is a funny video of me trying to push over a tree and needing matt's help... but maria has that in her camera!

And of course.. love my man!

and who could ask for a better friend!

weekend with the Kults

2011-10-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

A few pictures from a weekend with the Kults!

Forever friends...

2011-10-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

I love how she will fly across the country to visit... even though she hates flying... and today she arrived....

And I'm so excited for this weekend!

Pumpkin Picking with friends

2011-10-10T19:44:00.001-07:00

2011-10-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

Joshua decided to have a dance party the other day while i was listening to music and folding laundry, so i had to catch it. Matt decided to join in... you can tell where Joshua gets him moves from!

My Little Warriors

2011-10-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

I repost this ever so often mainly as a reminder to me.. but also as an explination to you, my reader, whoever you may be on my perspective of my boys.

my five year old warrior

I watch my five year old warrior lower himself into the steaming tub where mr.bubble ministers to the wounds my son has suffered in battle today. His arms bear the scratches from the apple tree he scaled, and both knees are streaked with bloody reminders of his encounter with the sidewalk while charging on his trusty bike. Gently i towel down his bruised thighs, dotted with bites from relentless mosquitoes. With vigor I rough up his sun bleached hair and shoo him into his room where he dresses himself for bed. A story, a prayer, a hug and a kiss. My brave warrior closes his eyes, and i stand back, marveling that this long, sturdy body, lying lumpy beneath the covers, once fit in my arms and nursed at my breast. Many summer nights, just like this one, I rocked him. For hours I rocked and i sang and I prayed. Oh, how i prayed! I close his door softly. My soldier needs sleep. Tomorrow great battles will be fought... in the sandbox, on his skateboard, with the neighborhood kids. He will return to me, bloodied and bruised, and there will be so little I can do. I have no power over scraped knees and stubbed toes. But the real battle- the one not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers of the air- has already begun in his young life. And in that battle, i am the warrior. I pray. Oh, how i pray! that God will have the ultimate victory. - Robin jones Gunn

2011-10-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

I was the most horrible cranky mother today. The boys pushed all of my buttons and every request was met with strong resistance. It might have to do with the fact that i'm tired, it might have to do with the fact that I am slightly worried about something that could potentially be a very serious and scary health issue (which i may talk about tomorrow.. not sure) . Maybe it's because I'm in a state of grieving for life lost and it's strange changes. But i don't want to just explain away my irritability towards my children, I need to treat them with more love and patience and I need to keep calm and self controlled. I was very far from self controlled.. but they are resilient and so forgiving. I pray that they only grow with that and it will strengthen through the years.
I appreciate their personalities.. they are just SO intense.. I mean REALLY intense. I was praying out loud to the Lord today and i was asking him " WHY GOD, Did you give me 3 boys?.. why not 3 girls or at least 1 girl?" And then i was quiet and i heard Joshua from his room say.. " we are 3 boys.. one, two , three." And i know that he heard me. I love them.. but boy oh boy... litterly... sigh. It was just one of those days... Maybe tomorrow will be better...

getting ready...

2011-10-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

This year we are celebrating thanksgiving twice. First with our good friends Alfie and Maria for a Canadian thanksgiving, and then again for American thanksgiving. We butchered our turkeys now so they will be ready to go when the time comes.. and they had already hit their full grown weight, so they were ready! Honestly i'm glad that i have a few weeks between the butchering and the eating part...

My Mother

2011-09-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

Let me just tell you that she is such a strong woman in the Lord. Her faith is strong and steady and I would not be the woman I am today without her example of determination, faith, and grace. She is my inspiration and I hope to one day be at least half the mom to my kids that she is to me. I know that she feels like she put us through a lot when we were little, but in all honesty, i wouldn't have changed a thing in who she is. Life hasn't been easy for her, but she is so strong and so gentle and loving and faithful.
I love her so much and I know that this time is not easy for her and my heart breaks for the loss of her best friend. I'm just so in awe of her steadfast trust in the Lord and how she is pressing into Him during this time.
I love you Mom.

2011-09-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

Their eyes lit up when i took it out to fly. I remember having that same feeling.

I remember going to the park getting excited to see the colors soaring high above me.

It always hung in the garage waiting for a special free day, full of wind. And now it sits in my closet waiting for the same thing. I remember Marty bringing me to the park to fly it, just me and him. I use to think it was so big, and really the coolest kite ever. Today as it was soaring above us I was sad that my boys will never get to fly this kite with their grandpa Marty, or shoot off rockets or do any of the fun memorable things that he always did with me...

But at least i have the memory, and i can savor these moments with my children, making memories and knowing some day they are going to look back on these memories hopefully with the same fondness that i look back on mine with.

Sunday randoms

2011-09-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

we will have a warm winter...

It's all about the frosting...

not to fancy this year, but still cute...

I saw this picture in the thrift store and it made me think of the Dawn Treader, so i couldn't resist and now it has a home in the boys bathroom. I must admit that every time i see it i expect water to come spilling out and to be transported into the world of Narnia. If you have never read " The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", you should...

Happy Birthday!

2011-09-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

I put together a little video movie for Daniel's birthday. The pictures aren't really in order, but it's still fun to watch, well at least for me. I am so blessed by this little guy, and though i still haven't heard him say "I love you" in all the 5 years i've known him, i can feel it in every hug and see it in his eyes.

Life today

2011-09-22T20:03:00.000-07:00

I love the changing of seasons. Autumn is by far, in my opinion, the best season of the year. This year it is mixed with a unique sadness and joy. Life really has changed with the seasons this year. With the loss of Marty it's started out rough... but there is hope everywhere. There is so much going on, yet life is slowly moving along. Here is a few of the things going on right now.

- we had a chicken die from infection. Her leg was stepped on by the cow, we did everything we could to keep her wound cleaned and keep her comfrotable, but she still passed away. That was a dissapointment, but life on a farm isn't all roses and long life.

-I'm really enjoying homeschooling this fall. Right now with Joshua i am focusing on what month and day it is so he can grasp the concept of seasons and time. He is catchign on fairly well. And then we are of course working on penmanship (he is gettign very good at writing and he is getting better at reading words as well.. though i only do as much as he is interested in because he is only 6 and i'm one of those people who like starting more formal schooling later in life) we are studying a continent a week and talking about what kind of animals live in that specific continent. And of course we work on numbers and counting. BUt over all my main focus with him is developing CHARECTER... as it will be and is with all of our boys.

- I realized that I haven't shared with you all about my little sister and the whole situation there. I'll have to write a post about that... because right now, she is a big part of our life.

- Daniel is LOVING his therapy school. He actually cries when it's time to come home because he loves being around other kids so much and he loves the structure. It makes me happy to know how much he loves it, but it also makes me a bit sad because after he id done with this specific school program, there really is no good therapy speech schools in our area that i feel comfortable with. But we'll take it a year at a time...

And that just about sums up things here right now... May you enjoy this new season and may it bring joy and blessing and a bountiful harvest of HOPE!

verses

2011-09-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

This is one of the last verses that i read to marty before he went to be with Jesus. And I can't help but think that the mountains and hills were bursting into song, and all the trees of the field were claping their hands as he was brought into the presence of the Lord. Marty loved thunderstorms and shortly after he passed away thunder was rolling, and i just knew that the Lord was delighting in his son coming home.

Isaiah 55:8-13

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”

He didn't have to be

2011-09-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Thank you Kmarie suggesting the country song by brad paisley. I was going to share that is a song that is very near to how things are for me before you even suggested it. So here you are... At the end of the lyrics i'll post the youtube video so you can listen/watch it.

"He Didn't Have To Be"

When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she'd ever meet someone
Who wouldn't find out about me and then turn around and run

I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she'd say yes

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be

I met the girl that's now my wife about three years ago
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin' more
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
Crowded 'round the nursery window as they bring the baby in

And now all of a sudden
It seemed so strange to me
How we've gone from something's missing
To a family
Lookin' through the glass I think about the man
That's standin' next to me
And I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be

Lookin' back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be

Yeah, I hope I'm at least half the dad
That he didn't have to be
Because he didn't have to be
You know he didn't have to be

Stay tuned.. because i want to share with you my amazing mother! Seriously, she is my inspiration and my hero.

We called him Marty

2011-09-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you know a bit about my background and some of you know nothing. In a nutshell, my parents where non-christians, got divorced when i was 2 and my mom was left alone to raise three children. There is a long story about grace and redemption and the awesome power of God in all of this, BUT for now you get the basic backdrop. Now that you know the basics I can move on...

We called him Marty. God put him into our lives at a time where our family was falling apart. He stepped up, chose to follow the Lord and to be a leader to my mom and point her to Jesus. The Lord used him to save my mom from a very hopeless place, and in turn saved our family. After a few years of friendship and then dating they got married when i was 7 years old. I can't remember a time without him. He always was there, constant and loving. A steady rock on shaky ground. My birth dad wasn't around much and was very much a stranger to me, but Marty, he was the man. He wasn't my dad... he was MARTY. In my young heart, Marty meant DAD. The name Marty to me evokes more feels of love and stability then words that are generally associated with a father. Over the years i tried my hardest to call him Dad, or daddy, or papa... but it always felt wrong. Like i was betraying the very core of who he was and that i was implying that he was something less to me. I've told him that many times.. and i know that he understands that I am and always will be his daughter and little girl. I have so many great memories.. maybe not so great for him (like throwing up all over his back while we were taking a walk one day and then screaming "SOMEBODY HELP ME" while he was carying me back to the car)... but to me that's a great memory of love and care and comfort. I owe so much of my choice in a husband to Marty. He showed me the way that a husband should treat a wife. He loved my mother so much... he treated her with so much love and respect. They made such a great team and I would not be the woman i am today without the great parents they made. I love what my older sister said in her speech that she wrote for his funeral and i want to share it with you...

I can’t tell you when the first time I met Marty was, but what I can do is tell you what he was like through my eyes as a dad.

See I was about 11 years old the first time I realized “This guy just is NOT going away!” Mom kept inviting him over, inviting him on outings, even asking him to come over to help me with my math homework. She said “he’s good at math, he knows better than me.” I was like “whatever mom”. All the usual attitude and awfulness that I tried was not working on him. He kept coming back!

As time went on I noticed he wasn’t just being nice because he liked my mom…he actually like us. He cared! And he was kind of Fun too…I mean what is cooler to an 11 year old than a pilot with his own airplane!

I loved going up in that little Cessna! Sometimes I even got to fly it for a little bit. We would fly up to Voyager Village in Wisconsin, just outside of Siren, for the fly-in brunch; always taking enough fuel for the “Scenic Route”.

Marty loved the “Scenic Route” whether it was the coffee shop for a “jolt” (he loved his espresso) or our vacation at Yosemite or The Big Island, often wanting to explore the path less traveled.

He was different for sure. Some of you may remember that Black Mercury that he drove. It had a rocket switch glued to the dash that was labeled with something like “blast of” or “turbo” not sure of the exact wording. But I hope that wasn’t his idea of a chick magnet. Although it’s possible that’s why he stayed single for so long before my mom had the chance to snag him.

Marty snatched up every opportunity to teach us something he was passionate about as well as things we needed to know. He stressed the importance of “doing it right”. I’m not going to say I soaked it all up, to tell you the truth, he liked to give these elaborate instructions and in-depth examples that would just go on FOREVER! I suppose that was a good thing in his line of work.

As I look back now Marty handled marrying a lady with 3 kids with a ton of grace! Yeah, there were plenty of growing pains, but an infinite amount of love. Often wrapping his arms around me with a big hug, knowing just when I needed one. He made a point to tell me how nice I looked or that he was proud of me.

Other fond memories I will share is with the family at the Kuhn’s cabin in Wisconsin near Turtle Lake. The beach was pretty gross, so Marty would take us out to the middle of the lake on the Pontoon, without a motor only a couple oars, and spend hours out there so we could swim weed and muck free. He also taught us to fish up there, no not how to catch the sunny’s in a net fishing from the dock (he always made us throw those back I promise), but real fishing with a rod and lure. Only thing is he also taught us how to clean them. I’m pretty sure that has something to do with the fact that my diet consists of very little fish.

I can’t speak for all of us kids, but I can say I wasn’t an easy teenager, although we all had our bedroom doors removed at some point or another. Funny I tried that with my own teenager but the mess trickled from her room, to the hall way, encroached on the living room and soon she had her door back…guess it doesn’t work for all teenagers. I’m learning as I go, just as he and mom had to. He did reassure me recently that I was just “boot camp”. That was comforting.

He taught me how to love and protect my kids…let me be clear, I am not giving him all the credit here because I have learned a lot from my mom too, but truly together, they made a Great Team!

As a dad he was Top Rate, One-Of-A-Kind and will live in my heart forever.

I want to share this verse with you today because Marty's last words were "I am free, lift up your hands and praise god":

Psalm 118:5

‘In my anguish I cried to the Lord

and he answered by setting me free’

I'm sure in these coming days, and weeks i will share more with you... because having such a great man be a dad to me when he didn't have to be, but he CHOSE to be for the past 20+ years and then being there with him and watching him go home into the arms of Jesus has made a substantial impact on the core of my being... There is just so much to share. For now.. Thank you friends for the prayers and the thoughts.

2011-09-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

This morning at 5am, my stepdad took his last breath on earth and his healing became complete in Christ. Now he is pain free with Jesus. God's timeing is so perfect and I was able to be with him as he passed.. it's been a long weekend i have a lot on my heart that want to share. I just wanted to say thank you for all of you who have prayed for our family.

A possible answer for Daniel

2011-08-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

The other day Daniel speech and special ed. therapist were up here going over his therapy plan for this fall. I was talking to the speech therapist about Daniel and just asking her if she could think of anything that could possibly be the matter why he understands so much, yet he can't really talk. She threw out the word "Dyspraxia" and said that it is a possibility that may be what he is dealing with. She mentioned something about the connections between the brain and muscles and telling certain area what to do. So like any good American who has the Internet i went and looked it up, and i am relating to a lot of what i am reading about dyspraxia.. or in Daniel's case "childhood apraxia of speech" ... this is kinda the difference between apraxia and a "speech delay"

How Is CAS Different Than A Speech Delay?
A true developmental delay of speech is when the child is following the "typical" path of childhood speech development, although at a rate slower than normal. Usually this rate is in pace with the child’s cognitive skills. In typical speech/language development, the child's receptive and expressive skills increase together to a large extent. What is often seen in a child with apraxia of speech is a wide gap between their receptive language abilities and expressive abilities. In other words, the child's ability to understand language (receptive ability) is broadly within normal limits, but his or her expressive speech is seriously deficient, absent, or severely unclear. This is an important factor and one indicator that the child may be experiencing more than "delayed" speech. In the case of such a mismatch in skills, the child should be evaluated for the presence of a specific speech disorder such as apraxia. However, certain language disorders may also cause a similar pattern in a child. A gap between a child's expressive and receptive language ability is insufficient to diagnose apraxia.
-taken from the apraxia-kids.org website..

on another website (which i can't remember from) it was talking about the signs that children with the problem will have...

Children with dyspraxia may demonstrate some of these types of behaviour:

Very high levels of motor activity, including feet swinging and tapping when seated, hand-clapping or twisting. Unable to stay still
High levels of excitability, with a loud/shrill voice
May be easily distressed and prone to temper tantrums
May constantly bump into objects and fall over
Hands flap when running
Persistent language difficulties
Sensitive to sensory stimulation, including high levels of noise, tactile defensiveness, wearing new clothes

anyway... the more i look into it I'm thinking this is maybe what Daniel has... one website was saying that it can look a lot like autism except the child is social and seems more intelligent. I'm excited to finally nail down what it is that he struggles with. On the flip side though he has been doing so well.. I'm so proud of my little man for trying to hard!
Anyway.. i just thought i would update you with the latest on him. Sorry my posts have been so far apart, times are crazy here, and a lot of days recently it takes energy just to do the normal tasks.

life today

2011-08-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy, as you might have noticed from my absence. So here's a few updates.

-Marty, my stepdad, is currently in the hospital and not doing so great. Things are spiraling downhill and not looking good. I don't have time or energy to go into it, but PLEASE pray for him and my mom. Times are tough over there and they could use God's strong arms wrapped around them.

-My little sister is having a little boy! It's exciting to know what she is having so i can pray even better for the little guy.

-Daniel has started talking! Not consistently, but definitely he is saying words and even phrases. Between the jabbering he has been saying different appropriate words for the sitation he is in. PRAISE THE LORD! my little boy is finding his voice!!!!

anyway.. we just got back from a long trip that was a blessing, but very tiring and there is a lot to clean up, more on that later... but before i go i want to share a verse...

The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be still. -Exodus 14:14

Results

2011-08-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

Results are back for my stepdad. It is colon cancer that has metastasized to his bones. The doctors are saying that it is terminal and they are giving him 6-8 months without doing chemo.
Crazy emotions flying everywhere. The thing that i cling to is the my God is greater, my God is stronger, and my God knows and holds all of this in His hands and He is mighty to save and heal.
Please keep my family in your prayers...

if only...

2011-07-31T19:52:00.001-07:00

I wish there was better news, but there really isn't. To bring you up to speed, this is the basic of what is going on right now.
My step dad Marty has been sick since May. His kidneys were shutting down for unknown reasons and he has been on dialysis. After scans were done on 7/26, it was discovered that his kidneys were blocked. Stents were placed to open the kidneys. The scans also detected masses on his hips and pelvis. These masses appear to be cancer and biopsies were taken. All of the results will be coming back on monday night. If you are a prayer warrior, please keep my dad Marty in your prayers, as well as my mom. This is not an easy time by any means. 7 years ago he was diagnoised with stage 3 colon cancer, so you can imagine this isn't an easy time.
Thank you friends...

What's going on?

2011-07-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

SO much is going on ... here's some quick updates.

- Daniel will be going in the first of November for an official day of diagnosis testing. It's a full day thing, and by the end of the day the "experts" give an official diagnosis on what they think your child struggles with. He has been doing really well this summer, verbalizing even more and even imitating sounds.

- It's official... our good friends Maria and Alfie are going to come visit us in October.. I am SOOO excited!

- On a more serious note, things back at home aren't so great. My step dad who recently had kidney failure and has been on dialysis, has a lot of other health issues going on as well and he is in the hospital. Just 6 years ago he has stage 3 colon cancer and God totally healed him, and now with all of the issues he is having they found a tumor on his hip. We don't know yet if it is malignant or not... Please pray for my family in the Midwest. It's so hard being over here while stuff is going on over there. Please pray for strength for my parents, wisdom to the doctors, and God's healing touch to come down and bring health and life back to my step dad. I'm going to be headed there for a quick weekend in a couple of weeks by myself. I'm hoping the boys will be okay without me (last time i left them for longer then a night we had some serious seperation issues with Daniel).

- Hard times seem to be all around but... there is still hope.

glimpses

2011-07-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a fun and tiring two weeks. I've been all over from the very northern part of california to seattle and almost everywhere inbetween. Here is a look into the past two weeks here with my neice. I think she was a little irritated with me with how often i took pictures, so i only posted a few of her. :) what can i say, i'm a proud Auntie and i think she is a very beautiful young lady and i never get to spend time with her!

GOON DAY!

2011-07-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have a friend. She's one of those forever friends. We met in high school in gym class over 11 years ago. We've been through a few things here and there that could break a friendship (really just things on my end, but she is graceful and forgiving and we've grown to understand each other), but the bond of our friendship is strong. She's been there for me through so many hard times, and i know for a fact that i would have not been able to get through many days unless i was able to hear her voice on the other end of the line. We have lived over a thousand miles apart from each other for the past 8+ years (right now we live exactly 1,756 miles away from each other) ... but it has not drifted us apart. When i went off to Canada she stayed a faithful friend. And boy am i glad she did, because along with meeting my wonderful husband in Canada i met her husband in Canada! When i met him i knew he was the man for maria :) my favorite and pretty much only matchmaking attempt ever. Anyway.. rabbit trail.. sorry.
I can be myself around her. She knows me and understands me and i can call her up and bawl my head off or tell her the most recent hilarious thing my children just did.
Ours is a friendship that will last, we're less like friends and more like family now. She is my closest friend and I will treasure her friendship forever!

Every year around July 19th we celebrate a special day just for us and our unique friendship, GOON DAY. Though we have not spent goon day together since the first establishing on the day... It's still one of my favorite times of the year.
This year Maria sent me a goonday present that i will treasure! I was so excited when i opened the box and i met Hagwick... Now for those of you who do not know, i really like yard gnomes. Yep i know... strange, and i don't even have any in my yard ( i did have two but the boys completely destroyed them). But now thanks to maria i now have a gnome friend... Check out her blog post about goon day and him visiting some of the places that are "ours".

And now Hegwick has made it to Washington...

he barely survived meeting ferdinand, ferdinand thought he was a tasty treat just for him.

Hegwick, meet Katy!

Happy Goon day Maria! Hopefully someday we will be able to celebrate goonday in the same state!

2011-07-10T22:31:00.001-07:00

I feel like I've been having more bad days then good lately with the kids. You know those days that you are tired of them needing something from you every ten seconds, someone is ALWAYS whining, the house never stays clean, you feel like a bucket of crap and you don't want to get out of bed in the morning and they just want to eat breakfast?? Kinda like that. Not a ton... but enough to make me a hard mommy to be around. My husband recognized my need for some alone time and he so graciously took the kids today for 4 whole glorious hours. He really blessed me this weekend...
When he got home from going out hiking with the boys we had such a nice time relaxing and watching some cartoons together. Elijah was so warn out he fell asleep snuggling with Matt.

On top of taking the kids out I got my fire pit!!!! I've wanted to start one, but Matt wasn't as excited about it as i was, but after having friends over this weekend and deciding to roast some smores we established a spot!

and he even made me a bench!

So come on over for a visit ... enjoy the animals, the view, the comapany and we can sit around the fire and share life!

Now i have a visit from my niece to look forward to and a mini vacation down to southern oregon with the inlaws, so my mommy tank has been refreshed and i'm ready for a another round. It's amazing what 4 hours and a fire pit can do to boost up my motivation level.

all over the place

2011-07-05T14:32:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be all over the place so hold on.
This weekend was a great vacation for me. We had the opportunity to go to camp prime time. The boys had a great time and it was refreshing for me to not have to do so much housy stuff... but to just be able to enjoy my family. I'll post pictures later.. i just wanted to write a quick post.
Anyway I've been lacking some serious motivation lately. NOT ANYMORE. I just need to get 'er done! enjoy the life that God gave me, and be thankful for the little things. It's helpful that I've got a very full summer and lots to look forward to this coming fall (like my closest friend and her husband possibly coming to visit, a friend expecting her first little boy after having two girls). I do well when i have things to look forward to.
My niece is coming out for a 2 week visit. I'm excited to spend some time with some Minnesota family! I use to watch her all the time when she was just a wee one.. but i missed her being a little girl because of being away at school and then living out west. It's hard to be so far away and just hear about things over the phone, there is only so much you can do and so much you can connect through long distance. I'm more of a be there, do things type person. SO even though my mom and my sister think I will be spoiling my niece, I've got lots of things planned. It's not just about entertaining her... because I'm not concerned with entertaining her... i just like doing things and having her here gives me an excuse to have fun! And it's fun to be the Aunt out on the west coast that is a hippy who has a farm with all sorts of animals and likes to go to Seattle on day trips and spend time on the beach and in the mountains.
I'm so relieved that Daniel can hear. I've questioned on and off if he could.. and it always seemed like he could... but when people make comments about how they think he may not hear, i really questioned if maybe i was wrong and he had a hearing problem. Now i just need to call down to OHSU and see what is taking them so long on getting Daniel scheduled in.

We were at the grocery store yesterday and Joshua was being his usual exuberant and animated self. There was a lady there that made a comment to her husband that obviously that (my) little boy already had to much candy. I hugged Joshua and said loudly so that she could hear, "you don't eat candy do you Josh? You are just a happy and excited little boy and there is nothing wrong with that." I'm not sure if she heard it or not, but i was again reminded of how people who do not know him may view him.

Matt is now 100 percent on board with homeschooling Joshua, and he is even getting excited about teaching him things. He was okay with it before and he trusted my judgment.. but now he is firmly against public school for him. THANK YOU JESUS! *public school or private school are not total evil or a bad option, just for our family, it is not a good choice for our boys.

Well I'm going to go set up some sort of water play for the boys outside... it is such a nice day out there!

Daniel update!

2011-06-30T14:42:00.001-07:00

We had his hearing test today and the results are that he hears just great! No problems at all with his hearing... so unto the next round of tests for an official diagnosis on his developmental delays.

2011-06-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this encouraging post that i recieved from insight for livings special needs ministry blog....

Two Horses
Author Unknown

Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it.

From a distance, both horses appear to be like any other horses. But if you walk closer, you will notice something quite amazing; one of the horses is blind. However, the owner has chosen not to put down the blind horse but has made a good home for both horses.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell attached to the halter of the sighted horse. The bell is used to lead the blind horse. You will notice something amazing; the sighted horse regularly checks to see if the blind horse is hearing the bell, is following the sighted horse's lead, and is continuing to trust that he will not be led astray.

Each evening, the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn, occasionally looking back to make sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind.

Like the owner of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or just because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes, we are like the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those whom God has placed in our lives to help us. At other times, we are like the horse with the bell, helping others to find their way.

Good friends are like that . . . you may not always see them, but you know they are there.

Please listen for my bell, and I'll listen for yours.

And remember . . .

Be kinder than necessary—
Everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly . . .
And leave the rest to God!
For we walk by faith and not by sight!

Note: Every effort has been made to determine the author of "Two Horses." If you are the author or know who the author is, we would be grateful for that information. You may convey it to us by leaving a comment.

Posted by Colleen Swindoll-Thompson at 10:43:05 AM in Family Life/Caregivers, Grief/Encouragement

2011-06-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

This is what you get....

When an alpaca gets sheared...

We hand sheared her and Cady, our llama... And it was not easy, but it went much better then we expected.

We had no intention of using the wool (and we hadn't regularly cared for their fiber by brushing and keeping it clean), so we where not to picky on how the fiber was taken off. Now they both look like they got a bad haircut and lost a few pounds... and we saved a few hundred dollars by doing it ourselves by hand. (buying a pair a electric shears is 350, and it's about 200 to hire someone to come out and to it for us.)

2011-06-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Yep.. that's one of the turkeys hanging out on Kady's back.

What would you call this picture???

this week....

2011-06-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

The girls are getting bigger... I can't wait for the egg laying days!

It's fishing season!!!!

For Missy

2011-06-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

Maybe you'll get some inspiration... or just think my living room needs less toys.. either way here are a few pictures of of our home.

Sorry this picture is dark... I found this wall hanging at a garage sale for 3 dollars... they lady had some serious talent! And the items on either side were 75 cents a piece... they use to hold candles.. but it just didn't work for kids so they are waiting until the kids get older to hold candles :) The lamp was 4 dollars at a garage sale.

here is the hanging plates on the wall look.... going simple can make things look very nice.. you don't have to do extravagant or fancy

Not everyone likes this look but Matt made our wooden table for 60 dollars total. And all of the chairs were given to us or found at a garage sale and they don't all match.. but it works well and gives out home some charm. The curtains are also bedsheets....

here is our very bare looking kitchen.. it is actually more full then this picture gives off now...

Anyway... hope you gain some inspiration soon.. and just don't worry to much about decor... just start with basic colors that you like and then add to the decor as time goes by! have fun!!!!!

My Man

2011-06-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

he works so hard...

He ripped off the roof...

replaced all of the plywood...

And put on the roof paper and shingles...

All in a week, with a little help from his dad.. but mostly by himself and on his vacation.

Speaking of working hard... after spending a whole day at work in the office, he comes home, plays with the kids, helps me around the house and then spends the rest of his nights developing his business...

I love how we both have the same mindset. He found this cart at the dump when he was bringing in all the shingles he tore off the roof. It just needed new wheels.. we already had 2 that would work so 20 dollars later we have a very useable cart. I'm pretty excited about it...

He is such a GREAT dad... seriously.. this man knows how to raise little boys.

Elijah was as excited about Matt's new gun and he wanted to try to shoot it.. being the ripe old age of 2... he's not ready!

He is loving and supportive... here he is at his little sisters high school grad a couple of weeks ago...

He is so good for me...

I have been seriously blessed. Matt is my rock. My steady and loving man. My mom always said that she prayed that God would give me a husband that would makeup for my childhood... though my mom was a most FABULOUS mother and i would not trade her for the world, I think God answered her prayers.
Matt and I have a very solid and strong relationship. Honesty and love flow freely as well as encouragement and understanding. We do have our hard days, don't get me wrong, and there are times when i am extremely irritated with him, BUT, those times are few and far between and don't ever last long. I know this sounds strange but i use to feel bad that Matt and i had such a good relationship. Now I'm learning to be thankful that we can talk about things and work through things and that our issues are never huge or blown out of proportion. I am not an easy person to live with by any means. I get cranky on lack of sleep, I'm sick on and off, i can be negative often, among many other things. But he loves me through my shortcomings and when he is upset with me, it isn't for long. I think before we got married, we talked out things to death about different situations and what our reactions would be to them, also we clearly layed out that divorce is NOT a word in our vocabulary... so we would be stuck for life, no options. We joke that our dating was just one big interview, and there are times we wish that we would have lightened up a little bit.. but i think that our foundation wouldn't be so strong otherwise. Right before we were married we had premarital counseling from the college which went very well ( EVERY couple should get pre-marital counseling before marriage)... and we also had to meet with the pastor of the church we were marrying at for a premarital counseling session. We filled out little surveys and then went in. He was amazed that we were on the same page about everything and that we had talked about everything before we decided to get married and he told us we would do well. If you know Matt at all, you know that he is a serious guy and he doesn't go into many things lightly. He didn't date in high school because he knew that he wouldn't be marrying any of those girls and he didn't want to break their hearts. I wish that my high school career in the dating department was a little more shiny, but all in all i dated very little and kept my heart for the man i would marry. He is faithful and loving. He makes me want to be a better person. He lovingly pushes me to greater things.
Anyway.. I know is ridiculously long.. i just wanted to share that I LOVE MY MAN, he is SO good for me... and also i thought i would share one of the songs that he always sings to me ... it's pretty hilarious...

* now this song is not a very conservative song... just warning you if you've never heard it.. and sorry if i scarred you for life telling you that he likes to sing this song to me... but it's nice to feel wanted :D and what would a blog be without some over sharing??!!!!

Camping and other events

2011-06-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

I both love it and hate it.
Love the concept.. hate the work that comes with it, sleeping out in the wilderness, wild animals, and just not sleeping great..
other then that.. i love being with my boys out in the wild

here are some pictures from our latest camping adventure...

Joshua's best time for school work is at night. Notice that he is in his P.J's ... It was 9:30 in the evening that he did school work tonight.. I love homeschool!

6 years i started working as a youth leader at our old church. This year my "girls" that i was a leader to for many years (until we had to back out of leading for a bit because of children) graduated! Even though we do not go to the same church and it has been a few years since I've been a youth leader, these girls still remain very near and dear to me and it such a joy to watch them grow up. I am so blessed that they still include me in their lives.

Matt's little sister graduated this year as well. She has grown into quit a beautiful young lady and it's been a joy as well to see her mature through the years!

Names

2011-06-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

I like naming my animals and these two still need names....

This is our Pekin Boy duck...

and this is our Rouen Girl duck...

any suggestions???

2011-06-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

i wanted to share a song that got me through a few rough times.. i use to sing it out when no one was around at the top of my lungs walking out to the hills from the college. I miss that walk sometimes... Special thanks to Lola for finding the full song for me!

If i could just sit with you a while

When I cannot feel, when my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel, hidden in You
Lord, You are my life so I don't mind to die
Just as long as I am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

When I know I’ve sinned when I should have been
Crying out my God and hidden in you
Lord I need you now, more than I know how
So I humbly bow, hidden in you

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

Ponderings on a June day

2011-06-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

-Why is it that when our well starts acting up that's when i have the most laundry to do and the most dishes to wash? Not to mention.. i could really use a drink of water right now.. and brushing my teeth sounds so nice! Hopefully my hard working husband will get it up and going again here soon... really he doesn't need one more thing broken today.

- Speaking of my husband, Matt has been busy the last few days riping off the roof and putting a new one on. He works so hard... I wish i could help him more, but there is no way that i could be on the roof when our three little boys usually have some sort of crisis ever 10 minutes. I so appreciate all the work that he does, and i hope that this week on his vacation that he will actually be able to enjoy his vacation so we can go CAMPING!!!!! :)

- I lovin' having egg laying chickens around. What is hilarious is that Eleanor and Gertrude like to lay in the same box, so one will stand around and wait while the other is laying.. and then hop in as soon as the others out. We have plenty of other nesting boxes... I'm not sure why that one is so special.

-Can i just say that teaching a typical child is SO much easier then teaching a child with developmental delays. It's such a joy to have a little one catch on to something so fast. Though i love teaching Joshua and Daniel with all of my heart,and i love seeing them grasp concepts... It's nice to have an "easy" student in Elijah!

- For some reason i enjoy teaching my children in the spring and summer time more then in the wintertime. I think it's because there is so much more to do in the spring and summer and they seem more eager to learn during the warmer seasons. I have a feeling that a lot of their learning will be conducted in the summer time, though we still will do school in the fall and winter. I'm all for year round homeschooling with breaks here and there... if the boys are anything like me they will retain knowledge better by being consistent in schooling instead of taking a long break in summertime just to come back and have to relearn things forgotten.

-My yard is a disaster area... toys everywhere, desperately needing to be mowed as well as roofing material scattered here and there. I can't wait for Matt to get back from the dump with the empty garbage cans to pick up the rest of the roofing material on the ground!

-We were able to sell the old plywood from the roof... i was pretty excited about that prospect... i just wish there was some way we could have disposed of the shingles and roofing paper in a way they would be reused... through there may be something out there like that... i just haven't heard of anything yet.

-I'm still thirsty.... and the water is still not working.

2011-06-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

I really like this song...

"The One"

If I see one more light that's fading
Hear about one more broken dream
Pray for just one more faith that's dying
It's one too many

And if I see one more child walking
Just one more mile for water
If I wait one more minute longer
It's one too many

When I think of what could be
If we let our hearts believe
That it takes just one
Just one could turn this all around

And if we're living history
How will they think of you and me
If it takes just one, just one
What if, what if, what if I'm the one?

It takes one, takes one, one
It takes one, takes one, one
It takes one, takes one

If I hear one more widow crying
'Cause there's no one by her side
And if I see one more family breaking
It's one too many

If there's one thing that I'm sure of
If there's one thing that I know
You could be one in a sea of faces
Or you could be one more chance for hope

When I think of what could be
If we let our hearts believe
That it takes just one
Just one could turn this all around

And if we're living history
How will they think of you and me
If it takes just one, just one
What if, what if, what if I'm the one?

I see a nation without any walls
A beautiful haven for one and for all
I see a day when people are free
When shackles are broken and fall to the street

A voice, a cry, call out from on high
The first one of many, go lay down your life

When I think of what could be
If we let our hearts believe
That it takes just one
Just one could turn this all around

And if we're living history
How will they think of you and me
If it takes just one, just one
What if, what if, what if I'm the one?

It takes one, takes one, one
(What if you're the one)
It takes one, takes one, one
It takes one, takes one
(What if I'm the one)

It takes one, takes one, one
(What if you're the one)
It takes one, takes one, one
It takes one, takes one

-Brandon Heath

2011-06-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

Most days

I am content with my boys

but

some days

(like today)

the longing creeps back in again

and

my heart desires

to have

a daughter

I wish we could have more children.

I'm not against adopting... but right now it's not an option.

Maybe someday

God will give us a daughter

Hope and the strength to overcome

2011-05-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if when i accepted Christ into my life if i thought he would make everything bright and fuzzy. I know that He washed me of my sins and claimed me as His own and that He would stand by me and love me, no matter what life brought. Somewhere along the line i think i got the idea that Jesus would make everything better and alright (this is true in His understanding and not in a world's understanding). But I've wondered a time or two if God really truly cared about my current circumstance or if He really indeed did love me. Though I've felt His all encompassing love on a deep and intimate level, i still have felt at times lonely and lost. Why must I go through pain and trails and see loved ones as well go through rough patches? What happened to my life being so much better with Jesus? If He truly loved and cared for me then why must I feel so broken?
There are so many things in this life that are unexplainable. Why does a child who was raised up in the Lord, who accepted Him and lived for Christ so fervently run the other direction from God when she became a teenager and now lives in the depths and pit of despair and a life out of control? Why does God heal someone of one life threatening disease, only for that person to have another life threatening problem a few short years later?
Life is rough, hard, at times almost unbearable and filled with pain. It is also beautiful, wonderful, unexplainable and filled with joy.
I think when we share about Christ there needs to be honesty so that a firm foundation can be built. YES, Jesus takes away our sins and brings us closer to God. He is our comforter and our provider. He gives hope, joy and peace. BUT that doesn't mean that we will never go hungry, we will never be sad, and we will never experience pain. We will still see loved ones get hurt, we will still get disappointed, we may even have harder days and nights. But there is a difference between going through life with the Lord and without the Lord. Without Jesus life doesn't make sense. Why are we here? What is our purpose? To live, eat, drink, love, work, suffer, die? What about that deep longing in our soul? What about wanting to belong? Wanting to be loved? Without the Lord there is no comfort, there is no certainty and above all there is NO HOPE.
With the Lord there is hope. He brings peace and understanding. He brings healing. He brings a sense of belonging and love. He brings joy in the hard times and He gives THE STRENGTH TO OVERCOME. He gives hope of a future Glory, of a life and kingdom that will reign forever. He doesn't guarantee that life will be easy, but he guarantees hope and that He will be there for those who hope in Him. Don't take my word for it though... take his word...

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield

Psalm 62:5
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him

Psalm 147:11
the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

With Jesus there is HOPE and STRENGTH TO OVERCOME,because He has overcome, He has conquered death, He has brought us life so that we can live in His hope and live through His strength. We who have the Lord are not meant for this world. We were created for a different place, we are just travelers here, journeying through life.. through the good and the bad, the joy and sorrow. Through Christ each experience has a deeper meaning. Each joy is brighter, each sorrow is deeper. But with each joy and each sorrow there is hope and strength.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, New International Version)

I just want to encourage you today. If you are going through a hard time and you just feel like you have NO idea what God is doing or what is going on or why things are the way they are, cling to the Lord and His HOPE and STRENGTH! This is not your home, you are a traveler, cling to His word and rely on His strength to pull you through another day to bring Him glory.

I think that this is a very fitting song for this post...

"SMS Shine"

Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Throw me a line
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me to life
'Cause I am fading

(Surround me) with the rush of angels' wings

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel love
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

You sent a sign
A hint, a whisper
Human divine
Heaven is listening

Death laid love quiet
Yet in the night a stirring

(All around) the rush of angels

Oh, the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lift it up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome
He has overcome

p.s. this is such a HUGE topic with SO many aspects... I'm sure I'll touch more on it in the future.. it's just to big to put all in one post!

being okay

2011-05-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

I think generally as woman we tend to question ourselves a lot. Well at least i know i do. Am i enough? I think we all have to go on a journey of being okay with what we are and what we are not. These are a few things that i have questioned myself on if I'm enough and things that I've learned to be okay with. Somethings little, some things random, and others more important.

-I am not a gifted writer by any means, and I'm just fine with that.

-I am a terrible gardener. I HATE weeding and i pretty much just pray that my garden grows despite them. Though i must admit i still try every year in hopes of better results.

-I cannot put makeup on at all so i just don't wear it. I use to think that it made me less of a woman because i was not so much into make up and i wasn't great at applying it... but now I'm come to understand that my self esteem is high enough that I feel comfortable and beautiful enough without it and it's OKAY not to wear it.

- I hate wearing pants! Now i know that this sounds silly but i seriously struggled with this for a while. I LOVE wearing dresses and skirts, but for the longest time i almost felt ashamed to wear them because i didn't want people to think i was legalistic. I think wearing jeans and pants are just fine for woman, I personally just hate the way they feel and would much rather be in a skirt or dress. Though for hiking and camping i wear pants. For some reason in the "christian circles" there is this stereo type that goes along with woman who always wear dresses and skirts and I just didn't want anybody to label me with that because i am not much of a legalistic person.

- Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. When I was in my late teens working at the daycare and running the church nursery as well as babysitting jobs i was calm patient and great at what i did. I thought for sure once i had kids i would be THE BEST mother. HA! Oh my young foolish mind. Life happened, my boys came and i discovered that i indeed was not the calm and patient person that i thought i was. I've had some serious moments of questioning of my sanity over the past 6+ years... being a parent is extremely difficult and there really is no way to prepare someone for that... I know God gave me my boys and that He has equip me to raise them, but i often ask the Lord if i really am well suited to care for them.

- I really am not a great cook. I use to be mortified when Matt would not like my meals... now, though sometimes i am a little hurt, i get over if much faster and try the best i can to produce something a little more palatable next time.

-Being okay and not beating myself up when my family isn't 100 percent okay. What i mean is that my husband and my boys cannot always be happy and there are going to be times that i will let them down, or something will be out of my control and it's OKAY. The world isn't over and I am a human being with many faults... But the beauty of it that God's grace covers me. That doesn't mean i use it as an excuse.. it just means that i push on through whatever it is and not take things so personally.(does this point make sense?)

anyway it's late... i know my thoughts are choppy, but i just felt like sharing. I should be getting to bed anyway!

Goodbye geese

2011-05-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

Our two geese were just getting to loud and rambunctious for me. Since they were only three weeks old i figured they would only get louder and more irritating to me so I traded them in.

Meet Eleanor and Gertrude

Gertrude is the one that has more orange on her. I picked those names because they are now the old ladies of the bunch. I got them from a friend's mom who was looking to downsize her chickens and get more geese, so it worked out well for both of us. We've only had them for one day and i've already got an egg out of them so they must feel comfortable. They are very friendly and they don't seem to mind sharing the coup with the little chicks, ducks and turkeys.

That's it for the farm update. All the other animals are doing well and enjoying the warmer weather and lush grass that spring rains and sunshine brings.